Friday, May 23, 2014

I'm Sorry We Didn't Visit You

I had another one of my recurring dreams... or a variation, at least. It's all about forgetting or neglecting to visit friends when we're in Australia.

The dream was irrational because I was in a room with Tracey, the friend I had neglected visiting. But why was I worried about not visiting her when we were face to face in a room?  Well, I think the face to face visit was symbolic of an internet conversation.  My dreaming mind seems to shy away from computers. Maybe it doesn't know how to create that prop inside my head. Case in point: I often dream about Minecraft, but I'm never sitting at my computer playing. The dreams always involve me being in the actual Minecraft setting.

Anyway. In the dream: I talk to Tracey. She's very friendly and jovial—doesn't seem offended that we failed to visit her. Still, I'm anxious about it and am trying to think of excuses in my head just in case she asks. Then I'm telling her about how we had problems on a flight—maybe left something? She thinks I'm talking about our trip home to Texas, and I almost correct her and say no it was a domestic flight from Melbourne to....(wherever else we went).  But then I stop myself. It's bad enough to go to Australia and not visit her, but it's really awful to go to her city and not visit her.  Again, I start trying to think of excuses in case she asks me questions. I'm thinking I'll say the reason we didn't want to visit is I know she's busy with work and stuff, and I didn't want her to get stressed out about having visitors.

I don't think my dreams are about me being a snob who doesn't make time to see friends. I think it's more about my insecurities about reaching out to people, worrying about rejection, and avoiding the whole thing by rejecting them first.  Then after I reject them to avoid being rejected, I worry I made a mistake.

On our last trip to Australia, I did reach out to certain people, risking the whole rejection thing. Out of five people, four said yes to seeing us.  Out of the four who said yes, I feel some of them met up with me only because they wanted to be nice and not make me feel rejected.  But then I think maybe I only asked them out of obligation.  So it could have been mutual.  HOWEVER....I think the reason I was wishy-washy about seeing some of them is because I wasn't sure how they felt about me. I sometimes have self-esteem issues.

Then there was a person I failed to contact and when I came home he expressed regret over this. Shit. Oops.  But he didn't seem overly offended. And how do I know he really cared? Maybe he was just being nice.

I think my conclusion to all this is a it's a mess visiting a place where you have online friends and acquaintances. At least it is for me.

Before I end this post, I'm going to return to the subject of dreams.  Johnny Depp was featured in mine last night; though not in the Australian bit. He was related to us, or we were friends with him.  He was very nice. Then I did my usual reading of last year's dream, on this date, and I saw another Johnny Depp dream.

Johnny Depp is kind of random for me...random enough for me to have one dream about him.  But for me to have two years in a row of dreaming about him on May 23? It's nuts.

I never know what to make of these coincidences.

Recently I read three novels in a row that had snake vs. human scenes. I feel that should be a message of some kind, but I don't know what it is.



2 comments:

Lucie Novak said...

You write well. You know how people think dreams are boring? Yours are not!
Lucie Novak ( a friend from Goodreads

Dina said...

Lucie,

That's a huge compliment.

It reminds me...There's an Aussie show called Love My Way. The first episode was called "Don't Tell Me Your Dreams."

I think our dreams are more interesting to ourselves than others, so I'm probably rude for posting mine. But I like knowing at least one person finds them interesting : )