Beware of the Neurotypical Ableist

It might NOT be the same people.

But it seems like it's the same people.....

The ones who anger over the use of the word narcissism or narcissist outside of official clinical conversation (because it's incredibly hurtful to people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder) are the same people who throw around the word neurotypical as if it applies to some kind of awful, cruel, unsympathetic person that could never understand how difficult it is to be neurodivergent.  

There's a so-called neurodivergent umbrella that holds a lot of people underneath it.  

Listed under this umbrella: ADHD, ASPD, DID, OSDD, BPD, NPD, Dyslexia, CPTSD, Dyspraxia, sensory processing disorder, Dyscalculia, PTSD, dysgraphia, bipolar, autism, epilepsy, OCD, ABI, tic disorders, schizophrenia, misophonia, hpd, down syndrome, and synthesia.   

How many people do not fall under the umbrella?

I'm not just talking about people officially diagnosed or even self-diagnosed.

How about all the people who have the traits but just never really consider attributing the condition or disorder to themselves?  Or maybe they considered it briefly and then moved on to think about other things....because they're just not really that interested in psychology.  

How many people would fall under the umbrella if they stopped masking?

Neurotypical might not always be about BEING neurotypical.  It might be about WANTING to be neurotypical and clinging to that mask.  

There's a part of me that believes there is no such thing as a neurotypical person. Another part of me argues with that and says...well, there probably are a few people who don't fit under the umbrella,

But if there's only a few, how would that be typical?  

I think it's much more likely that most (or all) of us are neurodivergent. And I'd probably vote to change the word neurotypical to neuro-expected.  There is a certain way society expects us to feel and act...and there is variation to how much each of us values those expectations, how much each of us follows those expectations, and how much each of us struggles to follow those expectations.  

Circling back to the narcissist thing.  It's this feeling I get from some people online that someone diagnosed (professionally or self) with NPD is deserving of more compassion and consideration than someone who hasn't yet undiagnosed or unidentified themselves with the shameful condition of being neurotypical.  

I've come to hate the word ableist.

No. That's not right.

That implies I liked the word and then grew to hate it.

I don't think I've ever liked it.  But with my diagnosis adventures this year, I've tried to be okay with it.  Because it's very often used in the autism community.  

I think I could grow to like the word if it was used to apply to all of us.  

My guess is if you got into a deep conversation with most people using that word, they would agree that disabled people too can be ableist. 

BUT...I think it's seen more as a common affliction of the abled that in rare cases can also afflict the disabled.  Kind of like insulin malfunction belongs to diabetics but some of us non-diabetics sometimes have a bit of a problem with it.  

The question I have is who is disabled and who is not disabled?

I think a lot of people who have parked themselves under the neurodivergent umbrella would count themselves as disabled.  And then if it's disabilities in general, we have to widen the umbrella to include ALS, diabetes, chronic fatigue syndrome, asthma, heart disease, blindness, deafness, autoimmune conditions, Cystic Fibrosis, cancer, chronic skin conditions, gout, diabetes, mobility disorders, Meniere's disease, POTS, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Multiple Sclerosis, addiction disorders, migraines, lyme disease, Parkinson's Disease.  

How many people do not have one of the above or one that I've forgotten?  And we can't exclude all the people who struggle with these disorders but haven't gotten a diagnosis. Or how about the people with very rare conditions that don't have a name yet?  

I witnessed an argument on Twitter between two people about whether it's ever okay to make jokes about disability.  Person A said yes it's okay. Person B said it was not okay.

At one point, person B angrily said something like, I am here as a disabled person telling you it's not okay to joke about disability, and that it hurts me, and you're still having the nerve to disagree with me.

I then joined the conversation and asked Person A  whether they have any disease, disorder, or condition that makes life more challenging for them.... whether diagnosed or undiagnosed.

Person A answered yes.

Why did person B assume that she was the only one with a disability in the conversation?  Was it because it allowed her to believe that her opinion about humor was more valid?  Would she have felt equally comfortable debating someone who also was open about having a diagnosis?

Circling back AGAIN to narcissism. 

I saw an argument today that it's not okay to use the word narcissist or narcissism outside of psychiatry, because the word originated from psychiatry.  Or something like that.

Even if it did originate from psychiatry, within psychiatry it exists outside the disorder. Some psychiatrists have seen it as something that exists in all of us to various degrees.  

Language is constantly evolving.  (What used to be what we did to to Poodles to make them look stylish is now what Disney World is doing to children by no longer saying "Girls and Boys" during shows)

Maybe the people holding up that neurodivergent umbrella will be the winners when it comes to the word narcissism.  Maybe it will get to the point where it's universally offensive to use the word narcissist or narcissism outside describing someone struggling with NPD.  

I hope, though, that it doesn't turn out that way.  I hope that the majority of society will accept the use of the word narcissism whether it's to describe a healthy elevated self-esteem, an annoyingly elevated self-esteem, a harmful-to-others elevated level of self-esteem, or someone who struggles with a personality disorder.  

Shit, though.  I'm picturing a day where people cry ableism if you say something like....

 I'm so anxious about going back to school.

Excuse me! That's very ableist. It's offensive to people who suffer from anxiety disorder.

OR....

I totally panicked when I thought I had forgotten my dad's birthday.

Excuse me.  That's very ableist. It's offensive to people who suffer from panic attacks.

I'm so depressed, because my best friend is no longer speaking to me.

Excuse me. What you mean is you're sad.  You're being ableist to people who suffer from depression.

I was so obsessed with Australia.

Excuse me. That's very ableist. You're minimizing the experience of people who struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder.  

But see with that last one, I have been diagnosed with OCD!  For me, it's quite possible to see the word obsession as part of something I struggle with while also being able to accept the word in a non-clinical context.  

P.S-I'm going to stop with my rigid rule of including a photo in every post, because it's probably actually the thing that has been causing my blogging-block.  Also, I thought I was being cute by posting totally unrelated photos.  But I've looked back at those posts...and I'm cringing more at it than self-adoring.  

P.S (2)- I'm not really up to arguing about any of this, so I'll probably not respond to angry-disagreement. Though I will appreciate you helping me with my algorithm.  If you don't want to help someone who has angered you so much, I suggest you not leave a comment and instead suggest you say your piece on your own blog...or whatever platform you have.   

P.S (3)- If you are diagnosed (self or professionally) with NPD and are an example of what I heard about today...people with NPD that are not abusive.  If you have lived-experience in this and have a blog or have written in some type of platform, I'd be interested in gaining more insight into your feelings and experiences.  If you'd like to leave a link in comments, I'll take a look.  I can't say you'll change my opinion above. But I can't say for sure that you won't.  And I really don't want to be the type of person who absolutely refuses to even entertain an opposing viewpoint.   

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online  a novel by Dina Roberts