The journal continues.
Note: Blue is what is printed in the journal. Green is what I wrote (in 1996)
Oh wait! I see on this page that I filled some things out AFTER 1996. I went back and wrote some things in 2001.
The first time I felt as if I were no longer a child was when-Hasn't happened yet. And still hasn't happened yet (April 2001)
I think I wrote the first sentence above in 1996 (or later), and then the other part was written in 2001.
As for now? How about I say, I feel like an adult who has a strong inner child.
Being older brought these changes in my life—Better self-esteem. Bigger breasts. Chubbier thighs. More intelligence. More confidence. More memories of the past.
I was confused about the last line at first. But now I'm thinking I might have meant that the older you are, the longer your past is. And that would equal more memories.
When I was fifteen, I had memories of only about 12 years. Now that I'm 45, I have memories from my earlier 40's, my 30's, 20's, teen years, and childhood.
Important physical changes-dry skin, not as thin anymore. Bigger breasts, menstruation.
How I felt about these changes-I hated all of them.
I still struggle with the desire to be thin.
I still strongly hate menstruation.
I'm fine with dry skin, because I have lotion to see me through the tough times.
I was now aware of-the fact that Michael Jackson was not the decent human being I had learned him to be.
Really? But in an earlier diary, I had seemed totally fine with Woody Allen.
Maybe some racism there?
It could have also been me being silly/sarcastic. I think the journal had wanted me to say something deep, but instead I wrote some random thing.
I don't really remember being caught up in the Michael Jackson pedophile drama. I don't think it ever strongly occupied my mind.
What had become important to me- Writing and finding a cure for CF
I'm guessing I was choosing to use this page to talk about my middle school years. Even though I felt I hadn't left childhood when I started middle school. I think I understood that this was the time period that he journal questions were referring to.
But yeah. It was seventh grade when I became passionate about CF and writing.
What I liked doing most-Writing, reading, seeing movies.
The hardest part of growing up-Not being able to play Barbies anymore. Getting clothes for Chanukah instead of toys.
I should have just kept playing Barbies.
Now I'd probably prefer getting chocolate over toys AND clothes.
And I like make-up.
But sometimes I like clothes and/or toys.
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