Saturday, April 30, 2016

Live Action Zootopia, Being Ignored, Cold Shoulders, and Misjudging

1. Started to watch an episode of Water Rats.

2. Thought about Zootopia, because on Water Rats, a petite police officer has joined the show. I've only seen her for a few seconds, but her personality also reminds me of Judy Hopps.

3. Saw that the new character is played by an actress Raelee Hill. Then I got very confused, because I saw Hill was on Farscape. She has red hair, so I thought she played the red hair character I remembered. But I didn't remember that character being petite.

I can be very bad at judging height, though. For example, when I would look at David Tennant, I'd see a short guy. But he's not at all short.

Anyway, Hill doesn't appear until season four of Farscape.  I saw that and then couldn't remember which season of Farscape I'm on.  I had to look at episode descriptions to figure it out.

I finally figured out I'm on season three, and the red-headed character I was thinking of is Jool, played by Tammy MacIntosh.

4. Saw that Raelee Hill was in the short film "Breath, I watched recently—the one with Michael Dorman and Morgana Davies.

5. Thought that Taylor (Hill) is very cute.  She really does remind me of Judy Hopps.

Like Hopps, Hill is treated with derision. Well, actually, Jeff (Bensley) is quite friendly and welcoming. Helen (Toni Scanlan), on the other hand, is a total bitch.  First, she's just cold.  Then when Taylor makes the mistake of using her first name, Helen chides her on that.  I can SORT of understand that.  In some careers, ranking titles are important to some.  But then Helen says, And if you joined the water police because you thought it was glamorous... She says something under her breath that I don't understand. Then she says, you'll be assigned to the front counter until such time.

I don't know what Taylor did to deserve Helen's attitude. Helen, though, is not usually such a bitch.  Something's up with her.  It could be the fact that they recently lost an employee. In the previous episode,  Fiona (Sophie Heathcote) ditched the force because she misjudged a Munchausen by Proxy situation. She made one mistake and then wanted to quit. Maybe Helen now sees Fiona as weak, and she's worried that Taylor will be weak too.

6. Saw that pretty much everyone on the team is giving Taylor the cold shoulder.

7. Excited to find Anzac biscuits at World Market. We bought some, of course. We also got some Australian honeycomb and maybe one other Australian thing.

8. Saw Violet Crumble at Central Market. I think I've recently seen it other places as well.

9. Looked at the cool Sydney sticker Tim bought me for my laptop.  It was an early Mother's Day present.

10. Tried to remember if we bought a third Australian thing.

Maybe we didn't. I can't remember anything. But I'll check later.

11. Returned to the Water Rats episode.

12. Felt so bad for Taylor and angry at the water police for treating her that way.

Besides Helen, they're not being outright rude or mean. They're just acting disinterested.

She asks two of the guys to go to the pub with her, and they reject the offer. They're nice about it but give her very little of their time. They act like she's not worth it.

13. Wondered if a collective cold shoulder could count as workplace bullying or a hostile workplace.

It might not as bad as working at a place where people activity tease you or physically intimidate you, but I can imagine it being very lonely and soul-crushing.

14. Saw Rachel (Catherine McClement) make an effort to acknowledge Taylor's presence. It wasn't much, but at least it was something.

15. Looked up being ignored at work, and found a page about it on a bullying website. They say it does count as a type of bullying.

I haven't read it yet, but I'd say one way it would differ from other bullying is it could be done accidentally.

I don't think the water police are malicious.

16. Divided ignoring-situations into three levels.

A) Purposeful with intent to hurt. This would happen when people are angry at someone, or dislike them, and the ignoring actually has the purpose of sending a negative message.

B) Insensitive and/or rude. This is when people don't have anything against the victim. Yet they leave them out in an obvious way. I talked about this in a recent post. Three people are in proximity of each other. Person A explicitly invites Person B to do something, and they both leave Person C behind.

C) Accidental/bad luck.  An unfortunate person gets ignored by multiple decent people who just all happened to make the same mistake.

It could be what happened with the water police. Yes, Helen was a bitch.  But maybe the others are just kind of busy and preoccupied. Maybe they figure they'll give Taylor their attention later, and they think that, for now, someone else is giving her the attention she needs.

17. Imagined there have probably been times where someone tried to have a social moment with me. I might have been cordial but busy and distracted. I might have brushed them off, and went about my way.  If it was just me doing that, it's probably no big deal. They'll go talk to someone else. But what if several people on the same day to it to the same person?

18. Started to read the bullying website.

19. Felt bad, because I can think of times that I've done some of the things mentioned. This would include not just ignoring someone but being extra nice to other people that are around.

I didn't do it as part of a group. It was just me alone, and I didn't do it long term. It was probably and hour or two.

One of the times happened when I was a teenager, and it was deliberate revenge. I wanted to make the person feel bad, and they did.

The other happened recently, and I can't say it was deliberate revenge.  It was more like I was in a group setting, and there was the awkwardness of the fact that I was angry at one person and not the others.  I was cordial to this person and did speak to them when they spoke to me, but I was less friendly towards them than I was with the other people. I was cold.

Even though I feel justified about my anger, I don't feel my behavior was okay.

There has to be a better way. And that better way might be pure fakeness.

Giving someone the cold shoulder really is a type of manipulation.  There's the message there.  Hey. I'm mad at you.  Could you tell?  I hope you're noticing, because I'm really making an effort here to get my point across.  

20. Felt sometimes it's hard for me to tell the difference between when I'm truly actively angry at someone and therefore can't manage to be nice to them and when I'm purposely making an effort to act angry so I can "properly" punish them.

21. Decided it's almost always the latter. Because I can be quite nice to people I dislike.  I'm good at faking it.

22. Changed my mind. Maybe.

I don't know if I'm good at faking it, or if it's that I can like people while at the same time despising them.  I can think awful things about a person. In my mind, I put them on my bad list. Then I see them in a social setting and truly enjoy their company.

I have very mixed feelings about most people.

Maybe that's the same with everyone.

23. Decided I should stop blabbing and go back to reading.

24. Finished reading.

Though I think the ignoring I've done is manipulative and wrong, I don't think it's the same as what they're describing.  I think ignoring as bullying is when a leader gets a whole group to ignore a victim.

That being said, a bullying situation might start off with one individual. Then if the individual has power, he or she can get others to follow their lead.

I really don't have social power.

If I did, hopefully I wouldn't use it for evil.

25. Thought about something else.

Sometimes ignoring is not about rudeness, anger, an unintentional thing,  etc.

Sometimes it's shyness.

I've had times where certain people intimidated me. I want to talk to them but am too shy.  I'll talk to someone I feel comfortable with, in front of them.  But it's kind of my way of talking to the person that intimidates me.  Does that make any sense?  I don't do it a lot.  I can think of one instance in the last five years or so. But I probably did it more often back when I was a chronically shy person.

I'm thinking there are also times where someone has done it to me.  They ignore me and are much nicer to someone else around me.  But it might be more about shyness than disliking me or not caring about me.

So...yeah.  I think that's something we should keep in mind.

26. Started to watch another episode of Water Rats.

27. Saw that this episode was directed by Peter Andrikidis, the same guy who directed Killing Time.

28.  Started to see a pattern on Water Rats.

I don't remember if it also happened on the first season. But in this season, it seems like each episode has an officer that strongly believes in someone's innocence.  They get mad at their colleagues for seeing things differently.  Then at the end of the episode, the person who had the strong opinion realizes they're wrong.

29.  Wasn't sure if the first episode of the second season followed the pattern. I can't remember.

30. Glad to see Terry (Aaron Jeffrey) being nice to Taylor. He invites her to go diving with him, and then attend a party.

It seems he's trying to hit on her so he can eventually sleep with her.  Maybe that's not the best kind of friendliness, but I think it's probably better than being ignored.

31. Disappointed in Dave (Scott Burgess).  In this episode, he's the one who ends up being wrong.
During his misguided crusade, Dave attacks a security guard who very reluctantly shot someone. He's very cruel to someone who's already quite distraught over what he's done.  Dave learns he's wrong and never makes an attempt to apologize to the security guard.

32. Thought more about my bad behavior.

I think I understand it now.

What happens is, I start off anger and my cold shoulder is based on real feelings. I can't be nice, because I aint feeling nice. But then my anger fades, and I'm left torn between an impulse to be nice and a desire to hold on to my anger so I can continue to punish the person.

Eventually I end it, because whether or not the person feels punished or couldn't care less, I imagine I'm hurting them and that makes me feel bad.