What they say: She's nice!! You'll like her!!
What I hear: She has really good social skills! She makes us comfortable, because she has good social skills. YOU have bad social skills. Please don't embarrass us. Please don't ruin this for us. Please pretend you are normal. Please try to BE more normal. We wish you were more like her.
What I wish they'd say instead:
She's weird...in a cool way. She reminds me of you, kind of. I think you'll like her.
I think she's autistic like you!
She's really into Disney World. I think you'll like her.
You know how you were really into Australia. Well, she's really into Norway in the same way.
She gets really obsessed with things too!
It sounds like I'm saying I don't want to meet anyone unless they are autistic and/or have special interests.
To be honest, I do very much prefer meeting those kinds of people.
But in terms of other people, I'm just saying that "nice" is a loaded word to me. I think...because of my autism and my self-esteem issues.
I think, though, that there have been times where I have used those lines towards other people. I mean I have probably talked someone up by describing them as nice. I'm not sure why. But I'm going to make an effort to never do it again.
Nice usually means superb neurotypical social skills. It doesn't tell us whether or not the person is racist, misogynistic, homophobic, self-centered, egotistical, abusive, etc.
It doesn't tell if they have hobbies or interests that match with ours.
It doesn't tell us if we have a life experiences in common.
I think nice should be saved for superficial things...like hair, shoes, and nail polish.
She's a big fan of Disney World. She has a dry sense of humor. It takes getting used to it. And also... Her hair is pretty nice.
What would our world be like if we
The Dead are Online a novel by Dina Roberts
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