Thursday, April 11, 2019

Being 100% Authentic is Overrated

This morning I watched this video about narcissists and their flying monkey.  Les Carter gives some insights into the flying monkey thing. Then he talks about being authentic. When you stop being a flying monkey, you can be authentic.

What does it mean to be authentic?

According to Carter, it's when your inside emotions match your outside.

That made me uncomfortable, because I quite frequently hide my emotions. Watching the video made me feel like a bad person for doing so.

Then I watched an episode of Jane the Virgin that made me feel better.

Jane (Gina Rodriguez) lets Rogelio, her father, know that she and Michael (Brett Dier) are planning to get back together.

Rogelio is very much Team Michael, so he is very excited about this development. Yet he stays calm, because Jane's requested that he do so. We're shown what he shows Jane and then we're shown how he'd react if he was...well if he was being Les Carter's version of authentic.

Now if Jane hadn't asked him to be calm, should he have still repressed some of his emotions?

I'd say, yeah. Because his excitement might have caused Jane stress, later down the road, if she and Michael broke up again. Or maybe it's simply that parents shouldn't be so heavily invested in their child's partner, spouse, etc.

I would also say a parent needs to suppress some emotions if they're feeling sad and disappointed about a break up.

I'm not saying they need to be stone-faced about the whole thing. They can let some feeling slip through. But maybe if they're feeling super depressed....major grief. Well, maybe, on the outside, they can tone it down to mild sadness.

I hide emotions.

I hide some of my anger, because I know it will lead to fights.

I hide some of my anxiety, because I don't want other people to become nervous about what I'm nervous about.

I hide sadness sometimes, because it can be too personal.

I hide happiness sometimes, because I don't want someone to purposely or accidentally diminish it. 

I hide disgust and other judgey feelings,'s likely none of my business. And I can think what I want inside my head, but I don't need to hurt someone's feelings by sharing it.

If someone hides all their emotions all the time, I think that's very sad. But to pressured to share everything we're feeling inside?

That's not right.

We have a right to privacy.  We have a right to hide what we're thinking AND what we're feeling.

If that makes us a bit fake....

So be it.