There Often is No Hate

I'm beginning to understand why there is all this fighting between the left and right about whether someone or something is racist or not.

It seems we define it completely differently.

This was brought to my attention with a recent Instagram post. Well, the post didn't bring it to my attention but the comments did. 

The post read:

Let's be clear. 

You can be friends with a person of color and still be racist.

You can hire a person of color and still be racist.

You can be married to a person of color and still be racist.

You can give birth to a bi-racial child and still be racist.

For me, this all makes perfect sense.

For a lot of the commenters, it was hilariously ridiculous.

Why?

Because it seems they define racism as hating people of a different group.

So, if you have Black friends, how in the world could you be racist? Do you hate your friends?

And you hate your own spouse and child?  How silly is that?!

I think these commenters were imagining this world where the left was paranoid that all these people were befriending, hiring, marrying, and birthing people that they hate. I guess for...some nefarious reason?  

But no. 

I think most of us on the left define racism very differently.  It's usually not about hate. It's ignorance—either accidental or willful. It's about turning a blind eye to the struggles, achievements, and triumphs of a certain group. It's about fear. It's about having beliefs that the more similar someone is to those in the dominant group, the better they are. (ie: she's very pretty. She looks almost white!) 

And all this can apply to other types of prejudice as well—sexism, antisemitism, homophobia, ableism, etc.  

Let's take sexism.

Our family had a texting conversation a year or so ago.  My nieces were asked to dress up as underrated historical figures. My sister asked for suggestions.

My dad jumped in with several ideas.  

Now my dad does not hate women.  He loves his wife. He has three daughters and loves them (or at least two of them). He loves his two sisters. He loves his granddaughters. He's quite close to one of his nieces and loves the others as well. He has had female friends and coworkers that he loves....or at least likes.  

But the names of historical figures that my dad texted?

They were all men!

Within my definition of sexism, this is sexist.  Despite having all these adored women in his life, he was, at least temporarily, turning a blind eye to the fact that women have achieved a lot and are also often very underrated.  

Now this doesn't mean my dad always or often turns a blind eye to the struggles and achievements of women.  But at least...sometimes he does.  

There are different degrees of sexism, racism, etc.

Sometimes it DOES involve actual, obvious hate.  

Other times, it's doing things like my dad did.

Some people often do stuff like that. Some people do it occasionally. And some do it rarely.

Some are aware that they are doing it and think it's fine....since it doesn't involve actual hatred. Some are not aware that they're doing it, and if you pointed it out, they'd get defensive. Then others do or think the wrong thing, realize they have made a mistake, feel guilty about it, and continuously try to better themselves.

There was a day on Twitter when women's heart disease was trending. It was a planned movement to bring attention to the fact that women DO have heart attacks but that their symptoms differ from men and that women's heart problems are often ignored.  

A man complained about this. He saw it as discrimination. There should not be a day specifically for women. This is unfair!  

But did this man ever complain throughout the decades and centuries of women's heart health being ignored?  Did he ever speak up about that?

The people who complain about Black Lives Matter?  How many of them spoke/speak out when the underlying message was/is  that black lives DON'T matter or that black lives matter less than white lives?  

It's like the narcissist who mistreats someone for years or decades and see no problem with it. Then when their victim speaks out against the way that they're treated, the narcissist cries out that they are the ones being abused.  

People will ignore discrimination until the discriminated group starts fighting back against the discrimination. Then the dominant group cries out that they are the ones facing discrimination.  

Anyway....

I'm wondering.

If the left and right could better understand the differing definitions of racism, sexism, and all that; could we communicate better?  Would we understand each other more? Would we get along better?

I kind of doubt it. 

Well, I feel if people so easily turn a blind eye to the struggles and achievements of women, people of color, the LGBTQ community, etc; then it will also be easy for them to turn a blind eye to the whole different-definition thing.

I believe some of them purposely cling to the hate-definition, because then they can halt the conversation, point to the left and say things like, You call everyone racist who disagrees with you! 

If racism is about strong, obvious hatred...there's no need to worry about what's in our own hearts. There's no need to try to better ourselves. And I think that is going to slow down progress.   

Read my novel: The Dead are Online