Tuesday, September 4, 2018

How to Be Awful to Someone Who Has or Had an Eating Disorder

Is there someone in your life who currently has an eating disorder? Or maybe you know someone who is trying to recover from an eating disorder or is trying to avoid having a relapse of a past eating disorder?

Would you, for some reason, like to encourage them to keep on with the eating disorder or return to an eating disorder?  Maybe you highly value thinness? Maybe you simply like to mess with people's head...especially vulnerable people?

Well, have I got the guide for you!

Here's my invaluable advice on how to fuck around with someone who has an eating disorder present or an eating disorder past.

1. Compliment them a lot as they begin to lose the weight. Increase your compliments as they get thinner and thinner. Tell them often how good they're looking.

2. In case your own compliments aren't enough, make sure to also tell them that your friends are also very impressed with their new look.

3. Compliment them on their willpower. Tell them that you wish you had their willpower.

4. Try to avoid, or at least limit, compliments that are not related to their weight and/or appearance.  Doing so can be extremely detrimental to your goals. You don't want the person to lose focus! You wouldn't want them to imagine they have value outside their thinness.

5. If the person tells you they have an eating disorder and are going try to stop having an eating disorder, don't offer them any compassion or encouragement. They need to go through this ALONE!  This way there is a chance they might return to the eating disorder and remain adorably skinny. Or if that can't be obtained by your methods, they will at least feel very lonely, lost, and neglected. That might be entertaining to watch.

6. Tell the person, who tells you they have/had an eating disorder, that they're wrong. Tell them they didn't have an eating disorder. This will really mess with their head...maybe even to the point that they get depressed. It might even inspire them to keep on with the eating disorder or return to one they've abandoned!  How cool would that be!?

Wait, but don't stop there.  Make sure to provide the person with your own standards of what equals an eating disorder.  This way, if you're able to succeed in helping the person return to the eating disorder, you've given them a new goal to aspire to. For example, you might say, A person with an eating disorder weighs 40 pounds and is in the hospital with tubes sticking out of them! 

If your friend, coworker, or family member only managed to get down to 97 pounds they will probably feel like quite the failure.

7. If years later, the person loses a lot of weight again, either because of a relapse or other illness, make sure to look very impressed. Tell them they look great and make sure to acknowledge the weight loss.

8. Repeatedly push the person to return to behaviors that they have repeatedly told you they're trying to avoid. For example, if they're trying to avoid fitness trackers, repeatedly ask them if they have one.  If they try to tell you they're trying to avoid it because of their past eating disorder, ignore them! Or if you can't ignore them, try to forget that they've shared this information with you. Or at least pretend to forget.

9. Make sure you let them know that you equate dieting and weight loss with goodness. If you see they haven't taken a dessert from the buffet yet, say in an impressed and pleased tone, Are you trying to be good?  

10. If you are serving dessert to a crowd, make sure to buy a low-calorie alternative for the person who has left their eating disorder.  It doesn't matter if they've poured their heart out to you about their eating disorder and how they're going to stop trying to restrict themselves. Ignore all that!

11. If you look at old photos with the person who had an eating disorder in the past, make sure to give compliments on the photos that display them at their thinnest. Say things like, You looked like a model! You're so beautiful there! 

12. Make sure to comment on other people's weight in front of them. One very effective phrase is, She let herself go. Remember when making any of these comments: Thin=awesome  Not thin=failure.  You MUST get these straight in your head so you can communicate effectively.

13. If the person shows a bit of vulnerability, mentions their past eating disorder, and explains why they avoid certain behaviors, do NOT say anything supportive, encouraging, or sensitive. This would be a huge mistake!! Instead, make sure they know that you personally don't avoid these behaviors. Why? Because you are more awesome than them. Make sure they know that you have the willpower they once had. Yeah, you might not succeed in getting them to return to their eating disorder. But you will probably get them to feel like a failure. At the very least, you will have them knowing that YOU think they're weak and a failure.

14. When you go to the store, buy them some weight loss tea! This will really mess with their head. When they start looking agitated, play innocent. What? Really? I had no idea that was weight loss tea. Wait. They believe you? A fight's not going to happen? That's no fun! So later, if you see they've put the tea in the corner, away from the teas they regularly drink, move it front and center. They'll either drink it and maybe start getting thin again...or they'll entertain you with their anger. If you're lucky, both might happen.

15. Avoid reading about eating disorders! Do not educate yourself! I repeat. Do NOT educate yourself. Doing so can be detrimental to your goals. The reading material might mess with your head and cause you to say or do things that will make the person feel loved, understood, and supported.  You do NOT want that to happen.

I'm sure you've heard that phrase, ignorance is bliss. Right? But guess what else? Ignorance is POWER!!!!! 

Please note: This advice will work well towards anyone in your life—sister, brother, cousin, friend, neighbor, classmate, colleague, employee, etc.  But your chances of success will greatly increase if the person is traditionally supposed to rely on you for emotional support....such as mother, father, grandparent, best friend, spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend.

Good luck to you!