To Be Noticed or Not

Sometimes I want more people to read my blog.

Sometimes I wish for my novels to be read.

Sometimes I have fantasies that my novels or screenplays are discovered by the kind of people who could and would turn them into TV shows.

Sometimes I wish to be famous.

Or at least thirty percent less invisible.

Often I wish it wasn’t true that 90 percent of hits to my blog were coming from a bot and that most of the humans who do visit are leaving after reading one or two sentences.  

Sometimes I find solace in the fantasy of my writing being finally-appreciated by future people.  Like after I’m dead.  

Other times…. 

I lose all the wishing and wanting

And feel dreadfully embarrassed at the thought of being noticed.  

Like being naked in a dream.

* * *

I wonder if it’s that great to be noticed.  

For people who like parties and other social activities… Yes.  It's probably very worth it.

But for people who don’t like parties, is it worth it? 

Would the stress and extra work make the validation worth it?

Yes!  Very much so!

No.  Definitely not! 

Yes and No….(depending on the day)

* * *

The nice thing is....I don’t need to decide which answer is my answer.  

I can remain undecided.  

I can go back and forth.

Because whether or not my writing gets the attention I want

Or NOT want 

Is out of my control.

Whatever will be will be.

I just need to keep writing if and when I feel the desire.

* * *

After the last few hours of angst, I can’t easily imagine wanting to write more.

I think I’d rather put more energy into my special interest…which is super important to me. 

But who knows how I’ll feel next year. 

Tomorrow I might wake up as the me who’s excited about writing and hoping to be more-noticed.

* * *

Happy New Years to those who celebrate it.

Blogging

 Sometimes I write posts that make me want to quit blogging or at least take a super long hiatus.

But then I’m like, Shit. I don’t want that last post to be my last post.

Blocked

I had a thing happen yesterday.

I was looking at a wide variety of Instagram profiles for a reason I might one day write a post about....

I looked up the profile of a celebrity I'm a fan of and saw that his Instagram was gone.

My busy brain found that interesting for about three seconds and then moved onto other things.

Until a short time later when my phone was charging, and I was doing my laptop stuff.

I started to worry.

What if he hadn't deleted his Instagram account?

What if he had blocked me?

I Googled his name along with Instagram.  His account was still there.  

Since I'm not signed into Instagram on my laptop.....

Here it was.

What I had feared.

He had blocked my account.  

* * *

I went on doing my laptop stuff...or trying to.

Trying to concentrate while trying to figure out what to do about this.

I would need to carve him out of my life.  Right?

Probably yes.

I'm not good at separating the art from the artist.  I'm really not.

This was going to be quite a challenge, though.

With the last two celebrities I wrote about, it was less of a challenge.  

With one, his acting career didn't play a huge part in my life.  He's been on one show important to me, but he probably won't be on anymore.  I loved one song of his, but I'm not too emotionally attached.  Plus, with songs, I tend to listen to them a lot for a particular section of time; then I rarely if ever listen to them again.  

With the other celebrity, I loved him on one show, but the show is over.  It's pretty easy to move on.

BUT with the celebrity of yesterday's drama.  His role in my life is much more pervasive.  I had a LOT of his music on my 2024 playlist.  His TV show is one of my favorites.  I even subscribe to a fan-created YouTube account.

I think, at this point, my mind was working a strategic plan of erasure while feeling a mix of mild shock, anger, and hurt.

While also wondering about the WHY of it all.

I suspected it was an anti-Zionist thing...

OR he had searched for his name and found my blog...and was frightened by my weirdness.  

I started having an Inside Out scenario in my head...with Sadness telling me it was okay to feel sad about this and don't do that thing of bottling up your feelings. And Joy was whispering something like, If he came to your blog...isn't that kind of cool?  You were noticed!

Well...

Anyway....

I'm not sure why.

I don't know what type of Inside Out character jumped in here next.  But something suggested that I should maybe recheck the blocked thing. Maybe I had just typed in the wrong name. Or Instagram search had been a bit wonky.

So when I was back with my phone, I searched on Instagram and saw that I was NOT blocked by this celebrity.

That was quite a relief.

* * *

I also saw I was not following this celebrity despite being a fan.

I considered following but then decided not to.

Why?

Not sure.

I'm weird about following celebrities on Instagram.

Sometimes I follow my favorites. 

Often I don't.

After what-didn't-actually-happen yesterday....I'm thinking I should lean into not-following-favorites.

* * *

I've been sitting here for about 30 minutes trying to come up with a conclusion to this post that's honest but doesn't make me sound pathetic or shitty.

Something along the lines of avoiding the artist as much as possible, so I can be safe in enjoying the art.

This makes me sound shitty, though...as if I'm bound to be disappointed and disillusioned by the artist's life and/or personality.  It makes me sound and feel very intolerant.

Then, to my relief, I realized none of this is true.

Months ago, I listened to a long interview with the didn't-block-me-celebrity on a podcast.  The interview made me like him more. Not less.

I realized it's not about the person behind the Instagram account...whether famous or not.

I just tend not to like what people show of themselves on Instagram.  Or how they show themselves.

Shit. It's hard to explain.

I'm going to stop trying.

I need to pee. 

* * *

This post would probably be more entertaining if I named the celebrity.

But I'm paranoid he WILL someday Google himself and end up here...and then the whole blocking-thing could become reality.

* * *

I am reminding myself that if I don't search for a celebrity on Instagram, I won't have to ever see that they have blocked me.  Or mistakingly believe they've blocked me.

Or see that they hate Zionists.

But curiosity often gets the best of me.

Or the hope for reassurance or a happy surprise.

I once looked up a singer before adding her song to my 2024 playlist. I wanted to make sure she didn't hate Jews.

It turned out she was Israeli...AND Australian. And not only that. She wasn't one of the many Jewish celebrities keeping quiet about October 7.  

* * *

I still haven't peed.

And another thirty minutes have passed.

* * *

I also try to avoid but sometimes fail to avoid the temptation of commenting on celebrity social media accounts.

It's that embarrassing desire to be noticed and liked.

Or the urge to speak out about something.

OR worse...a combination of the above two.

Let-me-be-brave-enough-to-disagree-with-you-or-question-you-while-also-hoping-this-makes-you-notice-me-and-like-me.

* * *

I'm thinking....

It's probably actually not that horrible or weird to reach out hoping to be noticed.

It's probably quite common....

What's probably less normal and less healthy is my fear of disappointment with the response or lack of response...and worry that the disappointment will make me lose love for the artist and then lose love for the art.

And I hate losing the art.

The art is so important to me.  

* * *

Realizing....

This is not just a celebrity thing.

But a people in general thing.

And the reason why I tend to prefer spending my time with content (books, TV shows, songs, movies, podcasts, blogs) over social interactions.

* * *

I thought this was going to be a short funny post, turning a few moments of inner turmoil into something positive.

But instead it's been a shitty hour...

Over an hour 

With me facing all my angst.

And worse.

Sharing it with the world.

* * *

I hate blogging sometimes.

 

 

Tim Cook's Cover of Ball Park Music's Surrender

I just rewatched one of my favorite YouTube cover performances.

It's from Tim Cook Music, so I'm guessing the singer's name is Tim Cook.

I looked and saw that I have already commented twice on his video.  Six years ago and then one year ago.

Looking at Tim and friend....

If I hadn't seen photos of Holly and Matthew from the Weird Crap in Australia podcast, I could kind of picture them looking like this.  

* * *

I am guessing I've written about this cover on my blog before. I tried to search "Tim Cook" "Cover of" and "Surrender" and haven't easily found anything.  A lot of posts come up.  I tried to wade through a few and gave up.

* * *

Tim Cook has a link to the account of his singing partner.

I was quite disappointed to see that Eleanor Arthurson doesn't have any videos.

Her account is pretty much blank.

* * *

I tried...for a few minutes

to find anything about what Tim Cook and Eleanor Arthurson are up to these days.

I came up empty.  Except for a Linkedin page.  

Eleanor Arthurson might be doing law stuff these days.  

* * *

If Arthurson and Cook are alive and relatively okay....I hope they get back to doing music.  If they're not already doing so.  

Unless making music makes them unhappy, of course.   

* * *

Maybe Cook and/or Arthurson are still singing...but under a different name?

If they were, it would be helpful if they added a link to all that on their YouTube channels.

 

Ways I Felt Othered by Shrinking

I loved Shrinking.

It made me cry.

I'm sad I have to wait until 2026 to see season 3.

I'm very impressed by Lukita Maxwell's acting. I don't know why.There's lots of good acting on the show. I don't know what it is about her acting that stands out to me. I wish I had the expertise to help me understand and explain why some acting seems good to me and some acting seems awful to me.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about here.

The thing is, though I loved the show...there were times that I felt a twinge of...ouch.

I felt the show was laughing AT people like me and not in a good way. Kind of more like in an eew-we-don't-like-this-kind-of-person-can-we-all-agree-they-kind-of-suck.

And it might be that they had jokes targeting other traits that don't apply to me, and I laughed along not considering that, for these types of people, it might have caused a twinge of ouch.

Anyway, here's my list:

1. People with OCD contamination.  I felt the show was similar to the Aussie movie Mental in which mental health issues are portrayed in a  fairly sympathetic way...but OCD is an exception.  

I don't think Shrinking was as bad as Mental...from what I can remember of Mental.

But I still felt that Jimmy (Jason Siegel) was less patient and kind towards Wally (Kimberly Condict) than he was to his other patients.  That COULD be blamed on other things going on in the story; Jimmy's mood, etc.

Or it could be me being hyper-sensitive.

I'm not sure.

I would be curious to know what other people with OCD felt about the portrayal?  And for people who don't have OCD, did they come away from the show feeling more sympathetic, less sympathetic...neutral?  

2. Disney Adults.  I forgot the context.  But I didn't feel they were laughing with my kind...or at my kind in a sweet-teasing-kind of way. I felt othered.

3. Parents who don't want to do sleep training.  

Opal Kangaroo

I believe in signs.

By this, I mean I LIKE to believe in signs and try my best to indulge this aspect of my brain.

I don't necessarily have a huge amount of faith in signs.

Anyway...today I got home from the dentist (ugh) and as I was getting back into my comfy inside clothes I found my tiny little kangaroo opal pendant sitting alone on the shelf.  I'm not sure the last time I saw it or thought of it.  

I thought of asking Tim if he had placed it there.  But then I decided it wouldn't matter.  Because even if he had found it somewhere and placed it on the shelf...couldn't it still be meaningful that it crossed his path like that?

Of course, there could be a very scientific and reasonable explanation for all this.  And I'm going to ignore it. 

Actually....I just remembered.  I had a dream pertaining to this the other day.

I dreamed about bees in our house. I think in a wall?  And I believed it to be connected to some kind of ghost/haunting thing. Tim or someone else was trying to tell me there was likely a scientific cause such as bees building a bees nest near the wall. And I replied something along the lines of that even if there is something natural going on, supernatural thingies can still be part of the cause.

A supernatural event need not be purely supernatural.  It wouldn't need to be magic bees that magically manifested within our walls.  It could be invisible demons or angry ancestors whispering to the bees and encouraging them to build within our walls.

Let's say one of our cats jumped up on the closet shelf and messed with my jewelry somehow.  Quite natural.  But the Powers that Be or other supernatural thingies could have somehow influenced the cat.

Two Things that Made Me Cry this Week

I almost-cry a lot.  As in teary eyes, choked up, and can't easily talk.

I cry-cry not so often and usually because someone pushed me to talk when I was almost-crying.

I rarely almost-cry or cry-cry about world news events or personal drama.

If I'm almost-crying or crying-crying, it's usually because of a TV show, movie, or a song.  And if it's a song, it's quite likely that it's a song from a TV show or movie.

Now onto two things that made me cry this week.

1. Shrinking, specifically the storyline surrounding Louis (Brett Goldstein).  

2. The various videos and scenes surrounding Helen Worth leaving Coronation Street.

My Dream Friend

My dream/fantasy friend right now is a person who is fluent or close to fluent in Māori and available for me to text them day and night with questions.

My texts would mostly be about whether things are in the A or O category.  

And another question would be...

Well, a lot of my practice consists of me talking to myself or the cats  Since I don't have anyone else to practice with. Anywhere...much less inside my house.

One thing I do sometimes is talk to our TV photo frames...point out things on the screen.

So for that, I'm not sure if I should say:

He manu tēnei.  (This is a bird)

OR

He manu tēnā (That near you is a bird)

He manu tērā (That over there, not next to you, is a bird).

It might be less of a language question and more of an existential question of my relationship to the TV screen.

* * *

Thinking more about it....

The question would still exist if I was NOT talking to myself.

If someone else is in the room....

Well, I probably wouldn't say "This".

I would say "That".

But the bird would neither be near the other person nor away.

* * *

Maybe it would depend on how close the other person is to the TV?

* * *

Back to talking to myself:

I could probably go back and forth between tērā and tēnā depending on whether I want to pretend I'm talking to an entity in the room...about what we're both seeing on the screen OR if I want to pretend the TV is a person that I'm talking to.  

* * *

Back to my fantasy-friend:

I want to clarify that I wouldn't expect this person to be at my beck and call.  They wouldn't need to have 24 hour availability.

But it would be the type of super comfortable friendship where I know they silence their phone at night, and I can text them without worrying I'm bothering them.  And they would answer me when they have the chance.  

* * *

This fantasy would never become reality.

I would never stop worrying that I'm being a pest.  

Super Comfortable Friendship is a concept that doesn't fit into my existence.  

 

A Moment on Ōpaki Made Me Sad

I had a moment or two of despair as I was watching Ōpaki today.

Pānia Papa was teaching the three guests te reo Māori surrounding drink etiquette.

I think the key lesson, though, was the use of the word rānei...which is the Māori version of "or".

It's put at the end of the sentence instead of the middle.

So...I think it goes something like....

He ti, he kawhe...rānei.

I have a lot to learn still.

I've kind of made a rule that I won't write Māori things unless I know them...(vs just sticking things into Google translate) But I'm grudgingly allowing myself to look up spelling/macrons or check Google Translate to see if they think I'm right or wrong.  Because I do that with English.  I mean not the translating, but I do often have to check spelling.

(And there's also the very helpful online Māori dictionary!)

Anyway...let me get to my point.

The Ōpaki household worked on coffee vs tea; then later also added Milo to the mix.  And something else? I forget what.

They also did kākāriki tea(Green tea) vs some other tea?  Gumboot?  I don't know if that's another name for Black Tea. Or some weird Down Under kind of thing.

Googled.  

It seems to be a specific New Zealand thing.  And it's Black Tea.

IS New Zealand referred to as Down Under???

There was a poster on Flight of the Conchords, but maybe it's only a Flight of the Conchords thing.

I will look into this later.

Back to Ōpaki.

They did huka.  Sugar.

And more rānei work, because there was two types of sugars: huka mā and huka māori.  

Māori isn't just the name of a people but also a descriptor word meaning things like normal, fresh, natural...And in the huka case: raw.

Both guests chose huka mā vs huka māori.

Back up....

I should mention there are three guests.  And one guest was assigned the responsibility of doing the asking/offering/serving to the other two.  

Both of the being-served guests asked for tahi (one) sugar.  

Then they did miraka which is milk.  

More rānei learning. Because they had cow milk and almond milk.

And finally I get to the point that made me sad.

They asked one of the guests what milk they wanted but then skipped over the other guest.

I think it might have been because the first guest made a few mistakes with answering. So they all might have gotten sidetracked.  

Or it could have just been time for the break/transition and off camera they offered the milk choice.

But I had a depressing hyper-empathy moment where I imagined being in the situation. 

I imagined being in a hyper-sensitive mood and feeling very ignored or forgotten.

And I might have spiraled and thought about how I don't deserve milk. And it's not these people here thinking I don't deserve milk. It's very often that all the people feel I don't deserve what other people deserve.

(I should note for accuracy-sake, I don't put milk in my coffee or tea)

I might sit there with tears in my eyes hoping that no one notices and no one asks me what's wrong.  Because if they ask me, I'll start crying-crying.

Hopefully, the guests on Ōpaki are more emotionally stable than me.

* * *

I'm not hyper-sensitive all the time.

Hopefully I'm not even that way most of the time.

It's also probably more of a straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back thing. (I wonder what the Māori say for that sentiment).

If I was having a good day, so far, I'd probably not be bothered that they forgot to offer me miraka.

BUT...later if something else negative happened. Like they looked tense with all the language mistakes I was making, I'd probably think back to the miraka and have a self-esteem spiral.

That being said, so far, Pānia Papa has never looked annoyed at anyone's mistakes. She is a very patient and fun teacher.  

And as a viewer of the show, guest-mistakes are probably the most valuable moments because then things are repeated, slowed down, etc.  

It Went Through My Soul

There's that scene in Poltergeist where Diane (Jobeth Williams) feels the spirit of Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke) flow through our soul.

I feel this is the best way to attempt to describe the nostalgic memory sensations I suddenly get.

It's like I'm remembering not the who, what, where but instead just the feeling I felt way back then.

Today it happened when looking at photos of our 2013 trip to Australia.

I rarely have a desire to return to Australia...especially when my Instagram feed tends to feed me posts about Australia being antisemitic. Or posts from Zionists who I'm pretty sure used to be progressive/Labor and now are Trumping.

But anyway....

I suddenly had this wave of feeling...the excitement and joy of being in Australia; the love we had for our friends; the idea we might be friends for life.

The wave is gone now.  It was gone before I even started writing this post.

It was nice while it lasted...but at the same time...sad. 

The Terrorist Attack in Germany

Yes, I was surprised this morning to learn that the Saudi suspect in the horrific and tragic Christmas market terrorist act was a far-right, ANTI-Islam terrorist rather than a terrorist on Team Globalize-the-Intifada.

I would have been much less surprised if he was a white far-right terrorist or if he was a Saudi Globalizing the Intifada.

I was surprised but not overly surprised.

Because I'm seeing more and more when it comes to world drama, people don't fit nicely into little boxes.

For example....

There are vocal Jewish anti-Zionists.

There are vocal Muslim/Arab Zionists.

There was a debate at Oxford in November where people voted on whether Israel is doing apartheid and genocide.

Two of the people arguing against Israel were Jewish.

Two of the people arguing for Israel were Arab.

Sample quote from one of the Jews: "What happened on October 7th was not terrorism — these were acts of heroism of a people who were oppressed".

Sample quote from one of the Arabs: "Palestinians are the most pathetic people on planet Earth".

Watching Lyric Videos on YouTube

I watched Māori singing videos with lyrics and then felt really blah. Kind of depressed.

I feel better now, because I did a tiny bit of soul-searching and figured out why it got me down. 

The reason?

After all my studying the past few month, I only knew a few words of the songs. 

And there was a word I thought I didn’t know, because it had a macron, and I didn’t think was supposed to have a macron.  

How can I succeed in this if I can’t remember which basic words have macrons?

So I’ve decided to quit and instead take up taxidermy.  Because we have so many backyard animals. And also a lot of family pets that are going to die someday.  

I’m joking.

I felt better once I realized why I was feeling blah.

I’m going to keep studying and keep hoping that someday I will watch a Māori lyric video and know the meaning of most of the words.  

I can’t control how well my brain works with language learning. But I do have control over how much time I put into learning and how much effort.

There are things I wish for that I have no control over…like people reading my writing and liking it. And peace and prosperity in countries now at war. And Donald Trump’s presidency turning out much less horrific than a lot of us fear…

It’s nice to have a wish and hobby that’s mostly dependent only on my own desire to keep working at it.  

A Wonderful Database

I follow a lot of wonderful Zionists on Instagram, including: 

Hen Mazzig 

A Wider Bridge

Amy Alberston 

Neurotic Jewish Gay

Roots Metals 

Zionness 

Matthew Nouriel 

Biggah 

But lately my favorite Zionist source is actually an anti-Zionist set of accounts. Whoever is running them has accounts for Zionists in film, Zionists in music, Zionist authors, Zionists in KPop, Zionists in Sports, Zionists in Winnipeg….

It’s very well put together; providing a list of projects from each celebrity I can support and visual aids/documentation of the Zionist’s Zionism.  

In the film account, they even have highlights divided by themes: Marvel, DC, Wicked…..

It’s brilliant.

It’s a great place to visit when I’m feeling isolated or overwhelmed by antisemitism.

Or when I learn the singer of one of my favorite songs hates Israel.

Or when I remember my favorite character on a TV show is played by an obsessive antisemite.  

Note: I’ve not had much use for the Winnipeg one yet.  But maybe someday they’ll do one for Texas?  That might be nice to have.  

Dear Generous and Tolerant Person

Dear Generous and Tolerant Person,

I don't need you to reluctantly stay friends with me or reluctantly keep a connection to me despite my Zionism.

Because...on balance, there are plenty of people out there who would like me FOR my Zionism.

And there are plenty of people who don't mind Zionism and wouldn't feel ashamed of or nervous about being associated with me.  

I'm crying my eyes out as I write this.

Just kidding.

I feel barely anything minus the sense that the less time I have to spend on conversing with people, the more time I have to engage in my special interests.

I do have low self-esteem and rejection issues.  But you disliking me because I'm Zionist?  That only makes me think less of you. NOT of me.  

Deleted a Song From My Playlist

Today I found out another performer I like is very anti-Israel.

I wasn't as fond as him as the other guy I wrote about recently.  So I'm less upset.

This one is known more for his acting than his singing.  But it turns out, I liked his songs and one particular song was on my playlist.  I won't be listening to it anymore.

As I've said before, I'm very much into personal-cancelling of people.

In my life, he is VERY canceled.

But there are enough people who hates Jews and Israel out there...that I expect him to easily find work with that audience...and audiences with people who are unaware or it's just a shrug-the-shoulders level of interest for them.  

I only once have campaigned against someone, and that's because their antisemitism was at a very very vulgar and violent-rhetoric level....like Westboro Baptist Church level.  And also, because I had a personal encounter with their hatred; then was shocked to see they had an actual composter credit on IMDb...with a pretty prestigious production company.  

I wrote a message to the production company and commented on an old post about the film.

My idea/hope was that this production company hired this person way before their antisemitism was on display and that they wouldn't want to hire them again. But who knows.

The person had only one credit to their name, and it would be hard to know if their film career died because of their very vocal, vulgar, and obsessive antisemitism or because that's just sometimes what happens to someone in the business.  Not everyone on IMDb end up with a long list of credits.

I would hope that most/all reputable filmmakers and companies would want to avoid working with this person.  I would hope the same for any Zionist who was hateful at that level...at that persistence.  

 

A Treat For Zombies

 While outside doing gardening, I had a very weird style of runny nose that led me to Googling, “Can brain fluid leak out of your nose?”

Anytime I have a weird symptom now, my brain jumps to: Does one of the antisemites out there have magical witch powers?  Am I being cursed?

It would be fair, because I keep hoping I have powers.  I mean not just passive hoping but actually taking action.  

With my mind.

So if you happen to have a nightmare that made you start to doubt your stance that hating-Israel-is-not-antisemitism….

Well, you’re welcome.

That was me.

Probably.

Legion: What I Liked and Disliked

 Things I liked about Legion:

1. Lennie (Aubrey Plaza)-Though I was confused and ended up being wrong about the nature of her character.

2. David (Dan Stevens).  I liked the character and the performance.  I like stories that explore interactions between the supernatural and mental health.

3. The Shadow King (Navid Negahban).  I once saw or read this thing about how the character spoke in different languages, but it wasn't random.  The choice of language corresponded with the mood/content.

4. That it led me down a Jemaine Clement rabbit whole...which really has been a long and winding path.  

5. The sushi conveyor belt restaurant...but it's not sushi.  It's breakfast.  That was awesome.  

Actually, was it a conveyer belt?  Or was it a boat thing?  Either way.  Fantastic.  

6. The cover songs by Noah Hawley and Jeff Russo. I don't think I've ever known of a show's creator to do the singing for a show.  I think it's pretty cool.  My favorite song is probably "Behind Blue Eyes", though the other day I was walking around the house singing "I am Superman".  I only knew that one line, so I was being quite repetitive.  

There were also a few days where I was into "Change the World".

And I love Rachel Keller's cover of "Road to Nowhere".

I pretty much love most of the songs, really.  

Things I did not like about Legion:

1. I was a little too confused at times.

2. The child-rape entrapment storyline. I was horrified by this and almost quit watching.  I'm actually not sure why we continued.  Maybe curiosity?  Or a hope that things would be eventually resolved in a way that made me feel less horrified.

3. The erasure of the Jewishness of the Holocaust.  

If I had watched Legion before I saw the antisemitic comments on the Instagram post about the Jewishness of Marvel being diminished, I would have probably felt slightly stung but mostly okay.  Because back then I was very much into the idea that lessons of the Holocaust should expand beyond antisemitism*

If I had watched Legion before October 7, I would have been annoyed...maybe a little angry.

Because we had watched Legion after October 7 and during the time that being-antisemitic was rising in popularity, I was disgusted and sad.

To be fair, Legion was made way before October 7. So I don't blame the creators. I'm sure there are things I've said and done before October 7 that haven't aged well.  I hope, though, that if given the opportunity, the creators will make better choices in the future.  Even better...I hope the creators will create the opportunities.

I do wonder if they made David's mother a Gypsy victim of the Holocaust, because they didn't want a storyline involving a Muslim/Arab abusing a Jew.  

Well...I just Googled to see if my anger was unfair and unwarranted.  And now I'm even more angry.

I was thinking maybe David's mother was a Gypsy in the comics and Noah Hawley was simply sticking to the source material.

But no.

According to this Marvel fansite, not only is Gabrielle Haller a Holocaust survivor, but she was also the ambassador of Israel to the UK.

There really IS a lot of Jewishness in the Marvel universe.

Shit.  I'm mad.

Here I've been the last few weeks wondering how Disney can help make things better for Jews by making a Jewish princess....or the equivalent.  

Something from the Torah?  Probably not.

Something like Turning Red but a Jewish story?  Maybe.

A Golem story?  Maybe.  And fun to imagine how it will trigger antisemitic Minecrafters. 

Something futuristic like Big Hero Six taking place in a peaceful Israel/Palestine with a mix of Palestinian and Jewish characters?  Yeah. That would be cool. 

But now I'm really seeing how Disney has done the opposite.

They've taken very Jewish stories and diminished the Jewishness.

It's so ugly.

But they did all this before October 7 and before being-antisemitic rose so steeply in popularity.

Now Disney is torn in two different directions.  1. Do anything remotely Zionist-friendly and be the target of hatred and boycotts  2. Continue to play erase-the-Jews and piss off people like me.

There are ways, though, to piss off only the extremists on both sides and make reasonable people on both sides fairly happy.  

EDITED TO ADD:  suddenly remembered, while listening to an advertisement for a comic book store, that Disney didn’t produce Legion. So, I can be less disgruntled with them. At least for that particular case of Jewish erasure/minimization.

EDITED TO ADD (a few minutes later). Or IS Disney partly responsible?  IMDb lists Marvel Entertainment and Marvel Television as some of the production companies?  Were they fully owned by Disney in 2017? 

It’s quite confusing.  Disney acquired FX before season 3 of  Legion. So can I blame them for stuff in season 3?  I can’t remember if the Holocaust stuff happened in season 2 or 3. 

*One day hopefully I will return to believing that Holocaust-teachings should expand beyond antisemitism.  But, at this time; in this environment, I can't be that person.  

Biden is a Zionist

This morning, I listened to the Chanukah celebration at the White House.

I thought it was lovely.

I think it’s quite a shame that Doug Emhoff isn’t going to be our first First Gentleman and our first Jewish First Gentleman.

Biden did a speech in which he didn’t sound at all like a guy who used to be a Zionist -until-he-visited-a-bookstore -on-Thanksgiving-weekend-and-came-out-holding-an anti-Israel book. 

In his Chanukah speech, Biden once again proclaimed to be a Zionist.

So maybe the book was thrust at him in the bookstore, and he walked out, holding it, not realizing it was anti-Israel.

OR

Maybe he hasn’t read it yet.  Maybe he’s saving it for retirement, and after he’s out of the White House, he’ll walk around New England wearing a Keffiyeh and water melon t-shirts.  

OR

Maybe he did read the book… or some of it. And maybe it’s the type of book that is only brilliant to people who are already antisemitic… whether that antisemitism is fueled more by hatred or ignorance.  

Has the book De-Zionized anyone?  

Has it Zionized anyone… like you know, people on the fence who are oppositional?  

Dear Dina From 2005

Dear Past Self:

When you are writing down your dreams on Livejournal, please write the last names of the minor characters.  

Or put a footnote explaining who these people are.

Because your future self of 2024 has no idea who Dominique is.  

And there have been other names as well that are now just a mystery.

Things I watched in 2024

Here's my yearly list of what I watched during the year, divided by the show/movie's main geographical settings (not filming location)

If interested, here's my lists for 2017, 2020, 2021, and 2022, and 2023.

I somewhat struggle to decide what should be included or not included.

For now, what's not included is CSPAN, Instagram/Tik Tok...and YouTube videos, except for short films and maybe a web series.  Sorry. I'm probably being unfair and inconsistent.  

Note: I'm probably going to avoid my usual thing of writing little comments next to the listed shows and movies. Instead, if I have the urge to say things, I will put them in separate posts.  

Another Note: Some things are unfinished, either because I'm watching only a season at a time; or I/we didn't like it.  

And another Note: I will probably be adding things in the next few weeks. 

ALGERIA

Outside the Law 

AUSTRALIA

Neighbours

All Saints 

The Nightingale 

"Beggars Belief" 

"Apricot"

Bluey

THE BAHAMAS

Our Flag Means Death 

CHINA

The Meg 

DENMARK

A Fortunate Man

The Only Way 

FRANCE

"La Chienne Francaise"

The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon

The Olympics 

GREECE

Mama Mia Here We Go Again 

ISRAEL

World War Z

The Women's Balcony

ITALY

A Discovery of Witches  

KOSOVO

"Shok"

NEW ZEALAND

What We Do in the Shadows (rewatch) 

Wellington Paranormal 

"Two Cars, One Night"  

The Watercooler (a couple of episodes)

Fresh Meat 

Ōpaki 

SOUTH KOREA

M*A*S*H

Crash Landing on You

Squid Game 

SPAIN

Cobra Kai 

UNITED KINGDOM 

Coronation Street 

Yesterday 

Our Flag Means Death 

"The Stutterer"

"Happier Alone"

Stath Lets Flats 

Toast of London  

The Cleaner 

Hannah Wanningham: Home for Christmas

Heartstopper

Time Bandits 

A Discovery of Witches 

UNITED STATES

The Other Two

Party Down

The Curse

The Holdovers 

Based on a True Story

Fargo 

Legion

Charmed 

Flight of the Conchords 

Dream Scenario

What We Do in the Shadows 

Musica

Licorice Pizza

"Green"

"Aunt Tigress"

"Man's Best Friend"

"Let's Eat"  

"Headcase"  

The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead: Dead City

The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon 

Broad City 

Late Night with the Devil

Chance

Fallout 

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story 

The Bear

Beverly Hills Cop Axel F  

V

V The Final Battle 

Cobra Kai 

Abigail 

Lessons in Chemistry  

Sharknado  

World War Z

Deadpool

Deadpool 2

Fear the Walking Dead

Once Upon a Time 

A Quiet Place

A Quiet Place II

A Quiet Place Day 1

Civil War

Inside Out 2 

American Born Chinese 

St. Elsewhere 

Only Murders in the Building 

Agatha All Along 

Severance (rewatch)

Shrinking

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 

Fly Me to The Moon

Dream Productions 

LOCATION UNKNOWN

The 100 (Somewhere on Earth but not sure where)

Ducktales (It might be known to others. But I forget) 

Silo 

THE OCEAN

Our Flag Means Death

The Meg 

MYSTICAL PLACE

Once Upon a Time 

From 

Inside Out

Dream Productions

MULTIPLE LOCATIONS 

Frodo is Great...Who is That??!

Time Bandits 

Today's Song Obsession: Six Months in a Leaky Boat

I might start doing a lot of posts like this.

On some days, a song pops into my head, and I want to listen to it repeatedly or many times throughout the day.

Yesterday, it was very much: Stan Walker's "Find You".

Today I have "Six Months in a Leaky Boat" in my head.

It's by Split Enz, which I only learned of fairly recently.  They are Crowded House pre-Crowded House.

Like most American Gen Xers I have definitely heard of Crowded House.  Though as an American who was obsessed with Australia, I might have known of more Crowded House songs than the average Gen Xer.

I digress, though.  

That being said, I'm not sure I have anything actually to say about "Six Months in a Leaky Boat".

You know what.  Maybe what I'll do for these posts is watch a video or two.  Because I usually don't watch the videos.

Here's the official video of the original 1982 song.

It has a long introduction, over a minute. Pictures of old ships and stuff. For me, kind of boring. But probably loved by the type of people who like Maritime museums.

The video makes me think how I'm not really into videos.  And maybe I won't look at official videos for these posts.

Maybe instead I'll look for covers, because I often love that.

Here's Vika & Linda singing at the Sydney Harbour 2022 New Years Celebration.  Their names looked vaguely familar to me, and unfamiliar enough to make me feel I've become out of touch with Aussie music.

I'm not sure if they were a thing back when I was obsessed with Australia, and they just flew outside my radar.  Or if they've become popular more recently.  

Here's Tim Finn and Māori women singing the song in Māori.  I have this version on my playlist too.

The song sounds much better in Māori.  I usually like to say these things as opinion.  But I think, with this, it's fact. 

Dear Neighbor

Dear Neighbor,

Hi!

Last weekend when we had that gas leak adventure, I was standing next to you and your two dogs.  You remarked that this was a bad time for this to be happening.  I assume you meant the weather.

My response to you was, "It could be worse".

I'm totally against toxic positivity, so I'm ashamed that I said that.

Although a part of me thinks it might be sort of okay, because I actually meant what I said.  

See, I hate cold weather.  And I felt it was much less cold than it has been at times these past few weeks.  Even in my shorts, I felt okay.

If I lied and agreed with you...if I said, "I know. Right?" than I fear that would have been people-pleasing-behavior.

What's worse?

I'm not sure.

Anyway, it was nice having that neighborly disaster-bonding moment with you.  I hope I didn't fuck it up too much.

 

Dear Actor Who Hates Zionists

Dear Actor Who Hates Zionists,

I hate you back.

Tradition has it that I'm to say you're untalented and that I never liked your work.

But that's not true.

I think you're very talented, and I used to love your work.

You have made me laugh.

You've brought joy to my life.

I even managed to laugh a little, watching you, after I already knew how much you hated people like me.  

But mostly I just felt....

Well, I felt like most people feel when they know someone hates them.  

I'm a bit delusional at times, and I've had this fantasy that you meet me and suddenly think, She's so nice! Maybe I don't hate Zionists after all!

But that's very far-fetched.  Because A) we live in different worlds.  The chance of us meeting is like one in a zillion. B) I'm very much lacking charm and adorability.  If we did meet, you'd probably come away hating Zionists even more.

Anyway....

I'm going to end this with a polite lie. It might be partially the truth.  I'm not sure.

I wish you well in your career and life. Good-bye.  

Is Neighbours My Crystal Ball?

On Saturday, there was a knock at the door.

Tim answered it and then told me, We need to get out of the house now!

There was a gas leak next door.

It was exciting in that bond-with-your-neighbors-you-hardly-know way.

It was scary, because our cats were still in the house.

I mean we attempted to grab one and put him in the carrier but understood quickly it was a loss cause and went with hoping-for-the-best.

The best happened.

All was resolved in about twenty minutes.

What I heard is that someone hit the gas meter and then drove off.

This happened on Neighbours recently! 

Okay but not only that.  A day or two before, Tim had been telling me about a work related real estate drama. After he finished venting, I had started watching an episode of Neighbours and Toadie (Ryan Moloney) got a text with a very similar real estate drama.  

I think I should start seeing every storyline on Neighbours as a warning.

A Message For the Christmas Season

Dear People Who Celebrate Christmas:

If the only way you can feel comfortable celebrating Christmas this year is believing and saying that Jesus was a Palestinian....

You are antisemitic AF.

Hope your eggnog tastes rotten.

Hope your Christmas lights get tangled.

Hope the roast gives you gas.

Hope Santa breaks the shingles on your roof.

Questions I Have About Ōpaki

I'm really loving Ōpaki.  Though I'm trying to watch it slowly, because a part of me feels I should wait and watch it when I can understand more.

I'm trying to balance watching the show with doing other sorts of te reo learning.

Though another part of me wonders if watching the show while struggling to understand IS the best way to learn. 

Well...maybe I'm doing the right thing, then.  If it's a bad idea to watch the show at this point, I'm not watching a lot of it.  If it's a good idea to watch the show, that's cool, because I'm doing that.

Anyway...

What I really wanted to talk about is things I wonder about the show regarding how much is real and how much is staged.

The show's premise is three people come to stay at this house with the host Pānia Papa.  

Each group stays for....I think three to four episodes?  I'm currently with the second group.

So far, it's started with the three people hanging out in the kitchen where they talk about where they're from.

Then two of them go into a bedroom where they chat the best they can in te reo Māori and kind of quiz each other and/or compare vocabulary.

While this is happening, Pānia Papa talks to the third person in the laundry room.  After a bit of chatting, they meet up with the other two in the bedroom.

I'm rambling.

I probably don't need to describe the whole set up.

What I'm struggling to get at is my curiosity about....

A) Is this a real house or a set?

B) Are the guests truly sleeping over?  There's conversation about how well the guests slept. Is that just language practice, or a (somewhat) real conversation?

C) If two of the guests are actually sleeping in the room that's shown, how is the filming done?  Is there a camera person in with them?  Or is a camera placed somewhere?  If so, is the camera on all the time and then they edit out the private stuff like sleeping, snoring, farting, etc?

Can you tell I don't watch a lot of reality TV?

I guess one of the main things I'm wondering is if this is an overnight educational experience mostly for the benefit of the guests, and they tape portions of the show to expand the benefits to others.

Or is it mostly a staged production with the main purpose of educating viewers? 

So...for example.  They will play a game to practice te reo Māori; then as Pānia Papa says some closing remarks, the group will continue to play the game.  Is this just for show?  Or do they actually continue once the camera stops rolling.

Both Sides Now

A song I have found cathartic lately is "Both Sides Now" by Jodie Mitchell.

I've kind of taken liberty with the lyrics to fit my situation and feelings...in a way that Mitchell probably didn't intend.

For me, the clouds are various media outlets/entities. 

Before the aftermath of October 7, these entities were "angel hair" and "ice-Cream castles in the air".

They brought me feelings of comfort, vindication, and validation.

They made me feel less alone.

At times, they felt like family.

In a way, they were my moral compass.

And now, too many of them have become "Rain and snow on...."

Well, not everyone.

But Jews.

Israel.

Anyone who supports Israel.  

***

Reading the lyrics...

Two parts really get to me:

A) It's cloud illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all

Because I don't know what to think of the clouds.  Are they mostly good and unfortunately infected with a bit of antisemitism.  Or has antisemitism been a major part of their substance all along?

B) Oh, but now old friends, they're acting strange

And they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed

Well, something's lost but something's gained

In living every day

Well...minus the part about people telling me I've changed. No one has done that.

My life is full of rejection...both real and perceived.

It's hard for me to know for sure what's the usual rejection and what's antisemitism.

***

There's a part of me that's telling me that I'm being hypersensitive, and I shouldn't make assumptions.  And I don't know what's going on in people's lives.  Blah, blah, blah.

But with everything going on and the stuff I post on Instagram...I think maybe I actually have the right to make these assumptions and think the worse.

And I think I have fair reason to decide that I probably don't want these people in my life anymore.  If they decide to want to come back.

If they've been a bit antisemitic the past few months and then change their minds...do I want them back in my life?

If they're not antisemitic but are just oblivious or insensitive to how these times have been hard, and they haven't taken the time to reach out, do I want them back in my life?  

The answer I have to these questions right now might not be the same answer I have in a few weeks or few months.

***

My willingness to let these people back into my life (if they tried to return) are going to be determined by

A) My desire to be social (which is often low)

B) My hyper/misplaced empathy

C) My feelings of nostalgia (often high...especially when listening to music).

I might be very firm about wanting to kick someone to the curb.  Then I hear a song that reminds me of time we spent together...and suddenly my cold heart is thawed.  

***

I would like to keep my heart cold.

But just to those who deserve it.

Not to those who don't.

Sometimes I go the route of I'm-going-to-reject-you-before-you-reject-me.  I feel bad about that.  

***

Well...it's really more along the lines of, I feel someone backing away, so...simultaneously, I back away too.

 

 

Spotify Unwrapped (Part 3)

I saw the full list of my most-listened-to-songs on Spotify.  Then it vanished. I couldn't find it.

But this morning, it popped up again.  So I took a screenshot.

This is the secondary group of songs.

The first ones were featured in the actual Unwrapped Screenshot...which I shared in part 2.  

I mentioned "All the Goodbyes in the World" in that post, because I didn't know I would have the excuse to talk about it in this post.

It's such a beautiful song.

I was going to copy and paste some of the lyrics, but I can't pick and choose.  It's all so beautiful. 

 I'm fighting back tears just looking at them.

***

"Carole Brown" is a very cute song.

Though I actually like "If you're Into It" more.

Sometimes a song gets up higher on the list because of Spotify Shuffle and not because I actually chose to listen to it more.

That being said....

With Flight of the Conchords, I tended to become obsessed with one song.  I would listen to it repeatedly; than move onto another song.

"If you're Into It" might be my favorite in the TV show.  Not only did I listen to it on Spotify a lot but also repeatedly watched it on YouTube.

 

***

"Legacy" is a very indie song.

It's sung by a friend of someone very important to me.

I'm hoping the singer has a lot of career success.

I hate seeing talented people not being seen enough.

***

"Hi Gene" is another song I mentioned in Part 2...not realizing I'd have the excuse to talk about it here.

One thing I'd add is that I listened to it several times before paying attention to the lyrics and realizing

"Hi Gene" is about "Hygiene".  And as a person with OCD-contamination style, I find it somewhat relatable.

***

"Wandering Under the Moon" is a beautiful and very positive song about the bright side of post-apocalyptic life.

***

"Hurricane" is a song very well-known in the post October 7 Zionist world.

And it's probably also known among people who follow the drama of Eurovision.

***

If October 7 hadn't happened, and we hadn't watched Legion...I think my music for 2024 would have maybe been dominated by Danish music.  

We went to Copenhagen in August 2023, and I had been trying to stay connected by reading about Denmark and listening to Danish music.

I had been very intrigued by Freetown Christiana; though we unfortunately never got around to visiting.

Through my reading and listening, I came across Lucas Graham who grew up in the neighborhood.

And that's why I started listening to "Mama Said" many times.

***

I have more links than I wanted in this post.

I really want to do less linking.

But once I put some in links, I feel obligated to put links for all.

But if I put links for all songs; then I feel there will be an expectation of this level of links in all my posts.  And I don't want that.

So I'm kind of purposely being inconsistent in this post.

Dear Friend Who Wrote Me Back….

Dear Friend Who Wrote Me Back Several Months Later:

No, I didn’t think you forgot about me.

I thought you found out I was a Zionist.

Or you made a logical guess based on statistics and concluded I was probably a Zionist.

Now that you’ve written. I’m not sure if it’s because…

A) you’re totally okay with Jews, Zionist or not.

B) You’re ignorant about the statistics and can’t imagine a progressive American Jew like me would ever be one of those evil Zionists. 

Spotify Unwrapped (Part 2)

So...that's part of my Spotify Unwrapped.

Before Jemaine Clement came into our lives via Legion, my musical goals were centered around Dan  Romer and The Beatles. 

Dan Romer was a result of my listening to the soundtrack of Station Eleven and deciding I want to listen to everything he's ever made. 

The Beatles were a result of seeing the movie Yesterday and deciding I wanted to do a deep dive of all their music.

That one didn't last.  I think mainly because I realized I actually liked the Beatles songs better when Himesh Patel is singing them.

I just realized the first and last artist on my list are connected to Himesh Patel.  

Patel was one of the stars of Station Eleven.

How cool is that?

I should mention....I didn't do a screenshot, but I'm like in the top .002% of Dan Romer's listeners.  

I can still get the screenshot if anyone out there is needing proof.

Not sure why anyone would need proof.

But...who knows.

Oh! Well....there might be a very competitive Dan Romer fan out there.  They might demand to see the

proof behind my declarations. 

***

The three artists in the middle are all from New Zealand.

Two led to three...fairly directly.

I'm not sure how I ended up finding four.  

I started listening to a lot of Māori music which may have led me to Stan Walker.

Or...I remember seeing someone using one of his songs on their Instagram post.  Though for me to notice that, I would have probably already had to have been familar with his name.

***

As for the songs....

I think it's funny that, except for Flight of the Conchords, none of the artists match the songs.

In actuality, I think I did listen to Stan Walker's song the most.  That would be "Aotearoa".  But I mostly listened to it on the Alexa Echo while showering.  And Alexa is hooked up to Tim's Spotify account rather than mine.

There were multiple days where I requested the song on repeat.

***

I was kind of surprised that my most listened to Flight of the Conchords song was "Feel Inside".  But I vaguely remember, one afternoon, having it on repeat.

Also, I think there were many days where I'd be eating feta cheese. Or thinking about eating feta cheese. I'd think of the song and then want to play the song.

***

"In Time" resulted from Coronation Street. 

I lost my link to the show when Hulu stopped carrying it. Then months later, Tim had digital credits from Amazon and offered them to me, so I could have a month of Britbox.

"In Time" played during a special episode featuring Lauren (Cait Fitton).  I liked the song; saved it, and kind of forgot about it.

Then I became re-attached to Coronation Street and was kind of a lot sad about saying goodbye. In my time of mourning, The song came on via shuffle and I then listened to it over and over and over.

I might have been crying part of the time.

(This event might have been to painful for me to remember and write about...but it's not. Because thanks to Black Friday sales, I currently have two months of Coronation Street)

***

"Something in the Water" was another song I added to my playlist and didn't give much attention to until...

We were watching The Walking Dead, and there was an episode involving poisoned water.  And the song came into my head.  I started listening to it and became slightly obsessed for a few days.

And though I mostly listened to the cover by The Wellington  International Ukulele Orchestra, I started to also listen to Brooke Fraser's original version...and other music by her.

***

"Okay" is by Five For Fighting and is about October 7—the massacres, the hostages, the antisemitism, etc.  I love the song and also love that a musician I like is so supportive.

It's wonderful to learn about an artist BECAUSE of their advocacy.

But it's extra nice to already have liked that artist.

"Superman" is one of my favorite songs.

"Carried Away" is by the Aussie singer Jae Laffer. I didn't know him by name until this year but was familar with songs from his group The Panics. 

I added some of his songs to my playlist and then forgot the who the what and the why.

Then one morning during the days we were watching Our Flag Means Death, I heard "Carried Away" and assumed I got it from the show.

It seemed to fit so well.

It took me awhile and some confirming to convince myself it was not played in the show.

Even now, I feel unsure and am tempted to re-check.

Another song that I misplaced in a show was...."Hi Gene" by Glenn Richards.

I added some of his music to my playlist after seeing Late Night with the Devil.

I guess I saw his name on IMDb and then decided to listen to a bunch of his music.

So then I thought that "Hi Gene" was played at the end of Late Night with the Devil.

But it seems that wasn't the case.

If I'm wrong about being wrong, please let me know in the comments.

***

Back to Don McGlashan, because I feel I didn't talk about him enough.  My favorite songs of his, thus far, are "All the Goodbyes in the World" and "Girl, Make Your Own Mind Up".

***

I wish there had been more Brett McKenzie on my list, because I listened to a LOT of his music. And not just Flight of the Conchords stuff.  

I'm also disappointed to not have more Māori music, because I listened to a ton. But I can understand it's absence, because I listened to such a variety of artists and a variety of songs.  I failed to consolidate enough.

I think if they had included genres on Spotify Unwrapped this year, I would have gotten something with Māori music and maybe something with Hebrew/Jewish music.

Really...all in all...I'd say that Spotify Unwrapped doesn't do a great job of representing my music experience.  Still...I'll probably still be obsessing about Spotify Unwrapped 2025.  

Spotify Unwrapped (Part 1)

I didn't want to admit it the other day, but the other thing ruining my day was the disappointment of Spotify Unwrapped.

I might anticipate Spotify Unwrapped as much as other people anticipate Halloween and/or Christmas. 

Or Sukkot? 

Eid?

I think about Spotify Unwrapped often.  Maybe every time I like a song or artist? Wondering if it/they will show up on my Unwrapped.

Anyway, I ended up disappointed.

First I was disappointed by the Unwrapped itself. But I wasn't sure why.

Second I was disappointed that on Instagram, people were making fake Unwraps as memes. The first one I saw was pro-Israel and/or anti-antisemitism.  I liked it, thinking it was clever.

But then I saw it more and more...

It started to feel less clever and more....

Mocking.

I felt it was mocking people like me...people who care so much about what's on their Spotify Unwrapped.

Do we deserve to be mocked?

Yes.

Probably.  

I later saw an articles about how people were disappointed with Spotify Unwrapped this year.  

Reading it, I realized my disappointment about the actual results had merit.

Last year, and perhaps other years, Spotify provided us with our musical genre anda musical geographical result thing.  Well, I remember the genres for at least the last two years. I only remember my geographical thing from last year.

It had been Brisbane, which is a fact now I treasure even more, because of my love for Bluey.

This year I was hoping for New Zealand...which wouldn't be an unrealistic hope.  I listened to a LOT of music from New Zealand.

Well...I was going to put some screenshots from my Spotify Unwrapped in this post. But since I'm trying to make shorter posts, I'm going to go ahead and do a sequel post.

Ōpaki

One of the new and wonderful things in my life lately is a Māori TV show called Ōpaki.  

It's one of the very few programs on the Māori TV apps that is available worldwide...vs. only in New Zealand or only in New Zealand and Australia.  

It works out, though, for me, because Ōpaki is a language-learning show, and that's what I'm wanting most out of the Māori TV app.

The show consists of three Te Reo Māori-learning guests being hosted in a house by Pānia Papa, a sports star who became a Māori language advocate and teacher.

During the show, they have simple conversations that are mostly too hard for me to understand.  Because although the three guests are beginners, they're farther along than I am.  But I do understand a little bit here and there, which makes me feel good.

Here and there, the show translates some of the vocabulary at the bottom of the screen. I feel some glory if I already knew the word.  I feel some gratitude if it's a new word.  I feel frustration and failure if it's a word I already learned and then forgot.  

Along with the conversations, they also play games and other activities to teach vocabulary.  For example, they played a game where one houseguest placed their set of objects in a certain way while instructing a second houseguest on how to place the same set of objects. Without either guest being able to see what the other was doing.

Jack and I used to play this game together when he was young.  But in English.

Anyway, the game on the show helps to teach the names of objects while also teaching direction words.

In the episode I've been watching today, there was a surprise knock on the door.

I don't know if it was a surprise for them too or just me.  Because I could understand very little of the conversation before the knock on the door.

The fun thing is, I recognized the guy at the door.  I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not.  But soon I learned it was who I thought it was—Hēmi Kelly from the Māori Phrase a Day YouTube Channel.  

This crossover of two different avenues of my Māori-learning world brought me some extra joy.  I guess, because it kind of signified that this has become a big part of my life.  It's like...okay, I might not understand a lot of phrases.  But I do recognize some of the big characters of the Te Reo Māori Education world.  

My Bad Day Continues

Yeti threw up outside in his car carrier. That’s about as awful as stepping in cat vomit and tracking it around the kitchen.

Poor Yeti was unable to exit the cage without stepping in the vomit. So he too ended up tracking vomit around the kitchen.

I say Poor Yeti, because I think he might hate vomiting as much as me. Whenever he throws up, he jumps away from it in a certain way.  Like he’s disgusted and wants to avoid contamination.  

And when I checked him outside, he was standing as much as he could away from the vomit.

In comparison, Annie would have probably sat there playing with it or eating it.  In fact, if it had been Annie, I probably wouldn’t have realized she vomited. I would have maybe just seen the wet spot and assumed she had done some vigorous outdoor bathing.  

Tim helped me clean up the vomit.  I pretended to be a person with only a minor touch of OCD… the type of person satisfied with a one paper towel and a two wipe cleaning.  

Then when I was very sure he had left; that the car was truly gone, I cleaned the carrier some more.This involved more wipes and then wet paper towels to remove the bleach (so cats don’t later get poisoned).

I think you can know you have a major problem when people in your life know you have this problem, yet they know only the tip of the iceberg, because you hide so much.

Anyway… during the rest of the day, I’ve been trying to stay focused on the audiobook I downloaded yesterday.  I started reading it last night and liked it.

But today I kept having to replay what I heard, because I was so distracted by antisemitic celebrities and vomit trauma.  

I finally started to feel my brain was absorbing the book. 

I was on chapter four which is past the usual chapter in which I decide whether or not to commit to a book and add it to Goodreads.

I went to add it and saw I have already read the book. In 2019. This disturbs me, because the book didn’t feel even remotely familiar to me.  

I immediately returned it to the library. But now I’m wondering if I should have read it again.  Since I didn’t remember it.  

No….

The book is too connected to the bad day.  I’d rather start something new. 

Maybe.  

I sit here thinking that it’s also cold and rainy and my hands are cut up from all the handwashing I do.  But I should be glad things are not worse which makes me feel worse as I remember all the bad that will eventually probably actually happen.  Damaging storms, disease… tragedy… death…..

I Hate Australia So Much

I hate Australia.  Like any decent person on the right side of history would.  

But please don’t think I’m anti-Aussie.

I’m perfectly fine with Aussie people… as long as they don’t live in Australia or show any support of Australia.  

It is very important not to conflate Aussies with Australia.  Some of them are decent human beings and hate Australia as much as me.  

All of us who are moral human beings must refuse to give Australia or those who support Australia our business.

I refuse to watch any TV show or movie that has Australian actors.

I’m canceling Amazon Prime. How dare they platform Neighbours, the most disgusting piece of Australian propaganda out there?

I might also cancel Spotify.  Do you know how much Australian crap is on there?!

I’m never going to read any book written by an Aussie  author…UNLESS they loudly declare they hate Australia and Australians.  

I might organize protests to take place at zoos around the world… in their Australian sections.  No, I don’t hate the innocent animals.  But I very much don’t support the exploitation of animals as tourism propaganda.  No moral, decent person would visit Australia or try to trick other people into visiting!!!!!

Do you want to know something incredibly sad?

There’s an Australian cafe in our city!!! I cry every time, I think about it.  It upsets me so much.  I’m shaking, just thinking about it.  

I have no problem with Aussies owning restaurants.  But this one blatantly promotes Australia.  It has Australian food, Australian wallpaper, Australian accents…..

WTF is wrong with people?????

I see people eating in that evil cafe, and I don’t understand how they live with themselves?  Are they themselves evil?  Or just ignorant?  Neither one is excusable, IMHO.

Anyway… I really don’t like getting political. But some things go beyond politics.  Sometimes we have to have the courage to stand up against pure Evil… even if it means being canceled.   

A Bad Day So Far

I’m having a bad day so far.

First I stepped in cat vomit… and not realizing it, I tracked it around the kitchen.

This would probably be a ten minute clean-up job for most people. But since I have OCD and a vomit phobia, it took about an hour for me to deal with it. And I still feel unsettled.

Second, I learned one of my favorite actors from one of my favorite TV shows is very antisemitic.

I had seen something in passing months ago and hoped it was just a criticism of an Israeli official.

But no.

I went to this actor’s Instagram, and hating Israel seems to be his main focus in life.  Or at least his social media life. 

And then I started going down a rabbit hole of shitty despair… wondering if other people working on the show hate Jews. Or if they’re indifferent to Jews, are they perfectly cool with their coworker’s antisemitism?  

I would like to be able to believe that some of them are as unhappy as me and never wanting to work with him again. 

I imagine if an antisemitic person finds this post, they will feel a lot of glee. I can’t fault them at that. Because I felt delight seeing people, on Reddit, whine in disappointment, about certain celebrities being Zionist. 

Sunflowers

The first summer we lived in our Carrollton house, one sunflower randomly grew in our front yard.  I was very delighted.

2022

In the fall, I collected some of the seeds and planted them in the backyard.  Which often equates to me throwing seeds into the air and hoping for the best.  

We ended up with about 5-7 big sunflowers.  Some were probably from the front sunflower and others were likely from bought seeds and/or uneaten bird/squirrel food. 

 

2023

In the Spring of 2024, many, many baby sunflowers started sprouting up.  

2024

Though it's hard for me to do, I aborted quite a few of them.  

But we still ended up with a forest of sunflowers.

2024

It was beautiful but messy.

In terms of wildlife, it was wonderful.  Especially in terms of bees. 

In terms of being able to walk in our backyard...not so great.

In terms of Tim being able to move the lawnmower through the backyard to get to the front from the garage...not so great.

We got a stern letter from the HOA at one point.  I had to trim things down a bit.  Which I had planned to do anyway...as the weather got cooler.  Our HOA tends to have unpleasant timing.  

This next spring, I'm going to try to thin things out much more.  And I'm expecting a shitload of babies.

My aim is to have a small section of the yard crowded with sunflowers but have other areas where we can walk, let other things grow, etc.

As for the dead sunflowers, I've been working a lot to cut the remnants into small pieces, leaving them in the yard...rather than filling bags and bags and bags and bags of landscaping bags.  I love doing it.  It's a great thing to do while listening to audio books, podcasts, Neighbours, etc. 

Who Cares

Michael Rapaport posted an Instagram Reel this morning that seems to suggest he believes there would have been much more compassion and outrage for the hostages held by Hamas if they were Black, Puerto Rican, or white.

What?????

I’m kind of hoping I’ve misunderstood him.  

Black people and other groups have been complaining for years about what the Jews are complaining about now.

They feel

We feel 

OUR lives matter less.

I think these feelings do have merit.

But it’s not due to a worldwide consensus.

It’s about particular audiences.

On 21st century university campuses around the world… especially elite, expensive ones that lean left… I’m sure they would be much more concerned for the hostages if they were Black.  (As long as they weren’t Israeli Black people).

At Fox News Stations, they would probably be working hard to point out that there was a lot of drug use going on at the Nova Festival.  IF the hostages were Black (and not Israeli).

Both the left and the right have groups they care about more and groups they care about much less.  

Or sometimes it’s worse than not-caring.  It’s not indifference but hatred with a belief the people deserve the bad that has happened to them. 

I know what Eli Wiesel said.  And yeah.  Indifference can be very bad… but really only if bad things are happening to us. 

If I’m having a nice morning, drinking my coffee and eating my bagel…it’s not going to hurt me, at that moment, if the world is indifferent to me.  

Bethany Had No Love Handles

I’m sadly no longer watching Coronation Street full time, because Hulu stopped carrying it.  But I step back into Weatherford here and there, such as when having extra digital credits from Amazon or Cyber Monday sales makes temporarily subscribing to BritBox a good deal.  

Anyway… I’ve been catching up by watching sporadic episodes from the last few months.

One storyline has Bethany (Lucy Fallon) hospitalized with a stoma bag situation, because her discounted liposuction in Turkey went very wrong.  

Her Uncle David (Jack P Shepherd) confesses he might be partly to blame.  Bethany had mentioned to him that she was researching Liposuction for a story… and, I guess, seemed intrigued by it on a personal level.  

David had made a joke along the lines of her having extreme love handle issues.

Even though she didn’t.  And David didn't think she did. He was just trying to be funny, not realizing she had body image issues.

The drama reminded me of times that men in my family have made little jokes/comments that crushed my self-esteem.

It could be that they actually wanted to lower my self-esteem… take away some of my power to make themselves more powerful.

But it could have also been that they were totally joking and wrongly believed I had a ton of confidence about the issue and would have taken it in stride. 

I also worry that I may have jokingly-insulted people, at points in my life, believing that they had self-confidence about the issue and therefore would be amused rather than wounded.

I don’t want to preach that we should stop joking and teasing.  

Maybe we just need to be more mindful… 

Maybe clarify we’re joking… if we suspect the joke wasn’t received in the way we intended.

And....

Maybe if we tend to roast someone in most of our interactions, we need to surprise them with a compliment here and there.

Dear Singer

Dear Singer of the Song I’m Starting to Love,

Do you hate Israel?

Do you hate Jews?

I’d like to know before I listen to your song obsessively and repeatedly… and save all your other albums.

I don’t want you on my 2025 Spotify unwrapped if you’re  a Hamas fan.  

I Dare You….

 It must be that Joe Biden is playing truth or dare.

The first dare was to exit a bookstore carrying an anti-Israel book. And he’s not allowed to offer an explanation.  

The second dare was to pardon his son even though he promised not to.  

What’s next?

I suggest maybe he go with truth next time.  

Or play a different game.  

False Starts

I started to feel discouraged about getting back to blogging, because today I started 2 or 3 posts that I ended up deleting. 

I hate when I do that. It feels like I wasted time and energy for nothing.

But I’m going to work on being okay with it.

Since I’m writing shorter posts, it’s at least less time wasted.  Right? 

And maybe it’s better to start and stop sometimes rather than stopping the starting all together.  

But as I write such encouragement, I start spiraling…

What’s the point of writing when so many other people are writing?

What’s the point of writing if ChatGPT could say it better?

My argument against negative me: A lot of the other stuff you do is pointless as well.  So just… 

Keep on going.  I guess.