Tuesday, September 4, 2018

The Flowery Journal My Sister Gave Me (Part 13)

I'm getting back to doing my journal posts.

Note: The blue is what was printed in the journal.  The green is what I wrote (back in 1996, probably)

My best friend when I was a teenager was-Jennifer K maybe, but my best friends in high school were like acquaintances compared to the friends I had later in life.

I guess that's true. I was arguing with my past self...at first. But then I realized I was thinking of my friends the first semester of college. Those friendships were pretty shallow.  Later I had more substantial friendships.

The thing is, even with those friends, I have a hard time believing in the friendship because we no longer keep in touch.

When I no longer talk to a friend, I feel it's not just our present relationship that's diminished but the memory of it as well. This is especially the case in the 21st century where it would be SO incredibly easy to keep in touch if both of us cared enough and made the effort.

What I remember most about the time we spent together-I remember Jennifer K's mom insisting on kissing me goodnight which I thought was very strange. I remember going to movies with my friends. 

I vaguely remember the kissing thing. I think it made me uncomfortable.

I hope, in these times, that more and more adults are realizing it is NOT okay to pressure or force kids into affectionate/touchy moments.

What I learned from this friendship was-High school friendships are very hard when you can't drive.

This is what I learned from Jennifer?

I'm guessing I was thinking more about my social life in general.

Maybe I misread the question.

Or....maybe I couldn't think of anything to say about Jennifer, so I just went in another direction.

Other important friends in my life were-April M, Rachel E, Nancy K, Jean T.

Three of those friends were from the Cystic Fibrosis community and the other was a friend I met in Nashville after we moved my senior year.

As I look back on these friends, I think-Age doesn't matter in friendship. No, not that. Age does matter. But it is not necessary to have friends the same age as you. Especially when you hate the age where you are at.

I actually like that.

It still make sense to me.

It fits with what I wrote in the previous question. Because 3 of the 4 people listed were NOT teenagers. Two were kids, and one was an elderly woman.

I don't think I liked the teen years.

I once had this theory. I can't remember it exactly. But it was along the lines of each age group having a kind of culture. And no matter what age we are, there's an age group that best fits are personality.

So, even though I'm in my 40's...I think I still fit into a...probably tween age group.

And I'm not trying to say I'm immature.

I just like kid things.

I like going out for ice-cream.

I love candy.

I like stuffed animals.

I love Disney World.

It's stuff like that.

Then there might be a man in his sixties who likes going clubbing, flirting, drinking, etc.  He would fit best in the 20's age group.

There might be a 25-year-old man who hates clubbing.  He loves playing bingo and watching war documentaries. He'd probably fit best in a 70's age group.

So for the 25-year-old man, if he can't find friends close to his age, he can relate to, it might be better for him to find friends that are in their 70's.

That being said, I don't have any friends right now that are children.

I think my best friends at this point in my life are my two cats...besides my husband, teenage son, sisters, etc.

Are these friends still part of my life-Jennifer K is and April also. Nancy K is dead.

I didn't realize Nancy died that early. I also didn't realize I was still talking to April at this point. Though I think maybe I read it in my old diaries a few months back.  I remember being kind of surprised then too.  I guess my past self has to keep reminding my forgetful present self about certain things.

At this time of my life, in the family I was closet to-Melissa because there was and always be a bond between us.

I'm now equally close to my older sister Dawn. And yeah there will always be a bond between all of us.  Even when we're very mad at each other.

The first person I ever had a crush on was-Mike N.-first or second grade. He looked like Ricky Schroeder. 

I remember Mike, but I forgot the Ricky Schroeder resemblance thing.

The first person I ever fell in love with was-I don't know. I can't tell whether my past feelings were love or infatuation. I don't think what I felt for Mike was truly love. Maybe I loved David first or maybe it's Tim.

I might be wrong, but I THINK I was referring to Mike, my college boyfriend and not Mike my elementary school crush.

My first date was with-Carson.

What I remember most about Carson was being nervous about our upcoming first kiss and then later very much not enjoying that first kiss.