Just Eat the Peanut Butter Cookie

Let's say there's a first grade classroom.

Elizabeth is passing out treats she made with her mother—peanut butter cookies.

She comes to her classmate Lily.  

Instead of reaching out and taking the cookie, Lily takes steps backward.  I can't. I'm allergic.

Come on! It's fine, Elizabeth says. They're really yummy. My mom and I worked really hard to make them. 

I'll die if I eat them.

You won't die! Elizabeth laughs. Trust me. I've eaten them all my life. And I'm fine. They're not poison!  The only way you'll die is if you like try to swallow them whole and end up choking. Just don't do that.

Lily shakes her head and takes more steps backward.

Elizabeth rolls her eyes; then walks away. She mumbles under her breath. Your loss.

Elizabeth's ignorance leads to her lack of empathy. 

And it's not just any kind of ignorance. It's willing ignorance.  If she was open-minded enough, she could have stopped and listened to what Lily was saying. She could have asked what Lily meant by the whole allergic-to-peanut-butter-cookies thing. 

But what Elizabeth has is the mindset, that if it works okay for me, it should work okay for you.

It's an empathy where people can walk in other people's shoes...as long as they're wearing the same shoes.

In conversations about police brutality and murder of Black people, some Trump supporters will push the message that Black people will not be harmed as long as they act obedient with the police.

They say this, because it is very likely that this is what they have been taught. This is what they've seen on TV and movies. And this is what they have experienced.

Those of us with light skin have learned that if we are polite with the police, the worst that will happen to us is we'll get a ticket. We might even get off with just a lecture.  

Well, I'm talking about with things like speeding or running through a stop sign. Hopefully, politeness wouldn't easily get us out of a murder, rape or robbery charge.  Though if we're white, have that superficial charm skill going for us, and can afford a really good lawyer....hey, who knows what we can get away with.

When it comes to Black people, politeness and obedience doesn't guarantee they'll come out of the situation alive.  

And then there's the question of whether it's possible to be perfectly polite and obedient when you're terrified.

When I was driving, I was very scared and nervous about the police. And it was simply just for the threat of being scolded. It was about shame and embarrassment. 

I didn't worry about the police killing me or severely injuring me. I didn't even worry about them giving me a little pinch. 

I can't remember exactly how I behaved when the police did stop me. But I imagine I wasn't perfectly, wonderfully poised. My voice probably shook. I probably looked shifty...guilty. I probably acted like someone who had pounds of cocaine hidden in my trunk. Or a dead body.

Now...what if all my life I had seen stories on the news about police shooting unarmed Jewish women? What if my parents warned me to be careful of the police, because they killed Jewish women and were often not fired and very rarely prosecuted?

What if they gave me instructions on how to behave, so the police are less likely to kill me, but from what I've seen and heard, it seems even if I try to follow those instructions, I might still be murdered.

Then I would probably be very flustered.

I'd probably fail to clearly hear the instructions of the police. I would probably be making mistakes, because being terrified makes it hard to listen and follow directions.

In a split second, I might decide that justice doesn't work in favor of people like me...and I might go into flight or fight mode.  

Is it understandable for a police officer to become nervous when a Black person goes into flight or fight mode?

Certainly. And maybe they go into fight or flight mode as well.

BUT I would hope that they'd be strong enough and trained well enough, and.....

Psychologically fit enough....

Well, I would think they could use some cool Ninja moves to restrain and calm the person in custody rather than shoot someone seven times or kneel on someone's neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds.

I'm being generous, though, with the fight or flight mode thing. I think in most cases it's more likely racism plus looking for excuses to kill a Black person plus knowing that it's quite likely they'll get away with it. They can bully. They can murder. They can terrorize. They can brutalize. And the police union, President Trump, and Trump supporters will have THEIR back.

Although...HOPEFULLY that will be less the case for now on.  Well, it's still the case that Trump, his supporters, and the police union will be sympathetic towards the police who brutalize and murder. But hopefully, the opposition to all of that and all of them is getting stronger and stronger. 

When Lily refused the peanut butter cookies, no one in the classroom spoke up for her. And where was the teacher? Why didn't she intervene?  And why the hell were peanut butter cookies allowed in a classroom with a deathly allergic child in the first place?  

Elizabeth might never change. She might always be small-minded. She might always lack empathy. 

Or maybe with pressure and guidance, she might change. She might learn about peanut allergies. She might even become an advocate for those suffering from allergies. Maybe she'll be inspired by her childhood experience to become an allergist.

Who knows.

But let's say, she doesn't change. She remains a pushy little brat. Well, what I'd hope is that, if this is the case, she'd be the one marginalized by the teacher, her classmates, and the anti-peanut rules...instead of Lily being the marginalized one.  

In the same way, I hope Trump supporters, with their lack of empathy and willing ignorance regarding the unfairness and danger of our justice system, become more and more marginalized by society. I hope they become a pathetic quiet whisper drowned out by the roar of progressive change.  

Anyway....

I just wanted to add some links to videos that have helped me better understand things regarding the police, police brutality, feelings towards the police, etc.

1. Copaganda-How Cop Shows Lie to You...from the Daily Show

2. Why did the Police Shoot Jacob Blake from the Daily Show. 

3. The Hero Cop Trope-A Controversial History from The Take 

4. Police: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.  (And let me just add that I was cruelly prejudiced against John Oliver until seeing this video. But now my anti-John Oliver feelings have melted away). 

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts 

Five Dollars for a Giant Pink Donut

Last night I dreamed....

I'm working with a computer program that lets you create stories using Family Guy characters at an amusement park. 

I'm planning on doing a scene that has similarities to the boat scene in Willy Wonka. I consider using Puck's soliloquy from A Midsummers Night's Dream.  I'm wondering if I should write the monologue in italics.

Then I end up with a log ride, which I'm not sure what would work for my boat scene.

And then...I feel like I'm actually on the log ride. I lose interest in creating a story and become more interested in using the program as a sort of virtual reality.  I swim underwater and look at leaves, noting that I can breathe underwater.

After that, I walk around. I stop at a donut stand. They have huge donuts the size of my head. The woman working there isn't very friendly, and there's a sign warning that all sales are final.  

I order a donut, learning that it costs five dollars. Despite there being different flavors, she doesn't ask what type I want.  She just hands me a pink donut.

I leave the stand and begin to eat. The donut no longer looks like a donut. It's like the program couldn't keep up the imagery. Now it's just layers of brown dough. It tastes sweet but dull.  

The Family Guy thing was a big random. I don't watch that show.  But I've been reading bits and pieces of screenplays, and that's one that I looked at.  Although that was weeks ago. 

I guess the pink donut is a reference to The Simpsons.

I think, though, that my main reason for having the dream is this idea I've had since the pandemic began. Why aren't we working harder on making Ready Player One a reality????

I was preaching about that in the spring. And I started again this week with the colleges opening.  Why isn't anyone creating a massive virtual university; one with classes, dorms, parties, clubs, etc. 

Would it work? 

I'm not sure. 

I haven't had much experience with multiplayer games or experiences.

I played a few Minecraft games. But it didn't go beyond games. There was no real conversation or socializing. 

And I know colleges already have a lot that is virtual. A lot of classes are virtual. And thanks to online groups/apps, Jack already had a fairly rich college social life, before even getting on the actual campus and meeting his fellow students in person. 

Would it be worth it to have an extensive online college experience with pretend dorms, pretend roommates, pretend coffee shops, pretend cafeterias, etc...and real classes? 

A part of me can't picture it working. I picture professors trying to teach via virtual classrooms, but then all the little avatars don't want to stay. They want to jump around the virtual world—playing, chatting, and exploring.

But, in a way, regular college is like that too. 

I was talking to Tim about that yesterday.  College is supposed to be about the classes and the degree. But when I look back to my college days, the classes feel kind of like the subplot.    

Pushing Politics on the Kids at Camp Wak-n-Hak

Yesterday, in the car, Tim and I reminisced about the Cystic Fibrosis camp we both volunteered at. I still remember and miss the kids in my cabin. From over thirty years ago!!!!

Anyway...then last night I dreamed about the camp.

I'm watching an old video of the camp. Nancy (a CF volunteer) and a CF mom are in the room with me. I see myself talking to a child. The child and I are chanting something about being politically on the right, and we also chant some anti-left stuff.

I'm quite surprised to learn that past-me was right-winged. I get the idea that, back then, I associated the right with being wholesome and the left with drugs.  

 I'm also surprised that I was talking about politics with a camper. I'm thinking that the camp spent a lot of energy training us to do CF treatments but that they should have also taught us not to talk politics with the campers.

I want to make sure I heard what I thought I heard on the video, but it's hard for me to concentrate because Nancy and the CF mom are talking. 

I can understand why I dreamed about camp...since we were just talking about it.  Not only that, but I have videos I took at camp, and I've been longing to watch them lately. I probably haven't watched it in over twenty years.  They've been calling out to me.

Oh! I think I know why.

One year, for our cabin skit, we did a Twilight Zone thing.  A young girl named Passha played the part of Rod Serling. So since we've been watching the Twilight Zone, I think that has been making me think of the skit, Passha, camp, etc.

As for the right-wing stuff....

I couldn't understand that at first. But while writing the post, I realized it's probably because I've become a fan of The Lincoln Project. They're a group of conservatives fighting passionately against Trump. I enjoy their stuff on Instagram and Twitter, and I've gone to two of their Zoom presentations. The last one was very enlightening and helpful to me. 

I'm wondering if there is a tiny subconscious part of me that's wondering (worrying)...if I spend too much time with this Lincoln Project, will I end up conservative? Although really...it feels like people of The Lincoln Project are more moving towards the left than they are moving me towards the right.  I've never encountered anything from the Lincoln Project that has made me think, Well, I'm glad they've joined the fight against Trump. I just wish they didn't believe....

I feel, for the most, part we're really on the same page about...pretty much everything.  I mean they might not be totally behind things like universal health care. But neither is everyone on the left. 

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts 

First Time Using a Public Bathroom Since March

We dropped Jack off at college today.

And when I say "dropped off" I mean that almost literally.

It was a super hot day in Texas today. I think it got up to 107?

I ended up having to pee on the ride there.

I didn't want to pee in Jack's dorm, because I wouldn't want to know that a bunch of random parents and siblings were peeing in Jack's new bathroom. So I didn't want to do the same to anyone else. I mean it's bad enough sharing a bathroom with other students during a PANDEMIC. But worse to have to share with their family members as well.

I had Tim drop me off at the university center.

I went to the bathroom, realizing this is the first time I've been in a public restroom since the pandemic began.  The thought made me feel proud. Yeah, Dina! You're so good at social distancing!!!  

It also made me feel horribly privileged. 

The funny thing is, I think the last time I went to a public restroom....it might have been at the university. The last big outing we went on before the pandemic began was on March 7. We went to an event a the college and then we went out to dinner with my parents and my cousin.  There's a chance I went to the bathroom at the restaurant, but I don't remember doing so. 

Anyway.....

The restroom in the university center was pretty gross.

I mean, it wasn't a horror show.

But I would have hoped they'd keep it extra clean during the pandemic.

Which makes me feel conflicted. Because extra clean means extra hours and work for the custodians—extra time and chances for them to risk their lives.

After I did my business, I went to wash my hands.

I then saw that they didn't have lovely touchless paper towel dispensers.

Instead they have those super strong air blowers. I didn't use, because I vaguely remembered that those are not good for helping to remove germs.  I looked it up on the way home and saw that my vague memories were correct.

Tim and I have been fighting the school a lot about their Covid response. The hand blowers was just another thing to add to our angers. Although it's minor to other things....such as requiring Freshman to stay on campus and have a roommate; allegedly threatening to fire staff for complaining to the media about their concerns; and scaring/guilting students who have chosen to take a gap year.  

 

Anyway, back to my story.

I had this idea that I'd go the bathroom and quickly make it back to the dorm to help them unload the car.

That didn't work out well.

I had no idea where I was going. And there were none of those lovely little signs that some places have...with the arrows pointing you in the right direction.

I had to use Google Maps and my compass on my iPhone.  With the combination of the extreme heat, my stupidity, and dropping-your-kid-off-to-college nervousness, I forgot how to use Google Maps.

I kept going in the wrong direction.

By the time I got there, Tim, Jack, and the new roommate had brought up all the stuff. Jack and the roommate were ready for us to get out of there, so they could go to lunch to meet a friend.

It was a VERY quick goodbye. 

We had planned to help him unpack a bit...mostly so we could take back some of the stuff such as boxes and suitcases.

But....my bladder ruined that.

Well, because if I hadn't had to pee, I could have helped them unload. Then we'd probably have time to quickly dump stuff out before the lunch date.  

Anyway....

Hopefully, Tim and I will be wrong. Hopefully a miracle will happen and the university will defy biology. The students will stay healthy and not pass on Covid 19 to to their family members and the community.

OR hopefully the powers-that-be will have the good sense to close down the school when it comes to that point, AND hopefully they will offer housing and meal plan refunds.

What I fear is they will try to suppress cases as much as possible...just so they can keep the school open and not lose more money.

I mean I DO feel for them, and I worry that all these institutions are losing money. I'm not sure what's going to happen to higher education. I imagine there will be a lot of bankruptcies and closures.  And that's going to be horrible for the communities as well. 

But I still think that, when it comes down to it, keeping people alive and healthy needs to be the top priority.  Living people...survivors...can later work to reopen that which had to close....and/or they can work to rebuild and innovate.  

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts 

Comparing Texas to Countries in Terms of Covid 19

I'm looking at the fun World Meters site. 

I decided I'm going to compare Texas to countries around the world...mostly in terms of Covid 19 but also a little bit of other stuff. 

I'll start with population.

Texas has a population of 29 million.

The countries that also have 29 million people are Nepal and Yemen. 

The population of Fort Worth, the city we live in is 895, 000.

The countries that come closest to that are Fiji at 897,000 and Reunion at 896,000.

Where is Reunion???

Ah...It's a French Island in the Indian ocean. 

The population density of Texas is 109.9 residents per square mile. 

The closest countries...or territories. I think Reunion is a territory.

I get confused about these things.

But anyway, this isn't about Reunion.  I'm past that.

The PLACES with population density similar to Texas is Columbia at 105 people per square mile. And Lithuania at 111 per square mile.

And I'm pretty sure both those places are countries. 

I'm ashamed, though, to say I've forgotten where Lithuania is. I'm leaning towards Africa or Europe.

I feel so stupid.

Okay...Lord Wiki says it's in Europe.

It's one of those Baltic countries I rarely pay attention to.  

Now I'm going to get to the Coronavirus stuff.

Texas has about 533,000 cases. 

That number is close to equaling the population of the Maldives (542,000). 

The two countries that have close to 533,000 cases are Peru (499,000) and and South Africa (569,000).

I've been reading fantastic blog posts about Peru—tourism related not Covid 19.  

Yesterday Texas had 6300 new cases.

The countries that come closest to that are Russia (5100) and Mexico (6700).

Texas has had a total of 9200 deaths.

The country that comes closest to that is Germany. They too have had 9200 deaths.

Texas had 225 new deaths yesterday.

The country that comes closet to that is South Africa and Peru again—259 and 212. So we are alike in number of cases and alike in number of deaths yesterday. 

Texas has 18,000 cases per million. The country closest to that is Panama. They have 17,900 cases per million.

Although I rounded up a lot with Texas.

Texas actually has 18,300 cases million.

As for deaths per million, Texas is at 318 per million.

The country closest to that is Bolivia at 322 per million.  

Now I'm looking at Tarrant County...where we live.

We have close to 35,000 cases. 

The countries that come closest to that are Morocco (37,000) and Azerbaijan (34,000).

We've had 434 deaths. 

The countries that come closest to that are Bosnia (458) and Cameroon (401).

Oh!

I forgot to look at tests for Texas.

Texas has had 4.5 million tests.

Canada has also done 4.5 million tests.

They have more people than us—37 million compared to our 29 million. 

So we're actually doing better test-wise than them.

But still.

I prefer Canada to Texas.

Probably.

I've never been there before.

But most of my TV shows are filmed there.

AND they are helping all those poor women escape from Gilead.

AND.....

They have better healthcare.

AND....

Trump is not their president. 

Also, Canada has less Covid cases than us (121,000 compared to our 533,000).  

We both have about the same amount of deaths. Texas-9200 and Canada-9000.

Though yesterday, Canada had only 15 deaths.

Texas had 225.

So all in all, I'd say Canada is doing better.

Testing in Texas

Every morning I read the news on my Washington Post app and also look at their United States Covid statistics. 

One thing I've been noticing is Texas is not doing well in testing lately.

The past few weeks, our percent positive rate had been going down. Now it wasn't going down to the decent number that says, Yay! Y'all did good. You can go back to school now!  But it was getting lower.

I'm looking at the stats now. 

So....

In the middle of June, we had a positivity rate of about 6-7 percent. That seems really good compared to what we'd have later...and now.

By the end of June, we were in the 13-14 percent range.

It kept rising.

In the middle of July, we were in a 16-17 percent range.

Then it started going down.

By the end of July, we were back to about 12-13 percent. 

On August 1, we started rising again.

And we keep going up and up.

The Texas dashboard, I'm looking at now, says our positivity rate on August 10 was 24%. 

Oh! The Washington Post says the same thing. I thought they had a lower number. But maybe after I read it this morning, they updated the info.  

24% is awfully high.

A high positivity rate means you have a lot of people with the virus or you're not testing enough.  OR it could be both.

I'm guessing with Texas, it's both.

But I KNOW we're not testing enough.

Looking at the Washington Post's stats for the last 7 days.

California has done the most tests—881,000. New York has done the second most—487,000.

The most populous state after California is Texas NOT NewYork. So Texas should have the next highest number of tests after California.

But we don't. 

Five other states have had more tests than Texas: California, New York, Illinois, Florida, and Georgia. 

Texas has done only 204,000 tests in the last 7 days 

The question is WHY is testing so shitty here?

Do we not have enough tests?

Do we not have enough of what's needed to process the tests?

Or are there powerful people following the Donald Trump idea that more testing makes a place look bad? And if that's the case...is it working for some people? 

Are there people looking at our case count and thinking...hey, we've been doing better lately? Do they ignore the positivity rate and just look at the case counts?

Although, we really aren't looking good in terms of new cases.

In terms of case counts for the last 7 days, Texas is doing the third worse.

California has had 50,000 new cases.

Florida has had 48,000 new cases.

Texas has had 41,000 new cases.

BUT.....

I'm betting if Texas came in second in terms of number of tests done, they'd probably be coming in first or second with new cases.

In terms of new deaths for the past 7 days, we come in first.

We've had 1213 deaths, Florida has had 1147.

I'm looking back at tests to see the totals rather than the last 7 days.

In terms of that, things are less shameful. We come in third.  New York comes before us. It makes sense, though, because New York had the huge outbreak earlier. 

No...I'm wrong.

I hear Tim arguing with me in my head.

And Tim-in-my head would be right.

If Texas had been doing as much testing as New York back in the early days of the pandemic, then we would have likely escaped all the cases and deaths we ended up having.

And even though, New York has been doing much better lately—less new deaths and less new cases, they are still doing a ton of tests. 

Texas has a larger population than New York. Texas has a bigger current outbreak than New York. But New York is doing more testing. 

Texas has a positivity rate of 24%.

New York has a positivity rate of 1%.

Texas has 7200 people hospitalized with Covid. New York has 540.

Texas has had 40,733 (known!) new cases of Covid in the last 7 days. New York has had 3800.

Now I have Trump supporting family members arguing with me in my brain.

They're loudly declaring that New York has had close to 30,000 deaths and it's all the fault of the awful Democratic governor and mayor.

Texas has had only 8700 deaths.

What I would say to them is let's not boast about our low death numbers until this is all over.

Although that being said....the same goes for New York.

Things are much better there now.

But I'm starting to understand there are no definite successes or uplifting finales in this Covid story.  What's going well today can be a whole different story in the near future.

 

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts 

Ben Isn't Dead

I've come to expect tragic things to happen to Australian TV characters. And usually it comes in the form of motor vehicle related.

Really. Australian TV people need to just stop driving. Cars need to be outlawed. Anything with wheels, really.

So...some days ago, I saw Ben (Brian Vriends) get injured when some awful teens threw rocks into his ambulance.

I expected him to die.

To my surprise, he didn't.

And his CAT scan came out clear! Miracle of miracles.

Then....in the episode I watched today,  Ben suddenly went unconscious while driving the ambulance. It turns out his brain was slowly bleeding.

I thought about how of course, they couldn't give the poor guy a break.

And they couldn't give me a break.

Now I have something to add to my things to be paranoid about.  If someone bumps their head, gets a CAT scan, and is fine for weeks....I still have to worry that they have a slow growing brain bleed.

Shit.

But....

Maybe I won't worry so much.

Because Ben survived!

Towards the end of the episode, his partner (Conrad Coleby) and his girlfriend Bron (Libby Tanner) stand at his bed chatting cheerfully away. Ben looks out of it. I was thinking, okay. Here we go. He may be alive, but he's severely brain damaged. Or he has amnesia with a drastic personality change.

A personality change would be tragic when it comes to Ben, because he has a really great personality.

But anyway...to my pleasant surprise, Ben started talking. He seems fine.

Now what I'm worried about is a McLeod's Daughter type situation.  In that, Tess (Bridie Carter) had a major breast cancer scare. She ended up being okay. And then her sister (Lisa Chappell) died in a terrible, terrifying accident. 

The lesson that show taught me is to NEVER be overly relieved and/or happy about a negative test result. 

Ben doesn't have a brother or sister that I know of. But I'm expecting that now something awful will happen to Bron.  

Shot in the Tuchus

Yesterday I had another case of The Last Ship and The Twilight Zone synchronocity. 

In one of the last three episodes of season 2 of The Last Ship, Tex (John Pyper-Ferguson) gets shot in the butt.

Later at night, Tim and I watched The Twilight Zone. We watched the time traveling episode "The Last Flight".  In this, Lt. Decker (Kenneth Haigh) talks about how his flying corp partner Mackaye (Robert Warwick) has the nickname Leadbottom, because he was once shot in the butt. 

It's not like it's common for me to encounter stories with people being shot in the ass. To see it in one day seems like quite a coincidence.

Is the universe trying to send me a message?

Probably.

Will I ever figure out what that message is?

Probably not.

So....

I think I may be over my strong aversion to even-the-idea-of hugging people.  In The Last Ship (spoilers in the next paragraph, so skip if you're planning to watch the show).....

They create a vaccine/cure for the virus that is spread contagiously rather than by injection. Well, some people get an injection; then they spread it to others by NOT practicing social distancing. The catch is, the people are only cure-contagious for a few days, and they can only be injected with the contagiousness once.  It's a one shot deal. So they need to get close and personal with as many people as they can. There's a scene of a crowd of people shaking hands, hugging, and sharing water with strangers. Instead of making me cringe or terrified, it made me very emotional. 

In other TV news.....

After finishing season 2 of The Last Ship, I used Random.org to pick my next show.  It's season 3 of the Canadian version of McLeod's Daughters—Heartland.  It's been a long time since I've watched that show. I hope I'm on the right season. I know I watched season 1 and 2. I'm pretty sure I haven't yet watched season 3.  If I have, hopefully I'll recognize that fact quickly, so I can get to the right season sooner rather than later.

First, though, I'm going to finish watching season 4 of All Saints. I've been watching that here and there for the last couple months.

Tim and I have put Doctor Who on hold. Before my excuse was that I was getting attached to The Twilight Zone.  But now I'm less attached, and I saw that season 5 of Fear the Walking Dead is available on Hulu. So we're going to watch that...after we finish season 1 of The Twilight Zone.

I don't think I'm in the right place to watch Doctor Who.

With Jack going off to college, I feel I'm need something that's going to NOT cause me even more emotional ups and downs.  When we watched it a few years ago, I felt like I was on such a roller coaster: I love this Doctor. I'm going to hate the next one. I don't even think I'm going to watch it anymore. Oh never mind. I love this doctor. I'm so glad they switched. But crap, he's going to leave too. And I KNOW I won't like the next one.....

And then there's the companions. I think it took me two or three seasons to get over Rose (Billie Piper) being gone. 

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-beloved to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts 

Travis Van Winkle Looks Familar

Yesterday I had another one of my useless psychic moments.

I was watching an episode of The Last Ship when suddenly Travis Van Winkle looked very familar to me.

Well, he SHOULD look familar to me, because he's one of the stars of the show, and I'm already on season 2.

But no.

I suddenly got this idea that he was on another show I've watched. I had a vague feeling it was Hart of Dixie. 

So...I went to check.

And guess what.

He WAS on Hart of Dixie.

Except he doesn't come on until the middle of season 2.

I've seen only season 1.

And I don't think I've watched any previews or behind the scenes stuff regarding season 2. I don't think I've even watched behind the scenes stuff for season 1. 

Anyway, I tend to have these moments.

It seems pretty psychic. But also...very pointless.

I think the most logical explanation is a multi-verse type of thing...one in which worlds sometimes bleed into each other. So Dina in another one of the worlds has already seen season 2 of Hart of Dixie. Her memories bled into my brain, and that's why I had that recognition feeling.

The other explanation is that IMDb made a mistake and that Travis Van Winkle actually did appear in season 1. But I doubt it, because his character's last name is Breeland. I definitely remember the Breeland family, but I don't remember his character (Jonah Breeland). Though it is possible, I've just forgotten. 

Hopelessnes

Today I was thinking that there are two types of hopelessness.

In the first, we really want something. We long for it. We wish for it. No matter how unlikely it is, we're at least a tiny bit optimistic that it could happen.

But then something happens to turn our optimism into pessimism or realism.

In the second, we go into a state of blah. We realize we don't have anything we really want. We try to imagine our past wishes coming true. And when we imagine it...it's kind of like...well, who cares. That doesn't sound so great after all.

I've personally had both feelings before. I guess most people have. Probably.

What are the solutions?

I think with the first, we grieve over the loss and then wait for something new to excite us.

In the second, we wait to lose that feeling of blah. And in the meantime, we do that whole thing of taking one day at a time. I think it also helps to find small things to enjoy. Like a good book or TV show...trying to finish a video game. Stuff like that.

Yasmeen Calls Geoff from Prison

This morning I watched a very satisfying scene on Coronation Street.  I think a lot of viewers have been waiting for it for a long time.

Yasmeen (Shelley King) finally and firmly comes to terms with the fact that her husband Geoff (Ian Bartholomew) is abusive and that she's been a victim of his abuse.

She's entertained the idea before. A few people have tried to tell her that Geoff is a horrible person. On multiple occasions, Yasmeen's granddaughter Ayla (Sair Khan) has tried to get Yasmeen to see the light. A few times, Yasmeen had started opening up the idea. But she would shut it down, believing Geoff's victimhood narrative of Alya always being out to get him.  

One of the number one tricks in an abuser's playbook is to get his victim and bystanders to believe that HE himself is the one who is abused.  

But no more.

Hopefully.

What finally turns the tide for Yasmeen is a visit from one of Geoff's exes. She visits Yasmeen in prison and reveals that she went through the same abuse Yasmeen went through. Yasmeen isn't at all receptive. She stands by her man. The visiter takes it in stride and simply suggests that Yasmeen go to the prison library and read about coercive control.

Yasmeen must have found a very well-written and convincing book. Because that book manages to do what Ayla and the prison visiter couldn't do.

Anyway, I wanted to write down the dialogue between Geoff and Yasmeen.  Because it's brilliant and satisfying. And I'll probably comment on it as I transcribe.

Geoff: Hello?

Yasmeen: Hi Geoff!

She's cheerful even though she has wickedness up her sleeve. 

Playing mind games with people isn't a nice thing to do. But playing mind games with an abuser? That has to be excused....and maybe even enjoyed.

Geoff: Boy am I glad you called. You're on the naughty phone?

Naughty phone refers to the phone being a prison cell phone—contraband.

Now if Geoff wasn't an abuser, I think he'd just be making a silly, private joke. But since he IS an abuser, I think his little comment is a dig at Yasmeen. He says it lightheartedly, but it's an attempt at reminding her that SHE is naughty. Obedient, well behaved women don't deserve to be abused. But naughty women who use no-no phones?  That's a different story. 

Yasmeen: Yes, I probably shouldn't stay long.

She's still being quite pleasant.

Now I think all this pleasantness might be partly revenge mind games. But mostly, I think the writers are playing games with the viewer. We're led to believe that Yasmeen is still hooked by Geoff. I think this is so we're more surprised when the phone call goes the other way.

Yasmeen-How are you doing?

Geoff: How do you think I'm doing? I'm lost without you. I feel like my right arm is being cut off. And my left.

That would be maybe romantic if it wasn't coming from an abuser.

But with abusers, when they say stuff like that, it's either love bombing or hoovering.  Love bombing is what abusers do to first reel in their victim. Hoovering is what abusers do to their victims when their victims start walking away.

Geoff: And someone's feeding me mashed up rubbish to keep me alive.

This is in reference to Geoff's son recently being kind enough to bring over a meal to Geoff. 

I wonder if this would be a trigger for Yasmeen. Because part of Geoff's abuse was hating on Yasmeen's cooking, severely limiting how much she was able to buy at the grocery store, killing her favorite hen and feeding it to Yasmeen.....

Yasmeen: It's not a barrel of laughs here either.

Geoff: Well, I'm sure. But at least you know I'm doing all that I can to get you back home. How lucky are you. 

He doesn't show any sign of interest in what Yasmeen is actually going through. A narcissist rarely cares. The important thing to them is what THEY'RE doing to fix things. Narcissists may lack emotional empathy, but they love playing hero. And they thrive on getting credit for it.  

 

Yasmeen: I'm the luckiest woman alive.

I think this is where I knew Yasmeen had some tricks up her sleeve; not just because of her ridiculous hyperbole but also because of her tone...which is hard to describe.

Geoff: It's a nightmare isn't it.

Yasmeen: What is? 

Geoff: Trials. Tribulations. This whole thing is.....

Yasmeen: Heartbreaking?

Geoff: Massively inconvenient for me. 

I would call this...maybe de-hoovering?

I think what happens is an abuser becomes bored with the hoovering, They get bored playing Mr. Nice Guy. So they start throwing in little digs.

Geoff verbally abused Yasmeen; threatened her with a knife. Out of despair and fear, she attacked him and is now in prison. And to Geoff, it's all just inconvenient.

Well, re-listening to that line.

It's not just a dig...as in a basic insult.

It's also a guilt trip. It's manipulative.

It's a reminder to Yasmeen that her presence in Geoff's life is a burden.

Yasmeen: Is it?

Geoff: Oh no. I didn't mean that to sound self-centered. It's just...How can I put this? It almost feels like I'm the one in the spotlight. Unassuming Mr. Cellophane me.

Poor, Poor Geoff.

It REALLY gets to me when people like him play victim.  I hate the whole mask of I'm-such-a-gentle-innocent-person-what-kind-of-monster-would-want-to-hurt-me?

Yasmeen-You know, I'll be home...soon.  By your side. Just you and me. Dream Team. 

Geoff: You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that. 

Yasmeen: I sometimes wonder why I was put on this planet. And the only reason I can come up with is—

Geoff: To make me happy?

It's pretty ugly and self-centered to imagine that someone else on the planet exists solely for our happiness. But it's even worse when that happiness tends to come from the sadistic satisfaction of causing psychological and/or physical suffering.

Geoff: I love you so much.

Silence....

Geoff: And this is where you say it back to me, Dear?

More silence.

Not awkward. But cold....

Geoff: Yasmeen? Are you still there?  Yas?!

Yasmeen: Oh shut up, Geoff.

Yay, Jasmine!

Hearing that was so good for my soul.

I'm kind of re-thinking things.

I thought Yasmeen was playing mind games in the beginning of the conversation; that the book had fully converted her, and she was just waiting to strike.

But maybe what really happened is the book made her think and question. Maybe she was still on the fence but no longer ignorant about emotional, manipulative abuse. Maybe Yasmeen needed to talk to Geoff one more time to get confirmation on the fact that he was what her granddaughter, Geoff's ex, and the book had been trying to tell her.

Yasmeen: I had a visit today.

Geoff: Oh. That's nice. Or wasn't it?

Yasmeen: Illuminating.

Geoff: Was it a traveling torch salesman?

It took me a second to get that. I thought it was some kind of subtle insult. But now I see that it was just a corny joke in response to Yasmeens "illuminating".  Geoff prides himself on being a harmless, dopey, caring man who likes to make corny jokes. That's the persona he tries (and often succeeds in) trying to project.

Yasmeen: You always think you're so funny. Don't you?

Geoff: Yeah.

Yasmeen: When in reality, you are as funny as a car crash.

Geoff: Who was it Yasmeen?

Yasmeen: I had a visit from a woman who said.

Geoff: Said what?

Yasmeen: She said she knew you. Said she'd been in a relationship with you.

Geoff: Who?

Yasmeen: And that you controlled and abused her the same way you did me.

Geoff: I asked you who it was?  

This kind of reminds me of Jonathan Swan asking Trump about the mystery people that Trump kept bringing up in the conversation. But Swan's questions actually have merit. He's like saying...if you're going to vaguely bring up people who agree with your outlandish shit, you need to back it up with specifics.

In contrast, Geoff is demanding to know who, so he can either potentially harm the whistleblower OR try to manipulate Yasmeen into believing the whistleblower is untrustworthy. 

Geoff: You can't bandy those accusations around. On an illegal phone I might add.  Without telling me who you're actually talking about.

Yes. He brings up the illegal phone again.

Let's remind Yasmeen that she does bad things. 

I love how Yasmeen replies (below)

Yasmeen: Well you should know who it is. Shouldn't you? 

Geoff: Should I?

Yasmeen: Unless she's one of many. Like me. A list as long as your arm.

Geoff: You're unbelievable.

Abusive people will rarely give up attempting to get their victim to believe that the victim is the one that's problematic.  

Yasmeen: You lied to me. Didn't you? 

Geoff: About what?

Yasmeen: About those exes. And how they treated you.

Yeah. Okay. I didn't give the full story above. Geoff doesn't paint himself just as the harmless, dopey, caring man who makes corny jokes. He's also the harmless, dopey, caring, silly man who suffered abuse from his exes. Poor, Poor Geoff.

Yasmeen: How they bullied you. Belittled you. Made you feel worthless. 

Geoff: You really are quite something. Aren't you. 

Yasmeen: I believed you. And all the time, you were projecting. 

Geoff: I thought you loved me.

Yasmeen: I did.

I am so thankful she spoke in the past tense.

Yasmeen: In fact. Dear Reader. I married him.

Geoff: And yet you'll believe some random woman's word over mine.

Yasmeen: Correct!

Now I think Geoff's fighting words WOULD have merit if they were in the pre-abuse stage. If a person comes up to us and tells us our darling partner abused them, how do we know that person is telling the truth?  How do we know that it wasn't our partner that was abused and now their ex is trying to further abuse them by turning their new partner against them?  

I'm not saying we should reject warnings. But we should listen to them with an open-mind. We shouldn't dismiss them but nor should we take them as gospel.

If we've already experienced the same abuse, though? That's a totally different story. If we're already seeing it for ourselves...yes, we should definitely believe it.

Geoff: So I was right. Or...Or was I? 

Yasmeen: What are you on about now?

Geoff: No, no, no. I was wrong. Because you're actually more stupid than I thought you were.

The hoovering is officially over.

Yasmeen: You manipulated me. And I fell for it. But I shan't again.  I will never...EVER go back to you again. And even if I'm found guilty, it will be a good result. Because I shan't ever have to go to bed with you.

Yeah. I think the prison of Weatherfield is a much better place to be than at home with Geoff.

Geoff is the real prison.

Yasmeen: And if I'm not guilty, then the same.

Geoff: Well, if that's the way you want to play it. 

Yasmeen: It is.

Geoff: Your choice, bitch.

Yasmeen: Oh. How charming.

Geoff: But just remember this. 

Yasmeen: What?

Geoff: Get used to the view from your window. Because you're going to be in that prison for a very long time! 

The conversation loses a lot written down on my blog.

The actors definitely add a huge bunch to it.

Let me see...if the scene has been uploaded to YouTube.  

Well, in looking for that, I just noticed that I've been spelling Yasmeen's name wrong this whole time. I'm hoping that isn't the case for past posts. But I'm afraid it probably is. 

I'm going to go through and try to change most of those. 

Okay, did that.

I feel better now.

And apologies to Yasmeen for messing up her name so many times. If it's not bad enough, she's had to deal with Geoff. It's like I've been throwing more salt into her wounds. 

The good news is, Coronation Street has uploaded the scene to YouTube. It's much better to see and hear it than just read it. 

Well...I just started watching. Unfortunately, it's not the whole conversation. It skips the pleasantries in the beginning and begins with I had a visit today....

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts 

  

Watching More of Jonathan Swan's Interview with Trump

Last night I started watching Jonathan Swan's interview with Trump. I had decided to turn my experience into a blog post, because I had learned from Jack that Swan is Australian.

This used to be an Australian blog.

I sometimes miss blogging about Australian stuff.

So that's why I decided to write a post. Well...and also I think writing can be therapeutic.  I think a LOT of us need some kind of therapy after or while we're listening to Trump speak. 

Back to the subject of Australians....

Another Australian I've been introduced to lately is Rod Taylor. He was in the Twilight Zone episode we watched the other night—"And When the Sky Opened". I read through his biography this morning. Then I added some of his movies to my to-watch list. But I'll probably never get to them, because my to-watch list is way too long.

Speaking of to-watch stuff. We were going to take a break from The Twilight Zone after season one and start watching Doctor Who. But now I'm getting really into The Twilight Zone. Tim and I just discussed it, and I think we're going to go ahead and...well, NOT go ahead with watching Doctor Who. But we'll get to it someday, Probably. 

Anyway....I should get back to Jonathan Swan's interview with Trump.

Swan moves away from the Covid 19 discussion and dives into the topic of Russians putting a bounty on American soldiers.  Swan asks if Trump discussed this with Putin during their recent phone call.

Nope. They did not talk about it. The call was for different purposes.

What bullshit. 

And then Trump says many people say it's fake news.

Bringing imaginary people into the conversation to back you up is a manipulation technique.

Well....if it's real people, then I think we call it triangulation; whether it's true or not that the person, brought up, truly agrees with the manipulator. 

I'm not sure what it's called when the people are unnamed or imaginary. 

Swan does his thing of asking who these unnamed people are.

Trump says it's lots of people.

He does actually get specific, saying it's people from the Bush administration.

A lot of people from the Bush administration.  Or like...one or two? Or...zero?

Trump tries to change the subject by complaining that no one brings up China. They all want to talk about Russia. And when he says this, he repeats the word "Russia" three times. Is this like a Candyman or Bloody Mary type of thing? 

Maybe Beetlejuice?

Is Trump hoping that Putin will appear and vanquish Jonathan Swan? 

Trump says the intelligence about bounties never reached his desk.

Okay. Let's pretend that this is true.

I think a decent president human being would be furious about this—furious that he wasn't told and furious at Russia for doing it.

Trump seems more preoccupied with his own ego.

Swan asks Trump if he reads his briefs.

Trump says he does. AND he adds that he comprehends really well, probably better than anyone else Swan has interviewed.

Oh my Lord.

Trump has done a cruel disservice to any comedian who does satire.  How can any of them compete with him?

My heart goes out to all the comedians. Fuck Trump for messing with their livelihoods.

Trump does some bragging about Afghanistan.

I wonder how long Trump has ever gone in a speech or interview without bragging.

Now I'm on the part about the elections. Swan brings up what Trump said in another interview; that Trump doesn't know if he'd accept the results of the election.

Trump compares his suggestion that he might not accept the results to Clinton complaining about 2016 results.

Swan tries to get Trump to understand that there's a difference between conceding and grumbling about election results and literally refusing to accept the results.

They get into the subject of voting by mail.

Trump says that in World War 1 and World War 2, people went out and voted. But now because of the CHINA virus, people want to vote by mail.

Hello?

I'm not an expert on American history, but.....

Were Americans trying to stay at home and social distance during the war?

Was there a daily s threat of bombs?

Were people worried that going to the polls would get them very sick or even kill them?

And you have to remember that in America, being severely ill doesn't just bring the threat of suffering, disability, or death. We also have to be terrified of going into severe financial hardship. 

Now they're on the subject of Ghislaine Maxwell.

It boggles my mind that there are people who believe that Trump is some kind of anti-child-sex trafficking superhero. For those who believe this, how do they reconcile with Trump sending well wishes to a woman arrested for alleged sex crimes?

Do they say it's fake news?

How?

Trump himself is seen and heard saying it.

Do they believe the videos out there are manipulated? 

Trump tries to paint himself as the type of person who wishes EVERYONE well. He's just so kindhearted. He even has sympathy for people arrested for sex crimes against children.

Yeah. Right.

I'd maybe believe it if I hadn't seen his venom against Obama, protesters, athletes kneeling during the national anthem....

Did he wish the Governor of Michigan well when anti-lock down protesters were threatening her life?

Fuck Trump.

And now....he goes into a rant about Antifa.

Why isn't Trump showing anti-fascist people the same TLC he offered Ghislaine Maxwell?

Next subject: racism.

Trump uses the time to brag on and on about how he has done more for Black people than any other president. And things were going so well for Black people until China brought on that virus.

If what Trump says truly had merit, we would see that in terms of the pandemic.

If Black people were doing better in terms of financial hardship and systemic racism, then they wouldn't be dying in disproportionate numbers. 

My feeling is narcissists don't care about how people are actually doing. What the narcissist does care about is the narcissist's  "good deeds, their achievements, and their accomplishments. Even if these things didn't actually make things better for the person they brag about helping. 

It's like, I did this for you! BE GRATEFUL! KISS MY ASS!

But I'm still not doing okay.

Well...I don't care about THAT!  The more important question is why aren't you showing me more gratitude. Why aren't you giving me the adoration I deserve?!

Jonathan Swan ends the interview by asking Trump about John Lewis.

Trump's main focus there is that Lewis didn't come to his inauguration. I think this is much more offensive to him than anything Ghislaine Maxwell might have done.

I will have to give Trump credit for how he ends the interview. Swan thanks him for the interview, and Trump does the same. Trump even says it's a great honor. Although he might have been saying it's a great honor for Swan.

By the way, here's something kind of weird.

I had to struggle to hear some of the interview at times. Well, don't worry. I'm not saying. I heard it incorrectly. I'm just saying I had to turn up the volume really loud.

Why? Our next door neighbor is having some trees cut down. And also, there was a weird loud wind chiming sound. I have no idea what that was.

But why is that weird?

Because last night, I dreamed that Tim and I heard loud noises coming from that same neighbor's yard. Then the neighbor came over and asked Tim to help him carry something. Tim and I were both worried about Tim injuring his back doing that.

Well, our neighbor hasn't come over to ask Tim to carry anything. But one of the tree cutters rang our doorbell to ask if they could work from our yard.

So...maybe that dream was a little psychic?

OR maybe they did some of this work yesterday, but I didn't notice it consciously...only subconsciously.

I don't know.....

I also had a psychic dream a week or so ago about The Big Bang Theory.

Maybe I'm suddenly growing psychic powers.

And MAYBE this is a precursor to me growing head-exploding powers. These days, that power would really come in handy. 

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts 

An Australian Interviews Trump

This morning, via The Washington Post, I read about the Axios interview with Trump.  Well, I read about a part of it—Trump not understanding Covid statistics. I became kind of obsessed—looking up the fatality rate stats. I actually used to look at those a lot but the past couple of months, I've been more focused on the per capita death rates.

Trump seems to think the United States is doing fabulous, because we're doing better than many countries in terms of case fatality rate. He tends to ignore the several countries doing better than us including Croatia, Chile, Norway, Zambia, Turkey, Japan, India, South Korea, Nigeria, South Africa, Russia, Kenya, Taiwan, New Zealand, Australia, Israel, Jordan, Iceland, Singapore, etc.

Later this afternoon, I was talking to Jack and he asked me if I had seen the Australian interviewing Trump. I said I hadn't and asked if it was the Axios interview. He said it was.

I decided I'd watch it.

And then I decided I'd do a post about it.

It's been a long time since I've written about anything Australian-related. I feel bad about that sometimes, because this blog used to be an Australia blog.

So...maybe first I'll look into the Australian interviewer. 

Jonathan Swan....

Lord Wiki says he was born on August 7. His birthday is in a few days!  He'll be turning 34. 

Happy Birthday to Jonathan Swan. 

I hope he doesn't spend his birthday recovering from nightmares about his interview with Trump.

I am pretty sure I'd have nightmares if I had to be in the same room with Trump...worse if I actually had to speak with him.

Swan's father is Norman Swan. Norman Swan is a physician, journalist, and broadcaster.  

Lord Wiki says Norman Swan was born into a Jewish family. The way he says that makes me feel that they're Jewish in lineage only. Maybe? Otherwise, I would think Lord Wiki would say something like Norman Swan is Jewish.

But....maybe not.

Anyway, I'm not going to do one of my old biography posts. Because I actually wanted to watch the interview.

I should maybe add that Jonathan Swan started his career in Canberra, and it seems his thing is being a political journalist.  He started working for Axios in December 2016 and has covered a lot of Trump shit.

I'm guessing he's probably had to talk to Trump before. It's impressive that he didn't end up having a nervous breakdown from the experience. 

Okay...going to watch the interview.

I had actually already started it before deciding to do the post.

Swan began by asking about Trump following the positivity philosophy. 

I didn't know Trump was into that.

I'm definitely NOT into that. 

Trump is actually somewhat hesitant about being connected to the philosophy.  He says he also thinks of the downside, because only a fool doesn't.

I kind of think Trump doesn't understand what Swan is referring to.

Swan seems to be referring to the....

I forgot what it's called.

I had to look it up.

The Law of Attraction.  If you want something and visualize it, the universe shall provide.

Trump seems to be thinking more in terms of glass full vs glass empty kind of positive thinking. 

Oh lord.

I'm only at 2:02 in the video, and it's already incredibly stupid.

Swan asks whether a positive attitude is the appropriate way of approaching a pandemic.

Trump says...blah, blah, blah, blah....then... I think we've done an incredible job between the ventilators and stopping very infected people from China coming. 

It may be true that some people have a higher viral load than others. But I'm pretty damn sure that the Trump administration didn't have some kind of method of determining who these particular people were.

By the time, Trump took advantage of the virus to play his favorite game of travel bans....I'm pretty sure the virus was part of the blood stream of tourists from all over the world. If it's true that the virus started in China....and I'm sure it probably did. From what I understand, people from China travel a LOT.  They're big into tourism. So by the time, we even vaguely knew about the virus, the virus was probably all over the world.

And as Tim repeatedly reminds me in his rants, A) Trump banned Chinese nationals coming in from China. He did not stop Americans from going to China; then returning. B) The airlines were steps ahead of Trump and had already stopped flights from China.

Now Trump is bragging about the ban in Europe.  

This is like when we had rats in our house. 

The exterminator blocked all the entrances around our house. But that wouldn't have been enough, because we already had rats INSIDE the house. So he had to set traps in the attic. If he hadn't, if there happened to be a boy and girl rat, we'd have many, many more rats.

Now Trump is talking about how other countries are suffering more than us.

This is like a man who is accused of abuse and instead of apologizing and making amends, he points to men who are worse than him. 

Well, yes. I raped you. But only once. You should be feel lucky. Do you know how many men rape their wives on a weekly basis?

Trump is the president who pushed the American First agenda. So shouldn't that mean being focused on doing the best?

It's kind of cold and evil to turn a pandemic into an international competition. BUT...if we want to play that game....

If you're wanting to be successful at something, shouldn't you set your eyes on and your bar at those at the top?

If Trump wants this pandemic to be an international competition, he should be comparing America to places like South Korea, Australia, and New Zealand.

Marianne Williamson had the right idea....and this was before the pandemic. She pointed out that New Zealand is doing a fantastic job taking care of their people. So she suggested we a little bit of friendly competition with them.   

Now Trump is ranting about how China started the virus AND that China is doing bad...overall. Not just with the virus but with everything.

Narcissists do my head in with their inability to handle criticism: Let's change the subject and talk shit about someone else.

I am wanting to scream.

Now Trump is bragging about closing the country down—talking about how we would have lost millions of people if we hadn't done this. 

And who was the fucking asshole who pushed for the country to reopen?

Who was the fucking asshole who cheered on the I-need-a-haircut protesters?

Oh. Swan is awesome.

I wish I could adopt him for our family chat discussions.

Trump says the people who truly understand about these things say that the U.S has done a fantastic job.

Swan asks, WHO says that? 

I'm eager to see how Trump will respond...and which I actually mean how will Trump avoid answering the question.

Well, they both kind of veered off. Swan didn't pursue it. Probably because he knew there wasn't an actual answer.

If I went through my family political chats, I think I'd find too many examples of questions I asked that were never answered.

Anyway, now Trump is bragging about crowd size at his rally. And this comes after Swan infers Trump wasn't taking the virus seriously enough; that he had plans for an indoor crowd of people.  

I mean Swan is complaining about putting six thousand people together in a pandemic. And Trump responds by correcting him. No. It was 12,000 people.

Yeah. Holy shit.

Really. I should have pushed harder with my whole dream of moving to Australia. 

Trump says Tulsa was doing okay then.

Swan says it wasn't.

Trump says it was bad...after.

Well, first of all. That wouldn't be good. Because if the surge came AFTER, that could be blamed on the rally.

If memory serves me right, though....the surge was happening before the rally. 

The rally was on June 20. Our wedding anniversary, by the way.

Here's historical data from Oklahoma. 

Well, it's hard for me to easily tell. Because it doesn't have day by day cases. Just totals. But it seems weeks prior to the rally, the cases went up less than a hundred a day. And as we get closer to the rally, they're maybe 200-300 new cases a day?

Trump is so dumb.

He talks about how cases started going up a month later.

It's like, No. This isn't my fault. The cases were fine when I was there. We had been gone a month before the cases started going up.

Maybe if his imaginary friends weren't so busy praising how good he's doing, they could tell him it probably takes about a month to start seeing the upswing in cases caused by an event.

People need time to get sick and/or contagious. It might not take that long. But it COULD take weeks or the virus to dig its claws into the people who will be sick enough to go get tested... and it has to spread to enough people that we'll all start to notice and say, Yikes. The numbers are going up.  

Now Trump has changed the subject from the spiking of cases in Oklahoma to the rally being broadcast by Fox and having the highest rating.

We have a president who cares more about rating numbers than virus numbers.

Jonathan Swan looks so depressed in the interview.

I was trying to do a screenshot. But I messed up. So I'm just going to forget it.

Anyway, Swan responds to Trump's bragging.

I think you misunderstand me. I'm not criticizing your ability to draw a crowd. Are you kidding me? I've covered you for five years. You draw massive crowds. You get huge ratings.

I wonder if Swan has taken classes on how to interview a narcissist. 

Swan tries to bring it back to that pesty little pandemic. I'm asking about the public health. Then he blows more smoke up Trump's ass by telling Trump that his fans love him and listen to him.

But then it turns into a criticism. The fans love him and listen to him about the virus being under control and masks not being so necessary. 

Trump's message is we're dealing with a plague that China sent us. It is what it is. But the United States is doing a good job.

And some governors were good and some were bad.  That SHOULD mean some governors did a good job with testing, tracing, hospitals, closing things, down, etc.  But what Trump probably means is some governors licked my boots and kissed my ass. The others failed at that.

Oh! I love Swan.

I mean I already did.

But with every question, I'm loving him more and more.

He asks Trump when the rest of Americans will have access to the same day testing he has.

He asks for a date.

Trump diverts by talking about how much the US tests compared to other countries.  

Looking at the stats.....

In terms of total, the United States IS impressive. We're number 2...right below China.

Yay us. 

But when it comes to per capita, we're number 18.  If we were number 2 there, maybe we wouldn't be number 10 when it comes to death per capita.

Trump says there are people who say we test too much.

Swan asks who.

Trump says read the books and the manuals.

Swan asks what books and manuals.

Yeah. I really need this guy for our family political discussions.

Trump still hasn't answered the question about who said the thing about testing too much. Nor has he given a date to when all Americans would have access to the quickie tests.  Swan asked him again.

Oh wow,

I have to give Trump credit.

He finally answers and says he prefers not to answer, because he wants to get the answer right...rather than giving the wrong answer and end up missing a deadline.

That's somewhat mature.

Just like delirious people have their moments of lucidity, sometimes narcissists have their rare moments of maturity.

Too funny. Trump complains about us not having a test when the virus began.

Swan: Why would you have a test? The virus didn't even exist.  

I admire Swan for not doing what I'd be doing at this point...either going into hysterical giggle fits, crying, or getting up and throwing my chair at Trump.

Swan shows incredible restraint. People like him should win special medals.

I heard about this next part in the article I read this morning.

Trump takes out pieces of paper when Swan mentions deaths from the virus.

He then looks at a paper and says, We're lower than the world.

I guess that means we have less deaths than the world. 

Like if it's us against the whole world, we're not doing so bad?

Trump would be right. 

Worldwide, there has been 702,000 Covid deaths. The United States has had a total of 160,000. We're doing better than the world (which include the US, by the way).

Yeah. Why isn't Trump getting praised for this???

It's so unfair!

No wonder the Trump fans in my family get so mad about the liberal media picking on Trump so much.

It gets even more pathetic. 

Trump has a chart showing that the United States is doing the best in terms of case fatality rate. But there's like 4 countries on the chart.  Anyone can make a chart to make themselves look the best...by making sure to leave out all those that are doing better than you.

I can make a chart with my family being number one when it comes to number of times riding Rise of of Resistance by simply leaving out all the people who have been on it more than twice.

Well...now they're going to talk about other stuff.

I was most interested in the virus stuff.

And we're eating dinner soon.

I think I'm going to stop here.

I might watch the rest tomorrow. And maybe I'll write about it.  

Or maybe not.

I might just watch it in quiet horror.  

Edited to add: 

Figured out how to do screenshot...something I knew how to do in the past but then forgot.

But anyway....I think I will write a part II of this post tomorrow, because I'll have double fun with doing the screenshots.

Oh...and this isn't Swan looking depressed, by the way.  Or actually he does. But it's not the original one I had wanted before.   

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts 

Submarine Attack Synchronocity

Lately, I've been watching season 2 of The Last Ship.  

Yesterday I started watching the episode "Achilles". It's about a nuclear submarine attacking the Navy ship.

Then later Tim and I watched our nightly episodes of The Twilight Zone. The second episode we watched was "Judgement Night".   The plot involves a submarine attacking a ship.

I think that's quite a coincidence. It would be less so if I often watched ship and/or war related things. But I don't.

So is it random? Or is the universe trying to send me a message?

I'm thinking that submarines probably could symbolize the subconscious. So maybe I'm being warned that my subconscious is going to attack my conscious. That might be exciting. And terrifying. Maybe it will be exciting in a terrifying way. 

OR maybe it's the universe telling me I like submarine stories, and I should seek out more of those. Because "Judgement Night" was probably my favorite of the episodes we've watched recently. And I think "Achilles" is my favorite episode of The Last Ship so far.  On top of that, when Jack was a little lad, I would let him choose my library books for me. He chose these navy books which seemed like something I would never like. It's certainly not something I would have chosen for myself. But I remember liking them a lot. I wish I remembered what they were and who wrote them.  

Getting back to Twilight Zone episodes....

I also liked the other episode we watched last night, up to the ending—"Perchance to Dream".  It reminded me of Nightmare on Elm Street. Well...until the ending.

I finally saw the famous episode "Time Enough at Last".  I've heard about that episode so many times but have never seen it.

I didn't like it.  It was too upsetting. 

And mean.

I think I'd be okay with the ending if he was just a busy guy who didn't have time to read vs someone who was bullied about reading.  

And maybe I would have appreciated it more if I hadn't known the ending. Maybe then it would have been a matter of only a brief moment of shock. Oh shit! Oh no!  Instead I was filled with dread throughout the episode.  And it was so hard for me handle, I was frantically writing fan fiction in my head. Okay, the glasses will break, but see...eventually he'll find a dead body that has glasses. And yeah. Maybe he needs a special prescription. But maybe he'll find glasses that are good enough.

Oh! Maybe he'll take a walk and eventually find an eyeglass shop that wasn't destroyed. That could happen. Right?  

Crazy Women

I've been watching a lot of the YouTube channel The Take lately. I've been going through and watching all their trope videos.  Thanks to them I've been introduced to The Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope. I'm not sure I love the concept, but I do love the phrase.

Today I watched their video about the crazy woman trope.

I liked it.

It fits well with my world view of mental illness—that mental illness is more often caused by society than it is by the brain.

I think society causes mental illness in two ways.

First: The parameters of mental illnesses are determined by society—What's normal and okay vs what's abnormal and not okay; What's quirky crazy, what's relatable crazy, and what's villain/disturbing crazy.

Second: I think a lot of mental illness is caused by abuse—either abuse from society in general such as the mistreatment and marginalization of women and people of color...or abuse caused by individuals.

As for the brain, I think there can be chemical or physiological malfunctions, such as in schizophrenia. But I think even then, the level of abuse the person endures probably determines how sick they become from their brain problems.

The Take was refreshing to me, because I feel too often society and abusers get a free pass while blame goes to the mentally ill person. I think these days, we ARE less likely to view the mentally ill with disgust and scorn. We're more likely to view them with sympathy. They can't help it. They're sick. We're told to view them in the same way we view someone with leukemia or diabetes. They can't help themselves. We shouldn't hate them. We should try to help them. But still...I think this sympathy is another way of putting blame on the victims. Something is inherently wrong with THEM rather than society...or the person who has been abusing them.

One of the challenges in determining cause and blame is abusers can be so cleverly deceptive.

On Coronation Street, Yasmeen (Shelley King) has suffered severe psychological from her manipulative husband Geoff (Ian Bartholomew).

Before Geoff, Yasmeen was outgoing and strong. Geoff changed all that. She has become weak, timid, confused, and very submissive.

One night, after a fight, they go to the local pub. Geoff has recently burned all of Yasmeen's clothes in a bonfire. He forces her to wear a red dress that he originally bought for one of his escorts. The dress is too big on her, and it's also not appropriate pub fair. She comes to the pub looking like a moody bitch who is really lost when it comes to fashion.

Yasmeen wears the red dress, and she's acts odd at the pub, because she's a very abused women. But to her neighbors, at the pub, she's.....

I can't think of a good adjective.

I'll just say they judge her.

Later Geoff and Yasmeen go home to where Geoff verbally attacks Yasmeen in a very frightening, cruel, and confrontational way.  If you're curious to what I'm trying to describe, here's a video of the scene.

Yasmeen ends up defending herself with a broken bottle. She stabs Geoff in the neck.

Unfortunately, he doesn't die.

So...for many neighbors, Yasmeen comes off as the woman who went bad-weird; then totally lost it and tried to kill her innocent and supportive husband.

Fortunately for Yasmeen, though, there ARE a few people who know the truth or suspect the truth.

Geoff has people on his side—especially his son (Joe Duttine) and granddaughter (Ellie Leach). This is understandable, because Geoff has always been good to them. He's hid his dark side when they're around.  On top of that, Geoff uses the clever manipulative ploy of showing sympathy towards Yasmeen. He paints himself as the man who despite enduring abuse from his wife; then almost being almost murdered by her, still loves her; still wants to be married to her.; forgives her, and is not going to testify against her.

What a sweetie.

This is not the first time that Coronation Street has had a storyline where the abuser pretends to be the abused. Back when I first started watching, there was a storyline where Tyrone (Alan Halsall) was accused of abuse by his physically abusive girlfriend Kirsty (Natalie Gumede). Since it's more often men that abuse women than vice versa, it was easy for Kirsty to have her lies believed. Tyrone suffered not only abuse but also being falsely accused and not believed.

In a recent, disturbing scene Tyrone and his partner Fiz (Jennie McAlpine) overhear someone giving Geoff a hard time—accusing him of being abusive.  Because of Tyrone's experiences, he immediately takes Geoff's side. He and Fiz approach Geoff with lots of TLC and tell him they're on his side. They explain that Tyrone too was an abused person falsely accused of abuse. They think they're offering kindness to a person going through what they went through, but instead they're actually offering sympathy to the person who is filling Kirsty's shoes.

So....

I think before we judge someone as being inherently defective-whether we do so with pity or scorn- we should ask ourselves what has happened in this person's life that might have made them the way they are.  And if we hear stories of someone being mistreated, we should at least briefly entertain the idea that the opposite is happening. They might be a clever manipulator who is collecting very undeserved sympathy.

With Coronation Street, I KNOW Geoff is the abuser and Yasmeen is the victim, because I watched the scenes of Yasmeen being abused. That's the great and easy thing with fiction. But if it was real life, it could be that Yasmeen is an evil-mad woman who has tortured her poor husband, tried to kill him, and is now trying to play the victim.

It's so hard to know.

The idea that we might not know—that we could get it wrong and end up vilifying the wrong people...that in itself makes me feel kind of crazy. Or...I should say even more crazy than I already am.

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-beloved to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts