Now I Have a Reason to Learn Te Reo Māori

Although I loved the universe sending a new special interest my way, it didn't bring me as much excitement as past special interests, because I couldn't connect a purpose to it.

For example, with Australia, I had the purpose of moving to Australia.  And when that didn't work out, blogging about Australia gave me a purpose.

I like when there's a purpose...a dream.  A hope.  Something to strive for. 

Though I loved learning the Māori language, I didn't love the idea that I was doing it for no real reason.

I mean it's fine to just do it for joy...for the beauty of the language.  

And it's good exercise for my aging brain.

But I wanted something more.

Now I have it!

Drum Roll....

My purpose of learning Te Reo Māori is so that someday I can watch Ōpaki and understand everything they're saying. Or most of everything they're saying.

How did I figure this out?

The Māori+ app went all wonky one day.  It seemed possessed...jumping from one episode to another.  Like flashing through time.

Kind of like what happened in season five of Lost. Minus the nosebleeds. But probably more disorienting.

I have other Māori apps and used those as I waited for Ōpaki to be okay again. There was this part of me, though, that felt...what's the point of doing this? Because I'm not sure I want to learn Te Reo Māori if I can't watch Ōpaki.

Yes. See.....

I have become emotionally attached to Ōpaki.

And that has now given me a purpose.

* * *

I probably need to find more purposes. In case I learn something like there are people involved with the show that hate Zionists.  Or...they're TOO pro-Zionist and support things like Trump invading Greenland.   

(No. Invading Greenland isn't a Zionist thing. But I fear there are people who are so obsessively grateful to Trump for his style of supporting Israel; that they either ignore or grow to accept and even applaud his other plans and ideas). 

Writing and Self-Esteem

1. I decided not to quit blogging.  At least not yet.  

2. It's not the imagined idea that there are people out there wanting me to continue that pushed me not to quit. It's the imagined idea that there are people out there NOT wanting me to write that pushes me to continue.

This is both on a personal level—the idea that there are people who want ME specifically to stop writing and on a general level—people out there who would like people-like-me to stop writing.   

3. It's arrogant to imagine people care enough about me or people-like-me to care enough whether or not I quit blogging or not.  But it's also arrogant to imagine the happy-opposite.

4. I'm fine with this level of arrogance.  At least for now.

5. I was so embarrassed by recent posts I wrote.  But, a few days later, when I went back and read them, I actually loved what I wrote.

Then today I read an old post where I'm super angsty.  I had blogged as I was experiencing a major self-esteem crisis.  And I loved my writing there too.

I think I'm at my best (writing-wise) when I'm in the midst of embarrassing turmoil.

6. Wondered if my writing is the worst when I'm cheerful and confident.

7. Realize fully that not everyone is going to share my opinion about my writing.  Subtracting the people who hate all my writing.  Out of those who remain, some may be annoyed or feel uncomfortable with my angst.  They might like my writing only when I'm cheerful.  Or at least prefer it when I'm cheerful.

8. I'm not going to fake despair or push myself into despair in order to write the type of blog posts my future self will prefer.  She and I understand, it's not needed.  These things come naturally for us.

9. Wouldn't it be funny if I've jinxed us and now my life is going to be full of success, joy, and high self-esteem?