Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Glue Society, Tower of Terror, Rose Tyler, and Insomnia

Before going to bed last night, I looked at Instagram on my phone. There was a photo from the City of Sydney account about The Glue Society.

The Glue Society has set up a photo studio outside the Queen Victoria Building. They take photos of a group of strangers together in the form of a class photo. I actually thought it sounded like a lot of fun. Although I also thought it's not the only place where you can get your photo taken with a group of strangers. There's the Tower of Terror in Disney World. You sit with a bunch of strangers in a fake elevator, and during the ride they take a picture of all of you.  Maybe it's not a class photo, but still.... 


I went to sleep.

Then I woke up a few hours later after having anxiety dreams...not about my biopsy today, but the death of Rose Tyler.  It turns out we're getting THAT episode the day of my biopsy. Go figure.

Before falling back asleep I thought again about The Glue Society. I suddenly wondered something. Do you have to stand in a long line to get your photo taken? If you do, it's kind of like standing in line at Disney World, but then not actually going on a ride. Although now that I think of it, people actually do that. The longest lines in Disney World are not often for the rides; they're for getting your picture taken with a character.

I had fun thinking about that for awhile and it would have been lovely if, on that note, I fell back asleep.

But no such luck.

Now I have insomnia...probably anxiety induced. I think by now it's more about the biopsy than Rose Tyler. Though my heart sinks when I think of her. I really do get emotionally involved in my TV shows.

My anxiety is over stupid things. I don't even really think I'm scared of cancer. Most breast biopsies end up being benign. And those of us with thingies that were discovered by mammograms rather than our hands often have a cancer that's hardly even a cancer. And it's not deadly. So the chance of this being a dangerous situation is very slim.  

This is what I'm worried about.  Today I'll end up having the type of results that need to go to a lab. They'll call on Thursday and ask me to come in for the results.  Should I come in Friday or wait until Monday? I won't want to wait until Monday. But Tim has plans on Friday. I ask him to cancel, so he can drive me to the doctor. He acts supportive, but he's very disappointed about Friday being canceled. Then I go all the way to the doctor, and they tell me it's benign. And that will be a relief. But my relief will be overshadowed by the embarrassment I'll feel for making Tim cancel his plans.  

If I'm not too nervous and shy today, I might ask them to please not do that to me.   

Although seeing that it seems I might get only three hours of sleep tonight, the chances of me being capable of making coherent requests is slim. 

I think the anxiety of these medical tests are much more detrimental to my health than the tiny things in my breast that are probably just cysts.  

Back to the Australian stuff.

I Googled The Glue Society and got an Australian art/film/photography website. So I'm guessing this is what I saw on Instagram. But they don't have anything on their website about the class picture project.  I wish they did. Because now it's making me feel all confused, like the universe is messing with me. I'm left wondering if there are two Australian Glue Society's that do artsy things. 

 I don't think this would bother me if I was well rested and in a healthy state of mind.  

Ah. Now I feel better. Their Facebook page talks about the class photo thing. Good. One thing different from these photos and the Tower of Terror ones is the Glue Society gives you a free photo. Disney World makes you pay. 

Now back to the biopsy thing. (I'm playing ping pong here). If I have one piece of advice for friends and family of someone going through potentially scary medical tests, it's this: Please don't act like nothing's wrong, and that life is business as usual. Don't tell your friend everything will be fine, and don't keep assuring your friend that the doctors are just being over-cautious.  Of course you shouldn't freak out and act like it's the end of the world. But worry a bit along with your friend...even if you have to fake it. In my experience—and I've read enough stuff online to make me feel assured I'm not alone in this—all these platitudes are not at all reassuring. They don't make me feel at all better about things. It's just makes me feel like I'm a hypochondriac loser.

I lectured a certain family member about this the last time I had a medical drama. I told them that when and if I get happy medical news, I want to call my family and imagine they're sighing with great relief. I want to know I wasn't the only one who was scared. But instead what I felt was that when and if I told them the good news, they'd simply be chuckling to themselves and rolling their eyes...thinking, Oh, that Dina. Being such a drama queen again.  

I feel I'm being contradictory and slightly insane. I talk about being scared, but earlier I said it's doubtful anything will be wrong. The thing is, even if there is a slim chance of there being something wrong, there's still a chance. And even though my conscious mind is more upset about Rose Tyler dying (just writing that fills my eyes with tears),  I think my subconscious mind is super worried. My stomach has been bothering me all week. Tonight I feel like I can't breath when I lie down. I can't sleep. So obviously a part of me is worried. OR I have a severe case of Dr. Who Obsession Disease.  It probably causes similar symptoms to worry-about-breast-biopsy disease.   

Edited to Add: Had procedure today and my breast is fine! I don't think it was technically a biopsy. They were able to tell I was okay by just looking the liquid they removed. If the liquid had looked bad, then they would have had to send it off to a lab. Or if the thingie didn't disappear, they would have had to take tissue.

But all is well.

Thanks for listening : )