Friday, March 23, 2018

My Life in 1987 (Part 2)

I got myself a new diary in 1987.



I think that one is more...grandmotherly.  I personally prefer the earlier Teddy Bear one.

Han wasn't too nice today...This is the first time Han has been a jerk since like November. I think he was in a bad mood.  (5/12/87). Uh oh. I wonder what was up with Han. You know I can't remember Han being around in high school. I'm guessing he left. Or I totally lost interest in him.

Oh! I just saw that the entry lasts for two pages. I think I became more wordy as I aged.  I talk more about the Han conversation: This is what Han said. I asked how many laps he was going to do. He says I don't know. Than I say are you the fastest runner and he says I don't know. Then I say is that all you can say.

I was probably one of the slowest runners in the class. It's funny that I had a crush on the maybe-fastest. I'm wondering about Han? Was he annoyed by me? Embarrassed by my sort-of-compliments? Upset about something else?

I was so jealous because Han was talking to this other girl. I get jealous easy. Half of me hates him. Half of me likes him. Half of me says he likes her (I don't even know her name) and half of me says he likes me. Marni says maybe he doesn't like anybody.  (5/13/87).  Maybe Han was in love with Marni! That would be a good twist. Although I think my 14-year-old self would have absolutely hated that storyline.

Everything seems to be going wrong. It's all because of Han. The rest of my life is great. I have a lot of friends (boy and girl). I have found something I'm really good at (writing). (5/14/87) Conclusion: Han was my everything.

I found out the girl he might like is Julie W. I hate her. (5/15/87). And you know what, I'm re-hating this Julie right now.

Han is going with Julie W. It's weird but I feel better now that it's clear. (5/16/87). I'm glad I felt better. But you know, here I am 31 years later and I'm actually feeling a twinge of jealousy towards Julie. I think this means I'm strongly connecting to my past self.  The past and present are colliding.  Last night I started thinking of this project, and how it kind of reminds me of the Netflix miniseries Dark.  I started listening to one of the songs from it, and it kind of felt like it should be the theme of my diary-readings.

My grandmother is over and she's driving me up the wall. All she talks about is food. (5/17/87). It's too bad she's not still alive. She could have become an Instagram foodie.

And also on May 17: Melissa thinks Julie W. is pretty and she started singing here comes the bride for Ham and her. That didn't make me too happy.  Ah! Sisters are so nice.  Right now I don't like Erin because she tells me all her problems but won't listen to mine.  That's a problem I'll have through out my life. Though maybe it's my karma for forcing my sister, Marni, etc. to listen to me go on and on about Han.

This morning we went to a science fiction thing expecting to see Robert Englund. We ended up seeing nothing but shit. (5/24/87). Was Robert Englund not there?  Or did we just miss him?

Well two good things happened today. First Han broke up with Julie or Julie broke up with Han. I guess it doesn't really matter who broke up with who. Or does it? Second, Michael Emory asked me to the dance with him. I said yes. I like him as a friend.  (5/26/87). I can't say I remember this Michael.  Or...maybe I vaguely do. I think we hardly talked to each other at the dance. I wonder if I wrote about that in the diary. I shall see....

Han came in second in all his events.  I think I like him again.  I bought a dress for the dance. It is pink and looks like a prom dress. (5/24/87)

Well I sent three stories to Seventeen Magazine and I sent some letters to Penpals. (5/30/87) Han wasn't my only passion in life. I wrote a lot of stories and had tried very hard to get published. Sadly, that dream never really came true.

I am sad. June 1988 we are moving to Miami Florida. My parents are mad at me because I'm worried about little things like TV stations and cleaning ladies. (6/1/87). I'm sure I was worried about the big things as well.  I'm hoping/assuming my parents were reacting from their own stresses and were not literally angry at me for having trivial worries.

We didn't end up moving to Miami.

I like Mike a little more than a friend now. (6/3/87). I wish I remembered more about Mike.

It was the 8th grade dance. I wore a pink prom dress. I don't think Mike likes me anymore. I'm so embarrassed. I think if I danced good, he would. In the middle of dancing, he said, let's switch partners.  (6/4/87) Oh...that's sad.  My poor, young heart.

Erin came over to go swimming...I cleaned my room while Erin was here and she got a little mad. (6/6/87). I can't say I blame her.

Melissa and I spit mucus into a bowl and then added salt. It made the mucus very thick. Maybe that's why Cystic Fibrosis people have thick mucus. (6/9/87)  Wow. We were such little scientists.  I think I might have been actually right. Did I read that somewhere and that's why we tried the experiment?  Or was I having some kind of weird moment of brilliance?  From what I remember learning, in Cystic Fibrosis there's a problem with the chloride channel, so the mucus has too much salt and not enough water.

Ah! I just remembered. I do know that I knew that the sweat of people with CF has an excessive amount of salt. So maybe I connected things that way.

I am hungry and pissed off at my family. They are crazy. My dad is over the edge and everyone else is having a nervous breakdown. I only like Toby and Beau right now.  (6/10/87). I'm guessing we were all stressed out about the Miami thing. Toby and Beau, by the way, were our dogs.

Neil is treating Melissa like a baby. He did the same to me when I was 9 and as soon as I got older he hated me. He doesn't like to see people mature. (6/13/87).  I talked about the Neil thing in a previous post.  He was my sister's camp boyfriend and had come to visit at the same time that my cousin and Grandmother came to visit.  I'm not sure why we had all these people over at once? But I'm wondering if that's another reason my parents were on edge.  Maybe it wasn't just the Miami thing.