Tuesday, September 11, 2018

The Flowery Journal My Sister Gave Me (Part 15)

More journal stuff.

Note: The blue is what was printed in the diary. And the green is what I wrote (as in answered their questions).

At this time of my life, my greatest struggle was-with friendships. Or should I say lack of friendships?

Now I'm lacking in friendship and I don't feel I'm struggling. 

That being said, I have people in my life that I love and love me. So I'm not lonely.

If I had no family and no friends...and no cats.  I'd be lonely. I'd be struggling.

Looking back, what I now realize is-I can never have an intense social life. I'm just not a social person. That might be because I don't drink. I think I shall try drinking and see if it improves my social life. 

I don't think I tried very hard. I would take sips of things here and there. Then I do remember trying to drink a whole drink of something. Maybe I did finish it? But it didn't make me feel relaxed, exciting, joyful, inhibited, etc. I think it just made me feel gross. Maybe kind of like I had been mildly poisoned?

What influenced me during these years-The ouija board experience and Alex: the Life of a Child.

I wasn't sure what time period I was supposed to be talking about on this page.

I think this journal is kind of confusing.

But I'm guessing that, by what I wrote, it was my teen years.

The experience that taught me most-was Camp Wak-n-Hak.

That was the Cystic Fibrosis camp. It was a much more positive experience than the ouija board. BUT I think in the end the ouija board experience taught me more.

Important decisions I made-To volunteer for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. To eventually forgive Melissa for the ouija board.

The Cystic Fibrosis stuff ultimately led me to my family (Tim and Jack). So yeah. Pretty damn important.

I'm not sure if forgiving Melissa was that big of a thing. Because though I forgave her for that, she's pissed me off, through the years, for various other reasons.  BUT...I love her lots.

Learning from joy and pain-From pain I learned not to ever completely trust people. From joy, I learned to laugh. Shit, how fucking corny.

I imagine I was fed up with my own corniness, but even more so, the corniness of the journal.

I have a feeling (and vague memories to support it) that I was annoyed by the repetitiveness of the question.

Either they're asking the same thing repeatedly...in different ways. And/or the questions somehow led me to be repetitive  .