Tuesday, April 3, 2018

My Life in 1989 (Part 1)

These excerpts are from the middle of my sophomore year in high school.

Well, let's see what's going on in Kristen's life. Well, she has a bad stomachache due to a faulty digestive system. Her enzyme supplement was increased and she was prescribed vitamins. Poor kid...Writing Kristen has told me there are many things I don't know about CF. (1/10/89)  I was referring to the novel I was writing—the first one.

Another idea is coming to me. If my memory of not having a high school social life is true; maybe it was caused by my writing. I became very dedicated to the craft. I kind of imagined I turned to writing to ease my loneliness. But it might have been reversed. I might have reduced my socializing because I preferred writing.

From what I vaguely remember. I think there was a time I wanted to be involved with parties and all that, but it felt like it was too late. I had taken myself out of the picture, and it was too difficult to get back in.

Tons of people like the Kristen story. Only 2 people have given negative reactions. Larry, but it was meant in a kind way and Alison the bitch. She doesn't understand that some movies are about sick people and real things not birds, indians, and clouds. (1/13/89). Because birds, indians, and clouds are not real?

Anyway, I guess I didn't take too well too criticism. But I give my past self credit for recognizing that some criticism is "kind".

Melissa is getting a rabbit. (1/23/89).  His name was Benny. She had that rabbit for several years.

That night got tired went to sleep at 7:30. Had nightmares and hallucinations. Ghost pulling and bugging me in my room. Seems so real.  (2/1/89).  I find it interesting that I was labeling the experience as a hallucination.  In earlier diary entries, I was quick to label things as being supernatural—no doubts.

Melissa and I talked about the ouija board today. It is the most difficult topic for me to talk about because there are people in my life I became very closer too and I never said good-bye. I am very proud of myself for surviving that and still having some faith.  I have no anger towards Melissa anymore. We got along great this weekend and I'm no longer embarrassed about believing it.  (2/5/89). I'm proud of my teenage self for being able to talk about the experience more.  I don't fully agree with what she says at the end. I think she held on to some anger towards Melissa for many years. And I'm STILL somewhat embarrassed about what happened.  I was a tenth grader that was tricked by a fourth grader. I think that's the big thing.  In a lot of these situations, I don't think it's a child who does the fooling. An exception is that true story of the little girls who tricked people into believing they had contact with fairies. I think hearing that story gave me some comfort.

When I found out about Melissa moving the ouija board, we threw out the board and the automatic writing samples. I thought the memory was gone but then one night in November I put on a tape from Lost Boys. At the same time, Melissa and I were sucking on chocolate candies. By coincidence we always ate those candies while playing the ouija game and we always listened to that tape. 

 Yesterday I took the tape out to hear Stand by Me, but instead found myself listening to Lost Boys. It made me feel horrible. So today with a lot of hesitation, I ruined the tape and threw it away.

It's all quite upsetting. There are 2 main things that make me sick. Miami and Lost Boys. They both are memories of that stupid board.  (3/1/89).

 I think that, although, I had not written much about it when it first happened and I pretended to be okay, slowly, I was coming to terms with what had happened.

It's weird. I had forgotten about Miami. If asked, I probably would have said that the first time I had been in Miami was for Melissa's college graduation.  I didn't realize/remember that we had been there before.

Our bake sale was today. We got 200.  I am sick. I have a cold. Rachel is shy towards me now. I think it's because we haven't seen each other in so long. (3/11/89).  One thing I'm noticing about Rachel, in this diary, is that she runs hot and cold. One day she seems to adore us and another day she seems to hate us. It goes back and forth like that.

I really like Larry. (3/20/89).  Larry went from someone I hated because he talked about me behind my back; to someone who disliked my book but was kind about it; to the object of my affection.

I Googled Larry the other day.  If it's the right guy, he works in construction now.