I could relate somewhat to some stuff that Liv and Mik said in the first episode of their podcast Living Autistically.
Liv says: for example making plans with friends. I always do that when I am feeling good and when I am feeling ready to have social contact. But then often times even though I love them all very much, the day before I feel like what have I done? I cannot handle it.
And a tiny bit later, Mik says: I don’t want spontaneous plans because that’s like too spontaneous and like I’m not ready for that. But planning stuff with people is also very difficult because you do not know how you’re going to feel on that specific day. And a lot of time that ends up in me canceling plans and stuff.
I don't often make friends with plans. But I can relate in terms of A) making plans with family B) making appointments C) making doctor appointments.
I was going to make doctor appointments for the summer. I went on the app and everything; then I realized I would have to deal with the dread and anxiety between making the appointment and having the appointment. I eventually decided to just skip the whole thing. Although I was also thinking that if I'm ever suddenly in the mood to go to the doctor, maybe I'll see if there are last minute appointments.
With travel, I am usually slightly full of dread when we buy tickets but also excited....and....
Trying to think of the word here.
It's kind of like motivated but not that.
(let me know if you can figure out the word I'm trying to think of)
Anyway, I'll just say that my feelings are mostly positive.
But then the trip gets closer and closer, and I become stressed, anxious, scared, etc. I kind of regret making plans or agreeing to go on the trip.
What usually happens, though, is that once I finish packing and we're all set to go....then I get excited and wish we could leave immediately. I think this is especially the case when we have an early morning flight. I wish we could just skip the struggle to get to bed on time, wake up, etc. Let's just go to the airport. Now!
I almost always end up loving the actual trip. Though this isn't really what I dread in the first place. I love being places, but I hate the part of getting there.
Oh! And on top of all that....the biggest thing is the leaving-the-cats-anxiety.
I don't think typical autistic people are supposed to like spontaneous plans. But I'm not typically autistic in that way.
Now, I don't think I could handle a very last minute international trip...or interstate trip, probably.
In terms of smaller (close-by) activities, I like it when there's around 20-30 minutes between deciding to do something and being in the car on the way there.
A few days ago, there was a last minute plan to go out and get cookies. Then when we were in the car, we decided to go get lunch. I liked that.
I think one of the reasons I'm usually good with spontaneous plans is I'm not highly dependent on routines. I'm more on the ritual/rule side of things.
I have things I need to do everyday and particular ways of doing things, but they don't need to be at a specific time or in a specific order.
Today we're going to a movie....not a spontaneous thing. We bought the tickets yesterday.
I've given myself due dates of when I need to finish listening to each segment of the Ruth Bader Ginsburg audio book. I had a segment due today. Because I knew we were going, I listened to a lot last night and have most of that segment finished. So that was helpful. But if we made the plans last minute and I had a lot to listen to, it wouldn't be a huge deal, because I would just do it when we got home.
Well, that's not exactly true. It would be a kind of big deal, because I'm the type who overestimates how long things will take. So I would probably be stressed at the movie with the idea that I have so much to get done, and it will be near impossible to get it all done. But then when I actually do the stuff, it turns out I finish much earlier than expected.
I forgot where I heard this...it might have been in a Yo Samdy Sam video, but there was a thing about whether we are the type of to overestimate or underestimate how long something will take. I'm definitely an over-estimator which means I tend to finish work earlier than expected and arrive at places earlier than needed. Tim, on the other hand, tends to be an under-estimator.
Well....the other thing is. I'm a major homebody, so whether it's planned a little ahead of time, a lot ahead a time, or totally spontaneous....my top choice would usually be just staying home in my sleep clothes all day. BUT at the same time, I do often end up very much enjoying the places that we go.
What would be great is a future where we have teleportation and everyone wears pajamas or other super comfortable clothes.
I'm also fine with a future where 90% of it is virtual reality.
P.S-We're back from the movie. We saw Suicide Squad. I liked most of it but fell asleep during some of it. I'm not sure much happened during that time, because I didn't feel overly lost when I woke up. My favorite characters were Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) and the King Shark (Sylvester Stallone).
The last movie we saw before the pandemic was Birds of Prey. Jack had the brilliant idea of having Suicide Squad be our first movie to go to after the 18 months hiatus. But we ended up seeing The Jungle Cruise last week.
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