Friday, September 14, 2018

Two Different Brothers

There has been something bothering me lately. Well, it has bothered me for a long time, but right now my anger is more intense.

I want to talk about it, but feel unable, at this time, to talk about it in specifics.
So I'm going to use analogies.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Again these are analogies. The situation mentioned does not match my reality. Nor do the characters match my reality. This is all very symbolic.

So here are my two stories.


Annabelle is being abused by her boyfriend Alistair. He's very controlling and manipulative. He hasn't been violent yet, but has scared her with threats.

Annabelle keeps this a secret for some time. Then one day she tells her brother Aaron. He is immediately filled with anger on her behalf, and he's greatly concerned.

Aaron takes the time to listen to Annabelle, and with her reluctant blessing, goes to confront Alistair.  Though Aaron wants to rip Alistair's head off, he manages to react with measured sternness.

He tells Alistair to keep the hell away from his sister. He says if Alistair does anything more to hurt his sister, he will do what needs to be done.

After the confrontation, Aaron continues to be there for her sister by checking up on her and making sure she's okay.  He cares a lot and this is obvious to Annabelle.


Dorothy is being abused by her boyfriend Daniel. Daniel is very controlling and manipulative. He hasn't been violent yet but has scared her with threats.

Dorothy keeps this a secret for some time. Then one day she tells her brother Derek. Derek looks more bemused by what Dorothy says than concerned.  He barely seems to be even listening. At the end of the conversation, Derek says, Well, if you want me to kick Daniel's ass, you just give me the word. I'm great at kicking ass! He flexes his muscles.

Dorothy says no thanks. She'll handle it. Well, and maybe if it gets worse, she'll take her brother up on his offer. Though she definitely noticed that her brother completely lacked any real concern. So she's pretty sure she doesn't want his help. 

Dorothy goes back to being with her boyfriend. Derek never enquires about how things are going. It's as if he has completely forgotten what Dorothy told him.

Months later, the subject comes up again. Once again, instead of showing concern, Derek offers to kick Daniel's ass. He brags to Dorothy about how strong he is, because he works out. And he brags about how he has kicked other people's asses.

Dorothy realizes her brother doesn't give a crap about her. Her brother is simply using an opportunity to boast about his ass-kicking skills.  His being pleased with himself greatly outweighs his concern for his sister's well-being.

And that's the end of my analogy.  I hope when future Dina ends up reading this post, she knows what the hell past Dina was talking about!!!

Edited to add 8/23/19-I feel a bit more secure now about being direct, so here we go: The abusive boyfriend represents my neurological symptoms. They haven't caused any harm to me yet, but there is a chance they could get worse in the future. A LOT worse. But who knows...

Aaron represents the type of father I wish I had. He would be someone who is truly concerned for me. He would express this concern in a way that made it easy for me to go to him when I had problems. He would fight for me but not in a way that was overbearing. He would make me feel stronger and safe rather than small and weak.

Derek represents the father I have and how he has acted towards my neurological symptoms. The concern seems lacking and/or fake. The flexing of the muscles is about his wealth and connections in the medical industry.  It's like he's saying,  I'm not really worried about you, but if YOU are worried about you, just say the word and I can use my awesome hard-earned connections.