This morning I watched a very satisfying scene on Coronation Street. I think a lot of viewers have been waiting for it for a long time.
Yasmeen (Shelley King) finally and firmly comes to terms with the fact that her husband Geoff (Ian Bartholomew) is abusive and that she's been a victim of his abuse.
She's entertained the idea before. A few people have tried to tell her that Geoff is a horrible person. On multiple occasions, Yasmeen's granddaughter Ayla (Sair Khan) has tried to get Yasmeen to see the light. A few times, Yasmeen had started opening up the idea. But she would shut it down, believing Geoff's victimhood narrative of Alya always being out to get him.
One of the number one tricks in an abuser's playbook is to get his victim and bystanders to believe that HE himself is the one who is abused.
But no more.
Hopefully.
What finally turns the tide for Yasmeen is a visit from one of Geoff's exes. She visits Yasmeen in prison and reveals that she went through the same abuse Yasmeen went through. Yasmeen isn't at all receptive. She stands by her man. The visiter takes it in stride and simply suggests that Yasmeen go to the prison library and read about coercive control.
Yasmeen must have found a very well-written and convincing book. Because that book manages to do what Ayla and the prison visiter couldn't do.
Anyway, I wanted to write down the dialogue between Geoff and Yasmeen. Because it's brilliant and satisfying. And I'll probably comment on it as I transcribe.
Geoff: Hello?
Yasmeen: Hi Geoff!
She's cheerful even though she has wickedness up her sleeve.
Playing mind games with people isn't a nice thing to do. But playing mind games with an abuser? That has to be excused....and maybe even enjoyed.
Geoff: Boy am I glad you called. You're on the naughty phone?
Naughty phone refers to the phone being a prison cell phone—contraband.
Now if Geoff wasn't an abuser, I think he'd just be making a silly, private joke. But since he IS an abuser, I think his little comment is a dig at Yasmeen. He says it lightheartedly, but it's an attempt at reminding her that SHE is naughty. Obedient, well behaved women don't deserve to be abused. But naughty women who use no-no phones? That's a different story.
Yasmeen: Yes, I probably shouldn't stay long.
She's still being quite pleasant.
Now I think all this pleasantness might be partly revenge mind games. But mostly, I think the writers are playing games with the viewer. We're led to believe that Yasmeen is still hooked by Geoff. I think this is so we're more surprised when the phone call goes the other way.
Yasmeen-How are you doing?
Geoff: How do you think I'm doing? I'm lost without you. I feel like my right arm is being cut off. And my left.
That would be maybe romantic if it wasn't coming from an abuser.
But with abusers, when they say stuff like that, it's either love bombing or hoovering. Love bombing is what abusers do to first reel in their victim. Hoovering is what abusers do to their victims when their victims start walking away.
Geoff: And someone's feeding me mashed up rubbish to keep me alive.
This is in reference to Geoff's son recently being kind enough to bring over a meal to Geoff.
I wonder if this would be a trigger for Yasmeen. Because part of Geoff's abuse was hating on Yasmeen's cooking, severely limiting how much she was able to buy at the grocery store, killing her favorite hen and feeding it to Yasmeen.....
Yasmeen: It's not a barrel of laughs here either.
Geoff: Well, I'm sure. But at least you know I'm doing all that I can to get you back home. How lucky are you.
He doesn't show any sign of interest in what Yasmeen is actually going through. A narcissist rarely cares. The important thing to them is what THEY'RE doing to fix things. Narcissists may lack emotional empathy, but they love playing hero. And they thrive on getting credit for it.
Yasmeen: I'm the luckiest woman alive.
I think this is where I knew Yasmeen had some tricks up her sleeve; not just because of her ridiculous hyperbole but also because of her tone...which is hard to describe.
Geoff: It's a nightmare isn't it.
Yasmeen: What is?
Geoff: Trials. Tribulations. This whole thing is.....
Yasmeen: Heartbreaking?
Geoff: Massively inconvenient for me.
I would call this...maybe de-hoovering?
I think what happens is an abuser becomes bored with the hoovering, They get bored playing Mr. Nice Guy. So they start throwing in little digs.
Geoff verbally abused Yasmeen; threatened her with a knife. Out of despair and fear, she attacked him and is now in prison. And to Geoff, it's all just inconvenient.
Well, re-listening to that line.
It's not just a dig...as in a basic insult.
It's also a guilt trip. It's manipulative.
It's a reminder to Yasmeen that her presence in Geoff's life is a burden.
Yasmeen: Is it?
Geoff: Oh no. I didn't mean that to sound self-centered. It's just...How can I put this? It almost feels like I'm the one in the spotlight. Unassuming Mr. Cellophane me.
Poor, Poor Geoff.
It REALLY gets to me when people like him play victim. I hate the whole mask of I'm-such-a-gentle-innocent-person-what-kind-of-monster-would-want-to-hurt-me?
Yasmeen-You know, I'll be home...soon. By your side. Just you and me. Dream Team.
Geoff: You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that.
Yasmeen: I sometimes wonder why I was put on this planet. And the only reason I can come up with is—
Geoff: To make me happy?
It's pretty ugly and self-centered to imagine that someone else on the planet exists solely for our happiness. But it's even worse when that happiness tends to come from the sadistic satisfaction of causing psychological and/or physical suffering.
Geoff: I love you so much.
Silence....
Geoff: And this is where you say it back to me, Dear?
More silence.
Not awkward. But cold....
Geoff: Yasmeen? Are you still there? Yas?!
Yasmeen: Oh shut up, Geoff.
Yay, Jasmine!
Hearing that was so good for my soul.
I'm kind of re-thinking things.
I thought Yasmeen was playing mind games in the beginning of the conversation; that the book had fully converted her, and she was just waiting to strike.
But maybe what really happened is the book made her think and question. Maybe she was still on the fence but no longer ignorant about emotional, manipulative abuse. Maybe Yasmeen needed to talk to Geoff one more time to get confirmation on the fact that he was what her granddaughter, Geoff's ex, and the book had been trying to tell her.
Yasmeen: I had a visit today.
Geoff: Oh. That's nice. Or wasn't it?
Yasmeen: Illuminating.
Geoff: Was it a traveling torch salesman?
It took me a second to get that. I thought it was some kind of subtle insult. But now I see that it was just a corny joke in response to Yasmeens "illuminating". Geoff prides himself on being a harmless, dopey, caring man who likes to make corny jokes. That's the persona he tries (and often succeeds in) trying to project.
Yasmeen: You always think you're so funny. Don't you?
Geoff: Yeah.
Yasmeen: When in reality, you are as funny as a car crash.
Geoff: Who was it Yasmeen?
Yasmeen: I had a visit from a woman who said.
Geoff: Said what?
Yasmeen: She said she knew you. Said she'd been in a relationship with you.
Geoff: Who?
Yasmeen: And that you controlled and abused her the same way you did me.
Geoff: I asked you who it was?
This kind of reminds me of Jonathan Swan asking Trump about the mystery people that Trump kept bringing up in the conversation. But Swan's questions actually have merit. He's like saying...if you're going to vaguely bring up people who agree with your outlandish shit, you need to back it up with specifics.
In contrast, Geoff is demanding to know who, so he can either potentially harm the whistleblower OR try to manipulate Yasmeen into believing the whistleblower is untrustworthy.
Geoff: You can't bandy those accusations around. On an illegal phone I might add. Without telling me who you're actually talking about.
Yes. He brings up the illegal phone again.
Let's remind Yasmeen that she does bad things.
I love how Yasmeen replies (below)
Yasmeen: Well you should know who it is. Shouldn't you?
Geoff: Should I?
Yasmeen: Unless she's one of many. Like me. A list as long as your arm.
Geoff: You're unbelievable.
Abusive people will rarely give up attempting to get their victim to believe that the victim is the one that's problematic.
Yasmeen: You lied to me. Didn't you?
Geoff: About what?
Yasmeen: About those exes. And how they treated you.
Yeah. Okay. I didn't give the full story above. Geoff doesn't paint himself just as the harmless, dopey, caring man who makes corny jokes. He's also the harmless, dopey, caring, silly man who suffered abuse from his exes. Poor, Poor Geoff.
Yasmeen: How they bullied you. Belittled you. Made you feel worthless.
Geoff: You really are quite something. Aren't you.
Yasmeen: I believed you. And all the time, you were projecting.
Geoff: I thought you loved me.
Yasmeen: I did.
I am so thankful she spoke in the past tense.
Yasmeen: In fact. Dear Reader. I married him.
Geoff: And yet you'll believe some random woman's word over mine.
Yasmeen: Correct!
Now I think Geoff's fighting words WOULD have merit if they were in the pre-abuse stage. If a person comes up to us and tells us our darling partner abused them, how do we know that person is telling the truth? How do we know that it wasn't our partner that was abused and now their ex is trying to further abuse them by turning their new partner against them?
I'm not saying we should reject warnings. But we should listen to them with an open-mind. We shouldn't dismiss them but nor should we take them as gospel.
If we've already experienced the same abuse, though? That's a totally different story. If we're already seeing it for ourselves...yes, we should definitely believe it.
Geoff: So I was right. Or...Or was I?
Yasmeen: What are you on about now?
Geoff: No, no, no. I was wrong. Because you're actually more stupid than I thought you were.
The hoovering is officially over.
Yasmeen: You manipulated me. And I fell for it. But I shan't again. I will never...EVER go back to you again. And even if I'm found guilty, it will be a good result. Because I shan't ever have to go to bed with you.
Yeah. I think the prison of Weatherfield is a much better place to be than at home with Geoff.
Geoff is the real prison.
Yasmeen: And if I'm not guilty, then the same.
Geoff: Well, if that's the way you want to play it.
Yasmeen: It is.
Geoff: Your choice, bitch.
Yasmeen: Oh. How charming.
Geoff: But just remember this.
Yasmeen: What?
Geoff: Get used to the view from your window. Because you're going to be in that prison for a very long time!
The conversation loses a lot written down on my blog.
The actors definitely add a huge bunch to it.
Let me see...if the scene has been uploaded to YouTube.
Well, in looking for that, I just noticed that I've been spelling Yasmeen's name wrong this whole time. I'm hoping that isn't the case for past posts. But I'm afraid it probably is.
I'm going to go through and try to change most of those.
Okay, did that.
I feel better now.
And apologies to Yasmeen for messing up her name so many times. If it's not bad enough, she's had to deal with Geoff. It's like I've been throwing more salt into her wounds.
The good news is, Coronation Street has uploaded the scene to YouTube. It's much better to see and hear it than just read it.
Well...I just started watching. Unfortunately, it's not the whole conversation. It skips the pleasantries in the beginning and begins with I had a visit today....
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