Thursday, May 5, 2016

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye, and Goodbye

1. Dreamed that, my dad has been given a gift from an Australian. The gift has something to do with American singers.  

My dad makes a quiet snide comment about getting an American gift from an Australian.  I'm offended by his comment and call him out on it. But then I start feeling bad that he didn't get an Australian gift.  

I'd probably be disappointed if an Australian gave me an American gift. I'm not sure my dad would mind. Well, he might be disappointed, but I don't think he'd be mean about in the dream.

When we lived in New York, I volunteered in a first grade classroom. The family of this little Japanese boy invited Tim and I over for breakfast.  We expected a traditional Japanese breakfast, and were disappointed to get an American one. We weren't rude about it, though.

2. Decided to maybe quit my blog...or at least take a long break from it.

I hate to think I'm doing it because I'm losing popularity. That's probably one of the reasons, but there are others.

I'll list them.

A) It's been something I've been considering the past few weeks...or months.
I thought about it again this morning. Then today, the past post I read was this overdramatic one.  I had planned to quit in 2012 but then came back again.  I don't fault myself for returning. Well, it is kind of embarrassing.  I think it's always a little embarrassing to dramatically announce your exit and then return again.

B) I've grown to really despise narcissism.  I try very hard not to act/be narcissistic in my life outside the blog—talking to people, emails, texts, Twitter, etc.  But this blog is just naturally narcissistic.  I blab on and on about myself. Sometimes it embarrasses me.

C) I keep using the same words over and over.  Yesterday I used the word "strange" in my post way too many times. Today I'm stuck on the word "embarrass".

D) I feel I'm just repeating the same opinions, stories, and insights over and over.  I'm pretty sure I've already told the story of the not-Japanese breakfast.

I do think I have some brilliant opinions and insights, and I'm glad I've gotten them down here for the world to see.  But I don't think I need to keep repeating them.  (See? Narcissism!)

E) Time issues.  I want more time to read books, read the news, exercise, watch TV shows, clean the house (no not really) read other people's blogs, learn French, be outside, etc.

I was going to sound like a good wife and mother by saying I want to spend more time with my child and husband.  But Tim is usually happily, busy playing his Battlefield game.  I think we're both content with the amount of time we spend together.  Jack is a teenager, and probably would not appreciate me increasing my time with him. With the homeschooling, we already spend quite a lot of time together.  I am VERY grateful for that.  If I tried to increase the time, Jack might try to become one of those kids who divorces their parents.

F) This morning I realized all I really do for this blog is watch TV shows.  I worry that what I write doesn't even make sense to people reading since they're probably not watching the same shows.

Even if they watched the shows in the past, they might not remember enough for my post to make any sense to them.

I think the main reason I have continued to write in this blog, the past several months, is the fear that what's keeping me watching Australian TV and movies is so I can write in my blog.

It's all confusing, though. One thing I tell myself when thinking about quitting is I can just take breaks. But on days that I take breaks, I also take breaks from watching my Australian TV shows. I feel that I'm going to get all behind on my Australian-watching.  I have such a huge list of things I want to watch!

I'm realizing, though, that if I quit my blog I can keep watching Australian shows. I can watch MORE Australian shows, because I'll have more time. It takes longer to watch a show when I keep having to stop and write about it.

G) I know my blog will continue to get visitors even if I quit.

I do have a need for attention. I personally don't think I have a higher than average need.  I mean I don't think I have an unhealthy need. I just like to feel that I'm not invisible and that some people out there are reading the stuff I've written.  I don't need a huge audience.  But I do like when I go on Statcounter and see that someone has spent time on my blog.

The thing is, I don't need to keep writing my blog to have that. People visiting my blog usually come for my old biography posts. If I quit, I think people will probably keep coming.


Goodbye Forever.


Goodbye for now.  Hopefully I'll manage to stay away for at least a few weeks!

I'm on Twitter if anyone wants to be with me there. I haven't often posted Australian stuff, because I do that here.  But now, if I'm not blogging, maybe that shall change.

Edited to Add: Also....if anyone is interested, I have two novels available on Kindle.  

There's Thirty Cats, which is novel about a young woman who has neurofibromatosis.

The other is The Dead are Online.  As the title suggests, it's about a world in which talking to the deceased is easy and commonplace.