Saturday, January 8, 2011

The Box of Memories

So I rummaged through the box of memories.  If you know me well, you know what I REALLY wanted to find....even more than the preschool photo.  I wanted to find some clue to my Australia thing.  Maybe there was SOMETHING in the past.  Maybe if I read EVERY little short story, poem, dream report, etc.  I would have found something.

Perhaps one day, I'll look into stuff with more detail.

I didn't find the class photograph either.   

I did find a copy of a letter from my dad showing that we're not the first people to get fired as medical patients.  Hopefully, it's not a common phenomena.  It seems some doctor's offices believe they can treat their patients like crap. Then when the patients (or family members) get angry, the office says we don't want you as patients anymore.  Bye bye. 

Why treat people decently when there's a shortage of doctors, and surplus of patients?  Right?

I found something I had written that indicates I had more in common with The Faraday Girls novel than I originally believed.  I read that book the last time we were in Australia.  Like The Spell Book of Listen Taylor, this book was very cathartic for me as well.   I could relate to a lot of stuff in it.  But I THOUGHT there was something that probably hadn't happened to me.  Well, I kind of suspected it had, but didn't remember it clearly enough.  I was confused over whether it HAD happened, or I had just exaggerated it in my head.     

I guess it was another memory block.

But anyway. I had written it down.

I won't go into details, but I shall say this.

Let's say there's someone in your life who is SUPPOSED to love you.  Let's say they admit to hating you, or disliking you....either to your face or behind your back.  It's not necessarily the end of the world.  

First of all, I think there's a bit of us that has negative feelings about everyone...even those we deeply love.  Sometimes we get really angry, and blurt out the feelings that should stay hidden. Someone could say they hate us, and they don't truly mean it.

And what if they do truly hate you? What if they don't love you the way they're supposed to? What if they have more negative feelings than positive ones?

That's sad, but you know what.....

Feelings can change. They can grow to love you. Maybe.  

Your self-esteem can be a bit bruised in the meantime. But that can be mended as well.   

Sometimes bad feelings fade away, and things get better. They're forgotten until fate pushes you to rummage through a memory box.