Thursday, May 14, 2015

How the Apocalypse Began

If I was going to write another novel, I'd make it one of those horror contagion stories.  It would all begin with a cocky celebrity breaking the laws of quarantine, because he thinks he's above all that. His sweat isn't sweat. It's liquid gold.  His boogers are gems. His farts are perfume. His dogs are royalty.

No...I don't think Johnny Depp's dogs should be killed by the Australian government. That would be sad for the dog, dog-lovers,  and it would probably ruin the relationship between Americans and Australians.

I do think the dogs should be confiscated,  though, and put into quarantine. Or Depp and his dogs should be sent home.  I know it's not that easy. It's a long flight. But Depp should have read the small print before getting his dogs on the plane.  I do wonder...did he know the rule and felt he could get away with it?  Or did he just not know about it?  If it's the latter, I have sympathy. Traveling is stressful and complicated. I think many of us can relate to not knowing something we were supposed to know.  If that's true and Depp just made a mistake...fine. But he needs to fix it.  He shouldn't rely on his fans to save his dogs via petitions.

I actually read about Depp in the middle of the night. I wake up to pee every two hours or so and sometimes play on my phone a bit before going back to sleep.  I realized, after reading the article, that I don't quite like Depp.  It's not exactly his fault.  It's like Julian McMahon has had this huge positive influence on my life without actually doing anything or knowing about it.  Well, Johnny Depp caused some drama in my life without actually doing anything or knowing about it. So...

No. I'm being unfair. It wasn't Depp alone. There was a whole cast and crew of people involved, and I don't have any negative feelings towards the rest of them. It's just Depp.  I think the real reason I dislike him is I'm sick of seeing his face on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. I preferred the ride before they changed it for the movies.

But then the question is WHY don't I like seeing his face on the ride? I wouldn't be bothered if there was an animatronic Patrick Brammall on a Disney ride.

I used to like Depp...a lot!  He was so cute in Nightmare on Elm Street.  I loved Benny and Joon. And I remember enjoying Ed Wood.

Looking at Depp's filmography, I'm getting the idea that I liked 20th century Johnny Depp better than 21st century Johnny Depp. Although I did like him in Finding Neverland. That was a sweet movie. (And it's so cute to see Norman Bates when he was young!)

But still. It doesn't matter.  If 20th century Johnny Depp brought his dogs into Australia, I'd still think he should get the dogs back out.  The same would go for Julian McMahon, Patrick Brammall, and any other celebrity I don't dislike for mysterious reasons.