I'm still watching season one of The Fosters.
Today I watched the episode "Family Day".
Stef (Teri Polo) gets a gift from her dad Frank (Sam McMurray). He has bought her family a car...which they very much needed.
Stef refuses the gift, because she's mad at her dad for not attending their lesbian wedding.
Well...
He didn't attend the wedding, because she told him she didn't want him there.
She didn't want him there, because he does not fully support gay relationships. And he calls it a lifestyle choice.
He's a conservative.
It's complicated.
I wish Frank was less right-winged. I wish he fully supported his daughter's relationship and understood that it's not just a simple lifestyle choice.
BUT....
I think she should cut her father some slack. And Steph's wife Lena (Sherri Saum) agrees with me. She lectures Steph about being more tolerant of her father's clumsy, slow steps towards tolerance.
That's the thing. We have to be tolerant of other people's intolerance and ignorance IF they show signs of trying to be more open-minded and accepting.
Steph, though, is also annoyed at her father's attempt to try to amend things with an expensive gift.
I TOTALLY get that.
And I'm wondering whether it's ever okay to make amends with an expensive gift.
Can money ever build bridges?
I think MAYBE it can help. Sometimes.
Maybe money can be a gesture, at least.
Here's, though, where I think it's not okay.
A) The expensive gift is seen as the only thing needed to build that bridge.
I don't need to try to open my mind a bit and learn more. I don't need to show any extra compassion. I gave you that car. That's enough. You have no right to doubt me.
B) The expensive gift is held over the recipients head when there is conflict. In other words, the recipient is not allowed to express anger or disapproval to the giver. If they do, they are reminded of the expensive gift.
C) There are threats to take the gift away or the gift is taken away when the giver gets offended and angry.
I'm writing this and realizing all three, of the above, are pretty much the same.
What it comes down to is whether the giver is giving to make amends and show kindness or whether the giver is giving as a means of control and dominance.
With Frank, I get the feeling it's more of the former.
I think his heart was in the right place.
But since Steph had a strong reaction to the huge gift, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she's used to her dad trying to buy his way out of conflict. And maybe he's bought her expensive things before; then held it over her head. In that case, I can't blame her for wanting to refuse the gift.
Today I watched the episode "Family Day".
Stef (Teri Polo) gets a gift from her dad Frank (Sam McMurray). He has bought her family a car...which they very much needed.
Stef refuses the gift, because she's mad at her dad for not attending their lesbian wedding.
Well...
He didn't attend the wedding, because she told him she didn't want him there.
She didn't want him there, because he does not fully support gay relationships. And he calls it a lifestyle choice.
He's a conservative.
It's complicated.
I wish Frank was less right-winged. I wish he fully supported his daughter's relationship and understood that it's not just a simple lifestyle choice.
BUT....
I think she should cut her father some slack. And Steph's wife Lena (Sherri Saum) agrees with me. She lectures Steph about being more tolerant of her father's clumsy, slow steps towards tolerance.
That's the thing. We have to be tolerant of other people's intolerance and ignorance IF they show signs of trying to be more open-minded and accepting.
Steph, though, is also annoyed at her father's attempt to try to amend things with an expensive gift.
I TOTALLY get that.
And I'm wondering whether it's ever okay to make amends with an expensive gift.
Can money ever build bridges?
I think MAYBE it can help. Sometimes.
Maybe money can be a gesture, at least.
Here's, though, where I think it's not okay.
A) The expensive gift is seen as the only thing needed to build that bridge.
I don't need to try to open my mind a bit and learn more. I don't need to show any extra compassion. I gave you that car. That's enough. You have no right to doubt me.
B) The expensive gift is held over the recipients head when there is conflict. In other words, the recipient is not allowed to express anger or disapproval to the giver. If they do, they are reminded of the expensive gift.
C) There are threats to take the gift away or the gift is taken away when the giver gets offended and angry.
I'm writing this and realizing all three, of the above, are pretty much the same.
What it comes down to is whether the giver is giving to make amends and show kindness or whether the giver is giving as a means of control and dominance.
With Frank, I get the feeling it's more of the former.
I think his heart was in the right place.
But since Steph had a strong reaction to the huge gift, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she's used to her dad trying to buy his way out of conflict. And maybe he's bought her expensive things before; then held it over her head. In that case, I can't blame her for wanting to refuse the gift.
Read my novel: The Dead are Online
