Sunday, July 6, 2008

Feeling Down

I've been feeling a bit down the past several hours.

These are the things that bother me:

1. People who say I just want you to be happy. And what they TRULY mean is I want you to live the life that makes us most comfortable and then pretend to be happy about it.

2. People who say What's wrong? and what they really mean is Please don't tell me you're problems. It bores me to listen to them. But can you please ACT happy.

3. People who allow me to be kind to them, but treat me like crap in return. Yes, it's my fault for being a doormat. But you don't have to step on me. Walk away or around me, if you're not interested. Don't be like that man in The Giving Tree.

4. Trying to sort out all my conflicting feelings regarding my soap opera life.

5. People who dislike something just for the simple reason that I like it.

6. People who are eager for you to tell them your problems. They act like they care and understand. Then later they use that information against you. Can something like that ever be forgiven? How do you learn to trust people after that happens to you?

Here are things that keep me from being completely depressed:

1. That I finally have the best friend I've been searching for--someone that sticks with me through the good times and bad times. Someone I can talk to on a daily basis and not feel I'm bothering her.

2. People who make me laugh and who laugh at my attempts at humor.

3. Being passionate about something in which there is so much to learn. I've been obsessed with a lot of things. What's great about Australia is there is so much to learn. It's a whole damn country. I could spend decades being obsessed and learning about it, and it will probably still just be the tip of the iceberg. And sadly by that time, there likely won't be any more icebergs.

4. The hope that maybe all my inner conflict and confusion is good for my soul in the long run.

5. The hope that I'll meet new friends through writing this blog and reading other blogs. Oh. And also strengthen relationships with people I already love--such as my cousin.

6. The relief that this blog has a specific theme and is not a general "my crazy life" blog and I can keep posts like this to a minimum. But you know, every so often, I'll get tired of being the-girl-who-wished-she-was-Australian. I want to be Dina--the girl who is 90% the-girl-who-wished-she-was-Australian. But 10% other stuff too.

7. I blabbed on and on about my problems to a friend this week and she was nice enough to listen.

8. People who are supportive of my interest in Australia. They may not love it as much as me, but they're happy that I'm interested in it. They listen when I talk about it, they read my blog, and they show some enthusiasm.

9. That the Australian application I made on Facebook seems to be doing very well. No, I'm not back on Facebook. We checked via my husband's account. I'm proud that one of my little projects had some success--even though it didn't make me any money or anything.

10. I guess the best thing is my positive list is much longer than my negative list.