Thursday, June 10, 2010

My Own Personal Fairy...and Demon

I've started to read a novel by Justine Larbalestier; How to Ditch Your Fairy.

I'm not quite sure yet if I like it or not. It's cute though. The premise is that people believe they each have a personal fairy. Instead of believing in luck, people believe in fairies. The protagonist has the fairy that provides good parking spaces. She's not pleased with this, and hopes to ditch her new fairy for a new one.

The book made me question what type of fairy I'd have.

I'd probably say I have the cool-dream fairy. I love my dreams, and I know that a lot of people don't have such interesting ones....or they have them, and aren't blessed with remembering them.

I was trying to figure out Jack's fairy last night. I think he probably has the excellent-memory fairy, although he might also have the excellent-eye-hand-coordination fairy.

Tim has the everyone-likes-you-fairy. Tim has this ability to make people totally love him. Well, not EVERYONE loves him.....but most people do. When I talked about this with Jack, he said that Tim has charisma (a vocabulary word he learned from Sims 2).

Jack and I decided my mom has the game-winning fairy. It seems almost every time we play a game with her, she wins!

I decided my older sister has a medical-miracle-fairy. She gets in medical situations that scare the hell out of the rest of us. Then she turns out to be okay (knock on wood!!!).

I haven't figured out fairies for the rest of my family yet. Let me think.....

My younger sister might have the petite-thin-and-adorable-without-an-eating-disorder fairy.

I think my dad has a LOT of fairies. I think his recent one is the not-crashing-the-boat-into-the-dock fairy (knock on wood again).

Maybe later I'll figure out my nieces, nephews, and brothers-in-law. Then there's cousins, friends, and all that. This is kind of fun. Although I'm sure they'd better know what their own fairies are than I would.

I'm imagining that we also each have our own personal demons. I think mine is the compassionate-but-resentful-demon. I have butt loads of compassion for people. And that's a good thing. I recognize that. The problem is I'm not altruistic. I DO expect things in return. I'm there for people (in various ways), and when they're not there for me in return, I get very resentful.

Life would be much easier for me if I could either:

A) Be less able to say no and not feel guilty about it. I recently said no to someone, and I was a nervous wreck about it. And I didn't even really say no. It was more of a probably-not-but-I'll-try. I blabbed on and on to Tim about the situation and my nervousness.

B) Be one of those people who is totally giving and never expects anything in return. And by things, I don't mean material goods. No, not at all. It's other stuff, the stuff that's much more important to me..... If I show support for your interests, I want you to show support for mine. If I'm there for you when you have a problem, I want you to be there for me when I have one. If I give congrats and kudos when you are happy/excited about something, I want you to do the same for me.


I really don't think either A or B is ever going to happen. Well, I don't want to lose A. I like being a compassionate person. And I wish I could do B, but it's just not in my nature. Maybe the trick is to prioritize. Be there for people as much as possible....but be there MORE for the people who are often there for me.

Also, I think when someone wants me to do them a favor, I'll classify my decision/response in three ways.

A) I don't owe you any favors but I WANT to do this...maybe because doing so would actually benefit me in some way. For example, it's fun.

B) I don't want to do this, but I'll do it anyway, because I owe you a favor...either because you've done a favor for me in the past, OR you've been there for me when I needed you.

C) I wouldn't enjoy doing this favor for you, and I don't owe you any favors. So, I'm NOT going to do it. I probably won't say all that. I'll just say no in some polite fashion.