Friday, May 25, 2012

Crying

I'm feeling guilty about my last post.

Well, maybe it's not guilt.

It's more like worry.  I'm worried I gave people the wrong idea.

I don't want people to think I'm against public crying.

And in fact...I have cried in public.

The funny thing is, the times that come immediately to mind involve Australian folks.

One was when I was at a playground in Sydney. I was sad about having to go back to America soon.   I was on the verge of tears.  Then my friend called.   I'm often okay at holding back my tears, but that's not the case when I'm forced to speak.  

So I started to cry in front of her (phone-wise), and in front of whoever was at the playground.

I cried in Hawaii when we were with our friends.  We were soon to say good-bye to our rental house and we were taking last minute group photos. I was all choked up and then a song came on that put me over the edge.

Yeah.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not a cold-hearted bitch.

I'm not against crying.

I'm definitely not against showing emotion.

But I still do admire the ability to stay strong despite the sadness.  Maybe it's not about crying vs. not crying.  It's probably more about continuing what needs to be done when we're feeling sad. 

And yes. I also understand that sometimes things get so overly bad.  And then you can't hold it together, and you completely fall apart.  What's admirable in those cases is when (if) the person is eventually able to be okay again.  I think it takes huge amounts of courage to survive something like that.   

2 comments:

FruitCake said...

Many, many years ago, a friend who was know to hundreds as a very strong woman, booked herself into a psychiatric hospital for some time out. I learned then that my listening-between-the-lines or reading-body-language skills were not as fantastic as I had thought.

I admire people who achieve a lot, but am no longer so sure they are as "strong" as they appear. I worry about people who never seem to cry.

Dina said...

Fruitcake,

Maybe the friend WAS strong. Even strong people fall apart sometimes.

I'm now thinking though that maybe my admiration of Nina holding herself together might not be 100% healthy. It might have been slightly misguided.

Maybe I should have just left it at "I can RELATE to feeling and acting that way."

Sometimes I wish certain important people, in my life, would notice that I'm crumpling on the inside. I mean not that I'm in a constant state of crumple. But when I AM...I do sort of wish they'd notice and say "Hey, Dina. Are you okay?"

On the other hand, I think them not noticing makes it easier on me sometimes. But that could be due to the fear I'd end up opening up to them. And from experience I know that usually doesn't help; and often makes things worse for me.

I think I'm actually now quite good at comforting myself. Maybe that makes me strong; and maybe I DO admire that about myself.

Or maybe it's a bad thing.

I don't know.....

I guess I really don't have the answers yet. I'm still trying to figure it all out.