1. I decided not to quit blogging. At least not yet.
2. It's not the imagined idea that there are people out there wanting me to continue that pushed me not to quit. It's the imagined idea that there are people out there NOT wanting me to write that pushes me to continue.
This is both on a personal level—the idea that there are people who want ME specifically to stop writing and on a general level—people out there who would like people-like-me to stop writing.
3. It's arrogant to imagine people care enough about me or people-like-me to care enough whether or not I quit blogging or not. But it's also arrogant to imagine the happy-opposite.
4. I'm fine with this level of arrogance. At least for now.
5. I was so embarrassed by recent posts I wrote. But, a few days later, when I went back and read them, I actually loved what I wrote.
Then today I read an old post where I'm super angsty. I had blogged as I was experiencing a major self-esteem crisis. And I loved my writing there too.
I think I'm at my best (writing-wise) when I'm in the midst of embarrassing turmoil.
6. Wondered if my writing is the worst when I'm cheerful and confident.
7. Realize fully that not everyone is going to share my opinion about my writing. Subtracting the people who hate all my writing. Out of those who remain, some may be annoyed or feel uncomfortable with my angst. They might like my writing only when I'm cheerful. Or at least prefer it when I'm cheerful.
8. I'm not going to fake despair or push myself into despair in order to write the type of blog posts my future self will prefer. She and I understand, it's not needed. These things come naturally for us.
9. Wouldn't it be funny if I've jinxed us and now my life is going to be full of success, joy, and high self-esteem?
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