Thursday, January 6, 2011

Cathartic Reading

I'm probably NOT alone in this.  But sometimes I feel as if no one understands me.  Well, I mean when I talk about certain aspects of my life.  I think many people DO understand what I'm saying.   I don't think I confuse people....too much.  I think it's more that they.... I don't know how to say this?   Maybe it's like they disagree with me?  They think I'm misinterpreting things?   

It's like I might say. That woman gave me a dirty look.  Then my friend doesn't believe me.   Why would she give you a dirty look?  She didn't give you a dirty look.   Do you think maybe you just imagined it?  Or maybe she was giving someone else a dirty look, and not you.    

And if they do think I happen to be understanding my situation in a realistic way; then it's usually a matter of well, it could be worse. Stop complaining. You're lucky to have what you have.   

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel highly invalidated in certain aspects of my life.  I've tried to talk to so many people, and it's come to the point where I just give up.  

So right when I decide to give up.....

I read The Spell Book of Listen Taylor.  By the time I got to the end, I was thinking, Oh!  Someone DOES understand how I feel.  Reading that book was very cathartic for me, and it came into my life at the exact right time.   

I love that books can do that for us. They can give us the chance to feel understood. They can make us feel less alone.  

Yeah, it's a fictional person that I'm relating to. But where did the Jaclyn Moriarty get the idea for the character.  Maybe she based it off her own experiences?   Maybe she thought about a friend when writing the book   So I bet there are people in the world who share my feelings and situations.   

What if the fictional character was real?  Would I be friends with her?  Would our commonality bond us, or would we get into one of those competitive modes of I have it worse than you.  

I ultimately chose a different path and solution than the character. Would this come between us?   Would she not respect my choice?  Would I look down at her choice?

I don't know.  

In some ways, I think the best of friends are those who stay within the pages of a book.  You can read about them, relate to them, learn from them, etc.  But they can't look back and judge you.  OR can they??????  (insert Twilight Music here).

Oh, and I do love my real life friends as well.  I love them dearly.  They bring huge amounts of joy to my life.  I guess it's just in terms of leaning on someone when I feel troubled....books bring me more comfort.  That's why I'm grateful to my parents for giving me a very generous Powells gift certificate.   

Speaking of.....

I actually ordered more books yesterday.  I went to read that interview regarding Alfred Deakin's spirituality.  It turns out the guy being interviewed wrote a book, and Powells had it.  I rarely buy nonfiction anymore, but I made an exception.  I hope the book is fascinating, and I don't regret buying it.