Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Siblings and Friends

I'm now on page 32 of the Zusak book.  

Yeah. I know. I haven't gotten too far.

I can really relate to the story, though.

Cameron is pretty much a social failure. He doesn't really have friends. His two brothers have much better luck with that.

Yeah. That's pretty much my life.

I was never popular.

My two sisters....

Well, I don't know if they were popular.  But I think they at least had connections to the popular kids.  And they've always had a VERY full social calendar.

It's almost always been easier for them to get people to like them. 

I have a memory.  I'm on the steps of the swimming pool.  One of my friends says something like You're older sister is so cool, and your younger sister is so cute. What happened to you?

Now I can almost guarantee that this friend was just joking. I don't think she meant any harm. But I think she unknowingly told the truth, and it hit a nerve.

I remember birthday parties with me crying...maybe even crying alone in my room.  I felt my older sister was stealing my friends away.

Why were they more popular?

I think it was three things.

1.  I was always very immature.  When other girls were ready to talk about boys, drinking, and stuff like that; I was still wanting to play Let's-send-our-Cabbage-Patch-dolls-to-summer-camp!

2. I was HORRIBLY shy. Locked inside a shell. It doesn't feel good to be that way. And sometimes it doesn't feel good to be AROUND people who are that way.  It can be awkward for them.

3. I was weird.  Weirdness is valued among certain crowds, but you usually have to search the Internet to find these people. Yeah, you can find weird people in your schools and neighborhoods, but their weird doesn't always fit well with your weird. 

Well, I don't want to exaggerate my situation.  I did have friends. It's just I didn't often have close friends. And when I did have close friends, it didn't last. We'd break apart, or my family would move.

Let's put it this way.  My bridesmaids at our wedding?  My two sisters, and my sister-in-law.  And outside of that. I had a total of three friends at my wedding.  Most of the guests were family and/or friends of my parents.  

I used to regret all this.   I used to want to have what my sisters have.

Now I'm okay.

I don't have a full and active social life, but I have friends. I feel totally satisfied in that area. 

Plus, I have a husband and child.  When you're growing up as a shy, immature, weirdo....you kind of doubt that this will ever happen for you.