Saturday, January 15, 2011

Waking Up From the Nightmare

This is the flood story that upsets me the most. 

I hate stories that involve children dying.

I handled it much better before I became a mother.

When something horrible happens, we're never supposed to think or say I know how you feel unless we've actually been in that situation.

But in the case of something happening to our children, I DO think we understand how it feels.   I mean I think all of us parents understand.  I think we can FEEL it. We can feel the grief, sadness, and emptiness along with the wailing mothers.

Well, I think we at least know how it feels for the first few horrible moments.  

I've had horrible nightmares about things happening to Jack. I scream in fear and loss. Then I wake up.  I feel relieved, but not completely. I know that bad things happen outside of nightmares sometimes.  What if one day something happens, and I can't wake up from the nightmare? What if I become stuck....because it's not a dream?

THAT is what I can't comprehend. I don't know how that feels. I know only those initial moments of extreme despair.  I can totally imagine how that mother felt as she lost grip of her little girl. I want to scream along with her when I read the article.

I can NOT imagine how she felt hours after it happened. I can't imagine how she'll feel in the next weeks, months, years, etc.  I hope and pray I never have to know how she feels.  I wish, hope, and pray that NO parent had to feel what she's going to have to feel.  

People without children might wonder what's the hardest part of parenting.  I'd say it's not the lack of sleep or the leaking diapers.  It's not the reduction of movie dates, or fights with teenagers.  To me, it's knowing that some parents have nightmares in which they can never awaken from.