Among those of us who deal, or have dealt, with narcissists, there's a term we use.
Flying Monkeys.
These are people who the narcissist employs to be their liaison with their target.
Maybe liaison isn't the right word.
Maybe bridge would be a better word?
I bet there's a better word than bridge, but I can't think of it right now.
Anyway, what happens is the narcissist manipulates the monkeys to take his side and go after the target. Sometimes this might be for overt bullying. But I think more often it's in a more covert form.
The narcissist doesn't want to be the bad guy in the story. He doesn't want to see himself that way, and he doesn't want other people to see him that way. So he'll work to convince others that he is actually the victim in the drama.
He might want the flying monkeys to attack the target. Or he might prefer that the flying monkeys convince the target to come back into the narcissist's inner circle.
I think sympathy is the key tactic here. Either the narcissist will try to illicit sympathy for himself. I really care about her. I try so hard to show her I love. But no matter what I do? It's not enough. She keeps rejecting me. OR (AND) the narcissist will direct the sympathy towards the target. I'm really worried about her. I think she might have a serious mental illness. We really need to get her some help.
I'm still reading Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch. And I think one of the characters is a narcissist. (warning. some storyline spoilers below).
Theo's dad abandons his wife and child. Though mother and son don't miss him when he leaves, because he never really added anything positive to the family unit.
After Theo's mother dies, Theo's dad shows up to play daddy and drags Theo from NYC to Las Vegas.
Theo is still not overly impressed with his Dad's fathering skills, but his new friend Boris tries to convince him otherwise.
The thing is, like most narcissists, Theo's father knows how to put on the charm when he feels it will benefit him.
He might not have been a charming husband or father, but he knows how to be super charming to certain other people...including Boris.
Boris tries to convince Theo that Theo's dad is pretty damn awesome; that he loves loves Theo; and that he wants a good relationship with Theo.
For awhile, it seems that maybe it IS possible that Theo's dad wants to improve their relationship.
Narcissists might be dishonest, self-centered, spoiled, and manipulative. But that doesn't mean they don't sometimes long for love and closeness. (Or at least they want a strong and numerous fan club)
It turns out, though, that Theo's dad is after Theo's money. A lone shark is after him, and Theo's dad is very desperate.
Although he could have wanted a closer relationship with his son AND his son's money.
Either way....he uses manipulation to try to get what he wanted. His main tactic: turning Boris into a flying monkey.
I say try, because he ultimately fails. And that's kind of nice.
For more like this: My posts about narcissism and other toxicities
Flying Monkeys.
These are people who the narcissist employs to be their liaison with their target.
Maybe liaison isn't the right word.
Maybe bridge would be a better word?
I bet there's a better word than bridge, but I can't think of it right now.
Anyway, what happens is the narcissist manipulates the monkeys to take his side and go after the target. Sometimes this might be for overt bullying. But I think more often it's in a more covert form.
The narcissist doesn't want to be the bad guy in the story. He doesn't want to see himself that way, and he doesn't want other people to see him that way. So he'll work to convince others that he is actually the victim in the drama.
He might want the flying monkeys to attack the target. Or he might prefer that the flying monkeys convince the target to come back into the narcissist's inner circle.
I think sympathy is the key tactic here. Either the narcissist will try to illicit sympathy for himself. I really care about her. I try so hard to show her I love. But no matter what I do? It's not enough. She keeps rejecting me. OR (AND) the narcissist will direct the sympathy towards the target. I'm really worried about her. I think she might have a serious mental illness. We really need to get her some help.
I'm still reading Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch. And I think one of the characters is a narcissist. (warning. some storyline spoilers below).
Theo's dad abandons his wife and child. Though mother and son don't miss him when he leaves, because he never really added anything positive to the family unit.
After Theo's mother dies, Theo's dad shows up to play daddy and drags Theo from NYC to Las Vegas.
Theo is still not overly impressed with his Dad's fathering skills, but his new friend Boris tries to convince him otherwise.
The thing is, like most narcissists, Theo's father knows how to put on the charm when he feels it will benefit him.
He might not have been a charming husband or father, but he knows how to be super charming to certain other people...including Boris.
Boris tries to convince Theo that Theo's dad is pretty damn awesome; that he loves loves Theo; and that he wants a good relationship with Theo.
For awhile, it seems that maybe it IS possible that Theo's dad wants to improve their relationship.
Narcissists might be dishonest, self-centered, spoiled, and manipulative. But that doesn't mean they don't sometimes long for love and closeness. (Or at least they want a strong and numerous fan club)
It turns out, though, that Theo's dad is after Theo's money. A lone shark is after him, and Theo's dad is very desperate.
Although he could have wanted a closer relationship with his son AND his son's money.
Either way....he uses manipulation to try to get what he wanted. His main tactic: turning Boris into a flying monkey.
I say try, because he ultimately fails. And that's kind of nice.
For more like this: My posts about narcissism and other toxicities
