My Feelings about the JK Rowling Drama

Let me start off by saying these things.

A) I think trans women are women and trans men are men.

B) I think it should be illegal for trans people to be fired for being trans.

C) I think people should use the bathrooms that make them the most comfortable.

D) I think teens (preteens?) should be able to go on puberty blockers so they don't have to go through the puberty experiences of the gender that is not theirs. 

E) I think it should be very illegal for doctors to refuse to treat Trans patients. I think if they refuse, they should lose their license.

F) I think insurance should cover sex reassignment surgery.

All that being said, I still love JK Rowling.  I still love Harry Potter. I am horrified by the way she's been treated.

Do I agree with the stuff she said?

I don't know. Because I don't fully understand it.  And the stuff that I do maybe understand, I'm not sure if I agree or not.

I argue with myself about it a lot.

I think it was tacky of her to make jokes about the word "Women" and menstruating.  Rude, really.  But I might sort of agree with the sentiment behind the joke.  I don't know.

I feel maybe we should be able to talk about things but understand that there are exceptions. I think maybe it's okay to talk about periods as being a girl thing but know that not all Cis-gender woman have periods and that some trans-gender men DO have periods.

I think we can talk about jock itch or whatever men else endure and understand that trans-women might have to deal with it as well.

I think we can talk about pregnancy as a woman's thing and understand that yes, there are some men who end up pregnant. 

And you know what, I'm okay with the idea that one day we don't refer to gender when talking about these things. Maybe one day pregnancy, erections, penises, vaginas, tampons, breast cancer, breastfeeding, etc. won't be gender specific. 

But I think we need time to grow into that mindset. I don't think it's something that we need to jump into. Or at least I think we don't need to hate every person who refuses to jump in or accidentally forgets to jump in. 

I think JK Rowling should have kept her mouth shut about the article title referring to "People who Menstruate".  At the same time, I also think people should not get too upset with a title that says "Girls, Let's Talk about Our periods!"

No. I take that back. It's okay to be upset. I can imagine a trans-girl feeling left out when seeing this title. And I can imagine a trans-boy feeling uncomfortable and excluded by the title.  But I wouldn't feel the author of the article would deserve rape-threats, death threats, hate male, cancelation, being fired, etc. 

Okay...this might get confusing and rambly. Sorry.

One way I see things it this.

I had this analogy kind of going with the thing people say of Stay in Your Lane.

Let's take black men and black women.  They are in the same lane of having to endure and fight anti-black racism.  I'd say they are 90% in the same lane.  But then there's a 10% where they are in different lanes.  Black women also have to deal with misogyny and sexism.  Black men don't have to deal with that in the same way (exception being if they are trans and dealt with sexism and misogyny before transitioning)  And I think black women probably deal with police violence a little less...I mean in terms of their OWN lives being at risk. They still have to deal with the pain of their sons, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, etc. being abused and/or murdered by the police. 

But there ARE some differences in the experiences of being a black man vs being a black women (whether trans or cis).

So...now let's take trans women and cis women.  I'd say they are 90% in the same lane. But cis-gender women have had to deal with sexism and misogyny from early childhood. Birth maybe. So thats a 10% of the lane that....

Uh.....

Okay. Shit. Here's me starting to argue with myself.

Because I'm thinking. No, Dina. You're wrong. trans women DO deal with misogyny when they are children, because young boys deal with misogyny as much as girls. Sometimes I think it's worse for young boys. 

There are so many "rules".  Don't wear pink. Boys don't play with dolls. Boys can't wear dresses. Boys can't wear make up. Boys don't get their nails painted.

So...I take it back regarding misogyny. 

Sexism, though. Discrimination.  I think, depending on when they transition, trans-women will have missed a lot of this.  I guess I'm talking more about the people who transition in adulthood. I'm guessing they would have a better chance at furthering their career and getting better pay.

So I think late-blooming trans-women might not be able to fully relate to career-harming sexism.

On the other hand, cis-women got to miss out on the agonizing torment of being in the wrong body, having to hide who they are, the prejudice, etc. And once they admit to the world who they are, I'm sure trans women will face enough prejudice and discrimination to make up for all that they missed in their pre-transition stage.

Back to JK Rowling.

I look at the situation through the lens of someone who has dealt with anti-semitism.

If I decided to hate and bully everyone who had a little anti-semitism, I would probably hate most every gentile in the world.

I think it's important to separate anti-semitic feelings into different groups.

There's those that hate us and want us dead. And they don't just want it. They'll actually work to kill us.

There's those that want us dead but will just wish. They won't take action.

There's those that hate us but don't want us dead.

There's those that are okay with us, but they think we made up the Holocaust to get sympathy from the world.

There are those who believe the Jews control the world.

There's those that like Jews, but they think Israel should be given back to the Palestinians. 

There's those that are okay with Jews but they think all girls are spoiled Jewish American Princesses.

There are those who are okay with Jews but they admire and support very anti-Semitic people like Farrakhan.

There are those who are okay with Jews and they are okay with Israel. But they think all the problems in Israel are 100% the fault of the Israeli's and that the Palestinians are completely innocent. 

There are those who are fine with Israel existing but want the Palestinians to have a right-to-return just as Jews do...seemingly not understanding that if this were to happen, Israel would stop being a Jewish state.

There are those who are okay with Jews but feel they don't need their own country.

There are those who "love" Jews but have this very strong need to convert them to Christianity. 

Some of the above stuff is really awful, and I wouldn't want to have anything to do with the people who feel that way. 

The other stuff hurts my feelings, but I wouldn't feel the person saying it deserves death threats. I wouldn't want them to be fired. I wouldn't want them to lose their career. I wouldn't want their friends to turn against them.  If they were my friends, I'd still probably want to be their friends. If they wrote one of my favorite books, I'd still hopefully love those books.

JK Rowling herself hurt my feelings back when she refused to join the boycott of Israel. Well, she made me happy by not supporting the boycott. Ands she angered a lot of Palestinians. But then she wrote this thing where Israel was pretty much presented as a complete tyrant. I'll have to read it again to make sure.  But I think it was less along the lines of, the situation is complicated; Israel and Palestine have both made mistakes. And more along the lines of Yeah, Israel is horrible. But I don't think a boycott is going to fix things.

Though she was really talking about the Israeli government, and I probably agree with her mostly there.   

Anyway....

There have been other celebrities who have been much more pro-Palestinian than pro-Israel. And when I hear that, I DO end up liking the celebrities a little less.  But I still read their books. I still see their movies. I still watch their TV shows.

I wouldn't want bad things to happen to them. I wouldn't feel they deserve hatred. I wouldn't want them to be canceled.

I think we have to separate those who want to kill us, those who despise us and those who want to take away our rights from those who have controversial, ignorant, or outdated opinions that hurt our feelings. 

What would our world be like if we
knew for sure there 
was life after death, and 
we could easily talk to our 
dearly-departed on the Internet?

The Dead are Online a novel by Dina Roberts 

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